views needed...

Lifestyle Relationships
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Don't be stupid please. I get all the first love and butterflies and hearts everywhere thing, but wait it out. Have someone else talk to him and see what he's like with them. Five days is not enough time to find out what a person is like.

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He is playing with you!! I can already picture him. 5 days are not enough to know someone, and that too through internet. It takes a lifetime to get to know the real person.

Please do yourself a favor and forget him before he ruins you. You already got the hint about staying in the joint family and having one car for the entire family, if you are not used to this lifestyle you wont fit-in in that environment. I hope nothing wrong happens to you, and may Allah protect you.

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wait for some time, coz starting iz always gud, when u will spend more tym u will recognize good n bad habits...

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Spot on!!

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Find out what he does there in EUROPE. Most of the 'Internet Muslims' I have met are involved in some kind of illegal job or trade in western countries. I never thought desi girls would be THAT easy.

BTW, the number of cars per capita in Europe is much lower than USA for obvious reasons. That should not be an issue.

P.S. Isn't there some sort of Islamic injunction against skype?

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is he living with his family?..

anywayzz ull find out about him more better once ur family meets his fmaily..

27

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A guy living by Islamic principles would never chat up to a girl in such a way, or skype and MSN as you've described, and would certainly not tell a girl he loves her in 5 days without having any of his family involved.

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He lives with his family, he wants to teach and open schools in countries like Pakistan etc.

Since when is it wrong to marry someone you like? Islam encourages us to marry the person we like. And there isn't anything wrong with talking to someone as long as you are within limits.

I do plan on taking things slow, if I decide to continue with him, not even sure. I mean he's very knowledgeable and seems very genuine. Nothing seems shady about him. I've seen his facebook, everyone he knows writes on his wall, noone random, nor are there any inappropriate comments or fake formal type of comments.

We both give importance to meeting, he is considering making the trip this summer, if not then plans on furthering his education in the U.S. next year or so.

However, turns out he lied and he's 21. But I guess I can understand why he lied regarding the age, it still doesn't change the fact of how he thinks or how he is. Does age really matter? and is the lie that big of a deal? I thought so at first, but I guess I see where he's coming from, and he tried for hours to convince me and apologize. It wouldn't make sense from someone in Europe to be wanting to use someone in US as time pass...we both are busy in our daily lives...so I don't think he's playing...I could be wrong..but he seems genuine. And I still feel he has the qualities I want.

Would it hurt to continue to get to know him? Are the chances of him being honest and real, that slim?...I get a positive feeling but what are the signs to look for, or how am I supposed to know if he's fake or lying like most of you are claiming?

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Here we go.......

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*He could also be lying about other stuff too. Just because it doesn't seem shady to you doesn't mean that it isn't to everyone else. How do you know he's living in the UK for real? Maybe he could be lying about that too. *

And yes, we should marry someone we like 5 days is too short of a span of time to get to know someone like that. ANd since you say he is Islamic, he shouldn't even be talking to you, but instead should have talked to a mutual friend or your parents or your brother/sister about wanting to get to know you.

Do you guys have mutual friends on FB?

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Haaniya… why did he friend request you? How did he come across your profile (mutual friends, saw you as a member of some group, etc.)?

What kind of passport does he have? (Even if he tells you it’s European, you can’t really be sure). If he has a Pakistani passport… he’s not coming this summer unless he already has a visa.

He says he might consider coming to the US to study, then wait. See if he really is proactive about it… mentions schools, programs, locations, etc.

For some reason, I find the whole wanting to go to school in the US and opening schools in Pakistan to be a bit suspicious :hmmm: I mean, if he wants to do social work, he doesn’t have to come to the US to study. And if he wants to be a teacher, he could get a degree from wherever he is right now and go back to Pak. This is another thing to consider… teacher = less salary… and you did mention his lifestyle and cars… plus, a chance you’ll end up living in Pakistan.

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I know he's living in a European country because I know, we have skyped, I've heard him speak the language, I've seen the outisde etc. His voicemail is in a totally different accent/language. As for the passport...no I haven't seen it..lol who asks to see a passport? isn't that strange...We have one mutual friend, but that friend is like some administrator of a group

and he added me by mistake, he was trying to add one of the administrators of this religious humanitarian type of group on facebook, and he thought it was me and added me by mistake. That's how we started talking. I didn't believe the way he added me either, but then I came across the group and I believed him.

He doesn't want to shift to Pakistan, he has family there and he knows people that can help him set up schools in Pak, all he is doing is funding them. He can study in Europe too if he wants, but I think his degree will have more value around the world if he were to study here, in the US, and he's already asked me to provide him with information on schools and programs etc, so he seems serious...but I do plan on waiting it out till I see him and get to know what he's all about.

If everyone thinks hes a fake or lying, then can you guys tell me what signs to look out for? or what other questions or things should I find out?
I'll see about the passport but if he turns out to be a European nationality, then what?

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Facebook & Skype :)

Haniya Sincere Advise, no decision until you met him personally many times & talk with his parents bro/sis .. family history.etc.

You are talking about 5 days, i will give it 2/3 years.

Good Luck.

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i’d be very wary, we reached day 7 and she offered me a 12 pack. :nono:

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nobody is telling me why it's so bad? or what are the negative signs I should look out for....is the world really that bad that good people with pure intentions don't exist anymore?
Day 5: I love you...yea it's intense..but then again english isn't his first language...and he clarified that it's my thoughts he likes..and he too agrees it's crazy to say I love you..and that with time everything happens...I don't know..I guess I'll give it a chance and see where it goes...plus truth always comes out...so if he is lying or whatever..i'll know of it eventually....but when I talk to him..I feel like a better person..and end up learning something positive from him each day...so lets see :)

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Just slow down, Haaniya (like everyone here is advising you to do). You feel like a better person when you talk to him....but who knows? You may feel differently when you interact with him and his family face to face. You'll have a stronger idea about him...and even about what you want....after you actually meet him and his family in person. Until that happens...just try not to get too ahead of yourself. Slow down...because it can hurt when you invest a lot of emotional energy into things and they don't turn out as you "dreamed" they would. Let things become more concrete before making a decision.

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You've known this guy 5 days and you are talking about cars and joint family systems? It is VERY crazy. He has probably said the I love you line to a dozen other girls.

I don't trust anybody who goes around adding random girls on FB either. That's not a very 'Islamic' thing to do is it? Tut tut.

Btw, if you live in a big city in europe, you don't really need a car because the transport system is so good. That should be the least of your worries.

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lol... you wouldn't ask to see his passport. I thought he may have brought it up while he was talking about coming to America. Like some mention of the visa process being difficult because his passport is from whatever country.

Ok, so him being serious about the schools here is a positive sign, just don't get too carried away with your emotions. The negative signs that you have been asking about... there may not be any signs. I've heard of girls Skyping a guy. Then they get married. Then the girl finds out he was completely different and so is his family. This can happen to anyone, even if you have met the guy and the in-laws. But not meeting someone in person carries an even bigger risk. When you meet someone in person, you can see how they treat others. You notice the little things that might become big problems in a relationship.

Take it really slow. Only be friends with him and then think of a future with him after he actually moves to the US. The "I love you" bit is way too fast. Not that I don't want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but he's going to justify his "I love you" by saying it's crazy so he doesn't freak you out too much and you'll still talk talk to him.

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I read some where when love comes in, there leaves the wisdom

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I don't know why everyone is discouraging poor Haniyaa.
Haniyaa you have to look out for a lot of things. Firstly, he lied to you about his age. Then, he clarifies he lied. So he might have lied to get to know you a little. And then he may have found you genuine so decided to clarify that he lied before and apologized, (and this may be because he wants you to get to know him better). Also he wants to know you beter and let himself be known to you bettter, so he skyped. Best of all he is the religious kind. Good signs. BUT thats not all dear Haniyaa for the part of getting to know someone for the sake of marriage. The most important part there is meeting him AND his family IN PERSON, and getting your family to meet them IN PERSON. So if you get through that stage well, then consider it seriously. Before that, trust me, all that facebooking and skyping will just be a hobby to you both.
Something fishy though as everyone pointed out, a guy should not say 'I love you" to a girl if he intends to get to know her better for marriage on their 5th day of online meetings. Plus, he is islamic, so you wouldn't expect him to do so.