Hi guys. I recently got married alhamdolillah and I’m more than happy with my husband and my married life. The biggest problem we are facing right now is how to consummate our marriage… He has been very patient with me but I feel that as more time is passing, I’m getting a little too comfortable with the idea of not making love…
The first time we tried, I had a lot of pain when he was trying to enter me. I feel my “hole” is too small… we tried fingering and it was only one finger that I could manage to enter… anything bigger than that hurts a LOT. Is this normal?
How do we go about doing the deed? I don’t want to frustrate my husband because i love him and I want to just get it over with soon..
Please help me.
Over 50 views and still no answer, I think that proves people don't want to discuss this stuff here.
There's other websites for these kinda questions...
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
It can be very painful for some women, initially. It is important to understand that your body is made to stretch and grow and envision that it can do that. If you tense up, it will become more and more difficult.
Some gynecologists also have things that can help you. Perhaps speak to your doctor.
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
As Sahar02 says try and relax, (easier said than done if you're bracing yourself for pain!).
Try buying some vaginal dilators (you can get them online very discreetly). I've heard from friends that they really do help.
Most importantly take things at a pace that suits you - don't stress yourself out.
good luck!
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
All About Vaginismus and Painful Sex, Dyspareunia, & Vulvodynia
Unconsummated Marriage or Relationship
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]Some couples are physically unable to have intercourse — that is, to “consummate” their relationship. There are several possible reasons for this.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]Sometimes couples simply*** lack basic information*** about their bodies and about how to be sexual. Unfortunately, they may feel foolish, embarrassed, or inadequate. This embarrassment then prevents them from seeking needed information. Or information may be hard to come by.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]Some women have vaginismus, a tightening of the vaginal muscle, which prevents penis-vagina intercourse. If a man pushes hard trying to enter, it can cause the woman intense pain. In other cases, vaginismus is due to a medical condition that causes pain in the vulvar area, inside the vagina, or elsewhere in the pelvic region. Tightening the pelvic muscles is an unconscious reflex effort to prevent further pain.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]In other cases, vaginismus is caused by fear or aversion to sex. For women who experienced sexual abuse, rape or other trauma, this may be an effort to protect themselves from further violation or pain. Many women who are fearful or aversive to sex have no history of trauma, but may have heard scary stories about sex, learned negative sexual attitudes, or have frightening images relating to sex.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]Other causes of unconsummated relationships include ejaculatory control problems or erection difficulties. A man may be unable to enter his partner’s vagina because he ejaculates too soon or is unable to get and keep a sufficiently firm erection. This can be caused by a medical condition that needs treatment by a physician. For other men, the problem may be due to social, emotional or psychological concerns. Even when caused by a medical problem, psychological counseling may be helpful to explore and resolve accompanying emotional reactions.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]Sometimes one or both partners may lack interest in sex or have exceptionally low sexual desire. They find it difficult to make sex happen. If only one person is uninterested, the sexually interested partner may feel hurt, rejected or unattractive. If both lack desire, it may only become a problem if they want to have a baby or if they feel the relationship is missing something.
[FONT=Century Schoolbook]In some cases, lack of sexual interest may be life long, but in others, it may result from depression, illness, medications, hormones or relationship problems.
Diagnosis and Treatment of Unconsummated Relationships
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
Saratem, do u think this might be more psychological reason of fear causing a physical reaction in you to clam up? This happens (read above site). So I don't know, can you try to mentally change your approach to try to eliminate fear? Or try very slowly only up to the point that u can bear it, then try again another time, may be that will do it.
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
You have to be IN the mood to actually want it. Obviously you dont want it there for your thinking too much about actually DOING it then LETTING it happen.
If your not ready. your not ready being married doesnt mean you HAVE too. Its when you feel ready. If your husbands frustrated... well he knows what to do!
[QUOTE]
Over 50 views and still no answer, I think that proves people don't want to discuss this stuff here.
There's other websites for these kinda questions...
[/QUOTE]
That doesnt proove anything, And she can ask whatever she wants.
if you are really SERIOUS about this issue, why are you not consulting any GYNECOLOGIST and look for a REAL answer/solution?? Why are you asking GS lot whom you do not even know and who may give you a very wrong suggestion.
Strange that your hubby knows you have this prob and he is so incosiderate towards you and his needs that he cannot go with you to a doctor and look for some GENUINE help?tsk tsk… aah and sorry to know that you do not have any close friends or a sister who can advise you better even. u must be SHY asking such questions from a sis or friend. but how is it that u are not shy from STRANGERS, regardless they are men or women, teenagers, or even younger, old grand pa and grand maas 
Or is it that you are a man hiding behind a female id?
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
I think anyone who isn't married and hasn't done the deed should butt the hell out of this thread.
I know 4 women who have had problems having sex so I'm sure it's a lot more common than people let out. For some it was psychological for others it was physical. If you don't think it's psychological (or if it is and you can't overcome it) go to your doctor. The first recommendation is nearly always what saheli mentioned.
Hi guys. I recently got married alhamdolillah and I'm more than happy with my husband and my married life. The biggest problem we are facing right now is how to consummate our marriage... He has been very patient with me but I feel that as more time is passing, I'm getting a little too comfortable with the idea of not making love... The first time we tried, I had a lot of pain when he was trying to enter me. I feel my "hole" is too small... we tried fingering and it was only one finger that I could manage to enter... anything bigger than that hurts a LOT. Is this normal? How do we go about doing the deed? I don't want to frustrate my husband because i love him and I want to just get it over with soon.. Please help me.
You could have mentioned this without going into detail about your intimate activities. but in any case, others have posted really good advice. Best thing is to go to a doctor. otherwise..relax and go at a pace thats comfortable for you.
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Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
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Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
saratem, as you have been advised , please see a doctor asap. Just for your own peace of mind.
You are right , if this continues , it can not only frustrate either of you but can be quite demoralizing as well . Hence my sincere suggestion is to see your doctor and take advise accordingly.
[mod] Anyone who has NOTHING to contribute to this thread, please feel free to leave. We don't go by what details they should or shouldn't write, or if they should post their problems elsewhere- that's for the mods to decide, yeah? Considering how Saratem has been a long-time member on this site, I suggest that anyone who's 'appalled' by her thread or only has criticism to offer, please hit your 'back' cursor and browse other threads. People come here with their problems, and if you don't like them, too bad. Thank you. [/mod]
Re: Viewer discretion advised: advice needed from married women
^ well said!
I agree, here on this site, we should be open to helping people that have any questions that we possibly can help with. It's not like the author is trying to damage the rep. of this site or anything.
Hello Saratem,
This may be too foward for "some people", but make sure you have some foreplay before. Also, you can buy a vaginal lubricant at the pharmacy to use on your nether regions before intercourse. The more physical pleasure YOU have before intercourse, the more likely he will be able to go inside. Finally, relax your muscles before penetration. When nervous, women tend to contract their muscles and this makes it harder. Of course, see a doctor it persists. PM me if you want more details, as many ppl here seem to be repulsed by what is a natural part of life
Its harder to ask people who know you…easier to ask strangers whose judgement for or against you is less likely to hurt you.
SHe mentioned her husband is patient with her but SHE wants to consummate her marriage…she loves her husband and wants to get over her problem. This is and should be important to her…very crucial part of any marriage.
Anyway, saratem…I would go to a doctor for suggestion on what to do. Im sure he/she is the best person to advise you on this matter.
Some of the girls here have given you great advice…relaxing is key…being in the right mood.