sorry bro, but did u break up with the turkish gal? or was it a mutual decision. i doubt she would broke it with you (given the fact that your a doc @ tor gen hos), until you are some real crazy dude.
if you break it with her then you should look back that how much time did she take to recover. may be it soothes you to find someone in similar pain
this reminds me of a NFAK gazal from his Aafreen album.. cant quite gather the words right now... and more recently, an Atif Aslam song..
Re: Very tough to get over
You're only 26. You have a long way ahead, you're bound to meet someone who will make you even more happy than the previous one. It just wasn't meant to be.
Re: Very tough to get over
some special bonds are hard to break...as u said, very tough to get over...i shouldn't say "get over" neways, cuz that's not the right term...
Hassan, keep urself bz...u're a doc, so i'm sure that one shouldn't be 2 hard...that way, u'll think less and less about everything that happened...and over time, u'd open up to giving someone else a chance...and when that does happen, make sure u give them the respect they deserve...make sure they get a fair chance...don't start comparing with what u had previously...instead, remember that it's a new journey, with a new partner...and let it develop...
over time, the pain becomes easier to deal with...but u'll still never forget :) at least thats the way i c it...
oh, and try to keep in mind that u end with the person u r supposed to...no matter what...
There is other fish in the sea. Maybe you will catch a better one next time.
Hello all,
I hope each and every one of you are doing well. I have been in couple of relationships in the past but this one particular girl whom i met 2 years back. We hit it off very well at that time i was at doing last year of medical school. She was genuinely very nice and we shared lots of common interests, ambitions, physical attraction and did plan on getting married to each other. Then we decided to tell our respective parents. Then my father called her father to introduce himself and told him the reason he is calling about. Her father got annoyed and told my father that “we are not planning our daughter to get married right now and let him (me) finish medical degree and then come back.
Fast forward to 3 months ago, when I was just about to finish my residency at Toronto General Hospital and of course ready to approach her father…. her dad was diagnosed with cancer and forced my girlfriend to marry one of her own cousin (just two months back). Just don’t ask me how?. It’s long story. I am beyond heart broken at the moment my life is shattered every where. I am still not recovered yet. I am 26 years old and don’t think I can’t be with someone else. Sigh! Yes doctors need help too!!. I even came back from hospital early today because didn’t feel like working at all. Common guys give me some cheer ups and tell me everything is going to be ok as everybody says.
some special bonds are hard to break...as u said, very tough to get over...i shouldn't say "get over" neways, cuz that's not the right term...
Hassan, keep urself bz...u're a doc, so i'm sure that one shouldn't be 2 hard...that way, u'll think less and less about everything that happened...and over time, u'd open up to giving someone else a chance...and when that does happen, make sure u give them the respect they deserve...make sure they get a fair chance...don't start comparing with what u had previously...instead, remember that it's a new journey, with a new partner...and let it develop...
over time, the pain becomes easier to deal with...but u'll still never forget :) at least thats the way i c it...
oh, and try to keep in mind that u end with the person u r supposed to...no matter what...
You see my friend, this is my problem..it would take me so much time to be comfortable with someone. My older sister advised exactly what you have just said and she also advised that i should get married but i told her..that even if i get married to someone else..it will actually remind me of her so much..because me and her used to talk about everything..i mean even an extent to when i chose to buy my own apartment..she was with me. The girl i was with...she was perfect..everything about her was perfect..she was very pretty, very humble, graceful and have been there when i was going through very tough time financially. I know it might not be end of the world..but to me..she would always be my first love and i cannot give that place to someone else..even i get married to someone else. And you are absolutely right, i cannot forget her but i can learn to move on. But for that to happen, i have to re-boot myself to someone else. Another thing is...since i cannot give that place to someone like she had...would i find somebody else just like that?
Hassan - you will never find someone that is just like her... but in love - the love last FOREVER only if you are "separated" by situation.
Let your love "live" with you "forever"!
To move on in life, you MUST MUST MUST get married to someone ASAP. That will take your concentration away from being "alone" and "dwelling" on the good times with her.
That will be the only best suggestion.
There are two options:
1) You can either be alone and keep thinking about her. (and you said it already you had to leave work early because of depression).
OR
2) You can continue with your life (get married, have kids, keep up with profession) and STILL THINK ABOUT HER.
Doesn't the second option take you forward in life?
This happens to everyone in life. You have just recently joined the "broken hearts club".
Welcome! :) (of course but sadly) :)
Yeah. Clearly. You should discuss this issue with her and look for closure.
No one FORCES anyone to marry anyone. You need to have an open discussion with this woman you are interested in. Maybe she'll change her mind.
I don't want to have "open" discussion or any discussion of any sort with her...i am afraid..she will get attach to me...
sorry bro, but did u break up with the turkish gal? or was it a mutual decision. i doubt she would broke it with you (given the fact that your a doc @ tor gen hos), until you are some real crazy dude.
if you break it with her then you should look back that how much time did she take to recover. may be it soothes you to find someone in similar pain
It was mutual...is that..she had to go back to Turkey coz her mother got in bad accident and she was paralyzed...
Thank you all for sound and sense advise...
Hassan - you will never find someone that is just like her... but in love - the love last FOREVER only if you are "separated" by situation.
Let your love "live" with you "forever"!
To move on in life, you MUST MUST MUST get married to someone ASAP. That will take your concentration away from being "alone" and "dwelling" on the good times with her.
That will be the only best suggestion.
There are two options: 1) You can either be alone and keep thinking about her. (and you said it already you had to leave work early because of depression).
OR
2) You can continue with your life (get married, have kids, keep up with profession) and STILL THINK ABOUT HER.
Doesn't the second option take you forward in life?
This happens to everyone in life. You have just recently joined the "broken hearts club".
Welcome! :) (of course but sadly) :)
For option #2..what you saying is..i should still think about her..when i am married to someone else..how fair is that..to this new girl in life jersey girl?. And thanks for welcoming to the club.
Re: Very tough to get over
was your gf a doctor too? if not then by desi standards she clearly wasnt meant for you... /rolls eyes
but coming back to the topic....bhai she wasnt meant for you isiliye aapki nahin bani woh...jo aapke liye bani hai woh milegi...and trust me when you find the one you're truly meant to be with you will realize that the love you have for that lady (your wife) is beyond anything you have ever felt before....I've heard this from a lot of girls and guys too who have been in the same boat as you and then got married....once they got married i heard them say stuff like "now i realize k maine pehle kabhi pyar hi nahin kiya tha"... and most of those ppl married within year of thier heartbreak
and I feel like yours will be a similar situation insha'allah when you get married and you fall in love with your wife aap sochoge yaar isse pehle maine kabhi pyar hi nahin kiya tha...it will be so strong...
I suggest you give yourself no more than a few months and in the mean time ask your gharwaale to look for a rishta for you or find a girl yourself and get married
For option #2..what you saying is..i should still think about her..when i am married to someone else..how fair is that..to this new girl in life jersey girl?. And thanks for welcoming to the club.
Face the truth buddy ! Can you EVER get her out of your thoughts? Ever? For as long as you live?
I don't think so.
That's why it's called first love.
... and about being fair to the next person - well as long as you don't bring your past in talks, comparison, and don't let that interfere with your new life - then SURE you can still think about her - given that you don't have any contact with her.
Ask ALL the pros on this board who have fallen in love - were they EVER able to forget their first love?
I don't think so.
Re: Very tough to get over
Someday you will understand why Allah SWT wanted it this way and you might eventually realise it was much better for you.
It takes a lot of time to forget such a person maybe she will always be in your thoughts somehow, but if she is a married woman now, so better forget about her as she won't come back easily. You should focus on your work, you're still young, you've even said you've been in relationships before, just continue to focus on your work and pray to Allah SWT to make things easy for you.
You also should not throw away the idea of marriage for yourself, there is no need to punish yourself like that, it won't get you anywhere and you cannot spend the rest of your life alone and depressive this won't help you nor is it Islamic.
Thanks Inzi..
Btw, did any of you went through this experience..if yes then...how long it took you to get over it??
Bro. I know its very hard to forget her at once, but reality is reality u should have to face it, try to got busy yourself in your work and with your family, dont think about other girl right now in your life becoz its take a time to u be noraml some how.... for me its almost 16 years now but she still come in my mind and in my thinking, what I did I always praying for her happiness... you loved her and u need her happy bro... wese bhi zarori nahi hai ke jis se mohbat ki jae uss se shadi bhi ho jaje ya ki jae...... mohat tou ek lateef jazbe ka nam hai jisko mehsoos tou kiya ja sakta hai,, touch nahi......
peace
Hi if you don't mind me asking; did she tell you when her dad forced her to get married?. As in just before she got married?
Did she not fight for you? Or even when her parents mentioned marriage to her cousin, she could have told you. You then could have done something.
I guess what's done is done now. The best thing for you is, somehow find out if she is happy? If so let her be. Just try and understand it was not your kismat to be with her forever. So just let life be...pray..one day you may meet another who will make you happy again.
If Allah wishes for her to be with you; this may be a very hard test and is she is meant for you, she will come back to you sooner or even much later. We don't know what our lives hold.
Good luck for the future dude, its very much true when they say time heals all wounds. So yeah let it be...live your life...try and be happy. That is all you can do!
She will always have a special place in ur heart and im sure she has a special place for u too in her heart(even tho u probably dont believe it). We fall in lov with someone else and end up marrying someone else, thts life ( for Desi's anyways).
U will fall in lov again iA and learn to lov her for who she is and her good and bad qualities, just remember not to compare her to ur first lov.
what ever happens happens for the best
best of luck!
Re: Very tough to get over
it is YOU who has to make an effort and get you out of this heart broken situation!! no one can do it!! Do a lot of praying and ask for courage!!.... you have to make yourself understand that it wasnt destined to be. you have to open the doors and windows of your heart and mind......... and let the fresh air come in...... it will clear everything.
just take a huge deep breath...... and start a new phase of life. ....... :)
Re: Very tough to get over
i think you're feeling this way temporarily but within time the feelings WILL change. even though most people here are telling you things like "if she was your first love you'll never forget her" or whatever..truth is you WILL get over it and even laugh at it in a few months/years down the road. I don't really know how you're feeling bc ive never been in your situation but inshallah you WILL get over her and you WILL find someone much better who will make you the happiest man on earth. things definitely happen for a reason..maybe if you two had gotten married, things wouldve changed and you two would not have been happy together. maybe Allah saved you from going through an even tougher heartbreak--not being happy with the person you loved. take this positively. as hard as it may be.
Re: Very tough to get over
Let me tell you one thing bro...
she got married cos her parents want her to get married with her cousin...this situation is different and deep down in your heart u will feel that she was faithfull to you but her parents did not want her to marry you...BUT if some girl or boy who is in love with someone but thn find other person and they leave you and marry them..this this is MORE painfull trust me...this thing will hurt you like hell forever that why he/she did that to me? why she/she left me fot someone else?? so i wud say you are lucky cos she didnt did any Be-wafai with your Love...
Re: Very tough to get over
Bud, All i would say is as Desimunda said it is going to take time and trust me if you were that close to the girl i dont think you will fget her lekin it will get easier and i say that with experience. So chill, you enjoyed the JOY of love now experience the pain of love as uss ka bhi apna mazaa hai and eventually it gets better.
As they say " ACHAY WAQT KEE BUREE BAAT HAI KEY WOH JALD BEET JAATA HAI AUR BURAY WAQT KEE ACHEE BAAT YEH HAI KEY WOH BHI KABHI NA KABHI BEET JAATA HAI !!!
Be patient and put your energy towards something productive.
Re: Very tough to get over
Words of wisdom that only a girl could come up with. Time doesn't heal all wounds, its simple dulls the aches and memories of the pain. So basically you will get over it. It will take time but such is life. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Words of wisdom that only a girl could come up with. Time doesn't heal all wounds, its simple dulls the aches and memories of the pain. So basically you will get over it. It will take time but such is life. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I like these words! except for the last line - that it makes us stronger.