oh i'm fine. i was just reading through everything just now, and filtering out all the advise to what is relevant to my situation. it is indeed a tough situation to be in.
LaMocker, that is what we have been considering actually! I meet a lot of people at the resteraunts that I interact with , so it's not a far fetched idea. And I think it is a good one, one that my own parents have suggested. That is one of the reasons why I am also expanding my businesses just to meet other people and bypass the "meet the parent stage" stage...which always seems to complicate matters more then necessary.
I'm turning 23 in july so I'm a little worried about hitting the quarter centry mark unmarried or even close to getting married, so yeah...especially because I have accompolished all that I had to hoped to accompolish financially (although the desire for more money never ends, lol!) and educationally, and there's only one thing left to do to- get married.
I wish you all the best Ruqi. You sound like an amazing person who has faced and overcome much adversity. So may your worries be in the past and nothing but happiness in your future! There is a guy out there who will be lucky enough to find you one day. And I do agree that your restaurants may be a good place for that to happen. All the best to you.
ps I was in my 30-somethings when I met my knight in shining armor so no worries, no rush here. You'll know when things are right and we'll be here to celebrate with you!
I wish you all the best Ruqi. You sound like an amazing person who has faced and overcome much adversity. So may your worries be in the past and nothing but happiness in your future! There is a guy out there who will be lucky enough to find you one day. And I do agree that your restaurants may be a good place for that to happen. All the best to you.
ps I was in my 30-somethings when I met my knight in shining armor so no worries, no rush here. You'll know when things are right and we'll be here to celebrate with you!
Thanks for the beautiful prayer...I pray your three children grow up healthy and strong and make you an even prouder Mama :)
Salam my sweetie,
dont loose hope, dont lie, dont hide...
Just remember ALLAH.He has Made someone for you , somewhere...
shayad der lagey...par woh aye ga! INSHALLAH
LOADS OF DUAS FOR YOU!
Take gud care of urself
I think that there is not need to tell EVERYONE from the get-go.
If the rishta progresses and he seems interested, then you can tell him personally, but like others said, there is no need for his whole family to be aware it, especially before they get to know you as a person.
I think its important to tell them just Allah na karre if something like that was to occur again they would be prepared. I dont think they are scared of you, I think they are scared of the responsibility or maybe even losing you one day, that is very hard to deal with.
I am sure the guy in your faith will be amazing and will not care about your medical history :) And besides, why would you want to marry someone who cant accept you the way you are?
You know what ... I do think that honesty is the best policy and all that. BUT when its the parents who are seeking a rishta for their child - one who overcame such a thing as a childhood brain tumor - when they mention this at the very outset, before the two meet or even after a first meeting, as if its a HUGE thing then the parents of the potential rishta are going to call things off right then and there. I mean if they talk about it at the outset then it MUST be a huge issue right? So if its NOT a huge issue then keep quiet, let them meet and let them talk things out for themselves. I've seen here that some people think that a childhood brain tumor is a huge and ongoing lifetime event...I know that isnt always the case, that it can be cured once and for all without further care, without further medication, without effect. Many would not accept this. Let it go till the couple reaches the point where they can discuss it on their own without the parents being involved.
i think you should tell the guy yourself at a later stage, theres no need for your parents to divulge that info at such an early stage. and really you had it when you're 14, its not like cancer that can always come back. i mean its not like you ask anyone to give you their medical history when they get married, they could have been through a lot of illnesses/issues. unless theres a current or very high potential of your health going wrong and you know about it i don't see the need to mention it.
Not only for this case, it is for every guy or gal if he/she has any problem (past or now) or in past they had something wrong tell at the time of rishta, it prevents them from many big problems.
One of my SIL has worms in her stomach in her childhood, the parents took her to hospital, instead of giving her only medicine, they operate her stomach and doing stictches in wrong way, when she grows up she did plastic surgery but a operation mark is on her tummy, again plastic surgery is done to remove that mark but then mark is minimized but not removed and all family members are afraid how she will marry with a mark on tummy. So when her rishta came after discussed it with the family my hubby told him (guy) and his family there is a operation mark on her tummy becoz of operation in childhood so in future it cause no problem so after long long time his family made deicision that the guy is ready to marry my SIL and it cause a trust build up between families other wise they said u hide things .... so u have to tell guy about it and Insha-Allah u will get marry soon without hassle and without any fear aameen.
Not only for this case, it is for every guy or gal if he/she has any problem (past or now) or in past they had something wrong tell at the time of rishta, it prevents them from many big problems.
One of my SIL has worms in her stomach in her childhood, the parents took her to hospital, instead of giving her only medicine, they operate her stomach and doing stictches in wrong way, when she grows up she did plastic surgery but a operation mark is on her tummy, again plastic surgery is done to remove that mark but then mark is minimized but not removed and all family members are afraid how she will marry with a mark on tummy. So when her rishta came after discussed it with the family my hubby told him (guy) and his family there is a operation mark on her tummy becoz of operation in childhood so in future it cause no problem so after long long time his family made deicision that the guy is ready to marry my SIL and it cause a trust build up between families other wise they said u hide things .... so u have to tell guy about it and Insha-Allah u will get marry soon without hassle and without any fear aameen.
damn! why does the WHOLE world have to be involved in a very private issue. I mean why couldn't the girl do this by HERSELF?
damn! why does the WHOLE world have to be involved in a very private issue. I mean why couldn't the girl do this by HERSELF?
just ewww.
Becoz she lives in Paksitan not in US and in Pakistan these matters are discussed by parents not by the guy and girl. She didn't met with her fiance before marriage so how can she communicate with him on this matter, and if after marriage any mishap came she blammed to parents os I think this is good deceision and she is happy and now she has been married for 6 years without any touble.
Hello Ruki. Nice to know that you are hale n hearty. Your parents are doing the right way of letting the prospect know in advance. If he sticks around than he is genuine and this will take the burden off your parents that you will not face challenges in your marital life due to this reason !!!