Very personal question

Lifestyle Relationships
21

I can feel you sister.

I know my one of very close relative got brain tumor and had operation and become normal.

But I know she has to take her medicine for whole life. She also got a scar and some kind of hole on her forehead.

So for that reason I think you should tell. If you have to take medicine for whole your life. You would also need to take care of. As you can have siezure any time if you would avoid taking madicine. You would also talk senseless (like me lol) if skip your medicine.

So yes tell them otherwise he would know after marriage and it would be a problem. So better to tell the truth. If that is not the case which is you don't have to take a medicine (Dilentine) for whole of your life then don't tell. And if your scar is hidden under your hair.

Fikar na karain jis nain karna ho ga aap say shadi wo zaroor karay ga Insha Allah. Chahay aap batain kay na batain.

Meray aik relative ki bahan ko bemari thi skin ki jis main skin sufaid ho jata hai. Main bhool gaya bemari ka naam. Uska bhai sub ko such batata tha aur sub bhaag jaatay thay. Laikin bhai kahta tha main jhoot bol kay shadi naheen karoon ga bahan ki. Aik such sun kar bhi shadi karnay ko tayyar ho gia. Isliaay time laga. larki ki age ziada ho gai per shadi ho gai. Mera khiaal hai uska husband usko tough time naheen deta ho ga is liaay ka us nain jaan kar shadi kia agar dhoka kar kay shodi hoti to phir wo tough time day sakta tha.

Achcha loag aaj bhi dunia main hain. Zaroor milain so unka intezar karain wo ziada behtar hai.

Aisay loag bohat achchay hotay hain jo sun kar bhi shadi kar lain. Dhoka karna achcha naheen. Such bolain Allah per bharosa rakhain.

Meri bahan ki aik friend ki bahan langri thi paidaish. Us ka rishta lugta tha larki ki maan naheen batati thi rishtaywalon ko kary uski beti langri hai. Jubkay wo larki sub say khoobsoorat thi. Laikin larki ki married bahan phone kar kay chupkay say bata dia karti thi kay aap aain aur meri bahan ko reject kar kay jaain is liaay main pehlay bata deti hoon meri bahan langri hai. Sub bhaag jaatay thay.

Aik nain kaha jo larkay ka baap tha jub larki ki bahan nain phone kia aur kahan uncle meri bahan langri hai aap pehlay soch lain main naheen chahti aap ka time aur paisa zaya ho anay jaanay main. Larkay kay baap nain kaha beta mujhay aap ki yaay baat bohat achchi lagi ub to aap rishta pukka samjhain aur main larki daikhnain bh naheen aoon ga. Aap nain such bola mujhay yay baat bohat achchi lagi. Kuch arsa pehlay larki ki shaadi ho gai. Mazay ki baat shadi hotay hi kisi tarha miaan biwi kisi mulk ka ticket jeet gaay aur honey moon pay gaay. She is very happy now.

Don't get disharted. Keep faith on Allah. You will get the best one Insha Allah.

Waisay to daikha jaay aam ya achchi aur normal larkioon ko bhi kai loag daikh kar shadi naheen kartay. Zaroori thori hai kay her koi rishtay pay tayyar ho jaay.

Keep praying. Keep helping your mom and father. Unki duain lain Allah aap ka bhala karay ga. Insha Allah.

You sure need a caring husband.

22

Very Well Said.

23

Exactly You have ability to say things in very few words masha Allah.

I don't agree with you. Don't let it go very far.

I know very well I've been with the person. Who got tumor and had operation. The person never remain the same.

No metter if the tumor is benain or malignant.

The person I know got tumor in very superficial part of head. Which was very easy to remove but it left a scar and a hole in forehead.

Even the tumor was benain she needed to take Dilentine capsule for whole her life. That medicine is very expensive. It was even hard to find in Pakistn.

Whenever she use to skip or forget the medicine for few days. She use to talk non stop and talk out of nothing. Her old stories.

She also gets siezure due to skipping medicine. Due to siezure she might go to paralisis. Or broke her bone. As once that lady had siezure in night during sleeping don't know how broke her hand.

You need a caring person. So please don't lie. Waisay bhi Islam hamain such bolnay ka sikhata hai.

Main apn bataoon. Kay main khud larki dhoondh raha hoon khud kay liaay. Agar koi mujh say jhoot bolay ga aur agar mujh ko pata chal gia shadi say chund minute pehlay kay koi aik chota sa bhi jhoot bola to main shadi naheen karoon ga.

Abhi jub larkion kay photos atay hain meray paas ub larki nain contact lens pehna hai to yay dhoka hai na. Aap asli photo dain. Jis nain pasand karni ho gi kar lay ga. Naheen karni ho gi naheen karay ka lense laga ho kay na ho. Aap ko kia pata rishta daikhnay wala kis baat ya kis khaas baat ko ahmiaat deta hai. Isliaay main nain politely kahan yay to dhoka hai lense laga kar to sub hi achchi lagnay lagteen hain. Aap baghair lense wali picture bhaijain. Mujhay pasand ani ho gi tub bhi aay gi, naheen ani ho gi naheen aay gi.

No jhoot at all.

Main to bohat chota aur ghair zaroori jhoot bhi pasand naheen karoon ga rishtay kay baray main aur na hi khud kuch aik lufz jhooot bolta hoon. Jis nain karni hai karay gi.

24

Re: Very personal question

@Gr8Heera

On a totally separate note, don't you think choosing girls based on their photos a little weird. Seems more like shopping for a dress.

25

Tell me what ways I could use?

What you would do. Go for wedding without seeing the person or what?

Guys vs Gurlz
26

Re: Very personal question

Hmmm... I agree with Sadzzz and Redvelvet (who is one of the best people to turn to in this forum for advice :))

Say you have a Valentine
27

Re: Very personal question

It's great that you are cured... really good...but you must tell your potential partner because it's a life altering issue. You can definitely be sure to scan out the ones who are worthy of your time. If you don't tell, then whenever your partner finds out - that person will feel betrayed, and will always think what else are you hiding? If you already told your partner and he accepts you from the beginning - you have won that person's heart for life! :)

28

Agree 100%.

Suchchay ppl will ask you to tell the truth and jhootay ppl will ask to to hide.

You can't hide as I for sure know you have to take drugs for your whole life. And if you skip that medicine even for 2 days you will go out of your senses and keep talking and talking and talking and talking.

And if you skip more then 2 days you will get siezure. During siezure you might fall and break your bone.

The medicine you need to take whole your life is very expensive.

If you would get stressed continuously you could go out of mind. So sure tell them at very first place. Ppl won't like even after going far and say no. No matter how far the process has gone.

I personally know this situation and been to that type of person so I'm experienced so giving you right mashwara. Don't listen to jhootay ppl who ask you to hide things.

Always go for Truth. Yes it can hurt you in the begining and a lot but in the end you will get happiness. Insha Allah. Jhoot kay pair naheen hotay aur SUCH ka hamaisha bol bala hota hai.

Say you have a Valentine
29

Re: Very personal question

Ruqi, it sounds to me like you had a successful removal of a benign brain tumor? Mashallah! If you have no need for ongoing treatments or medications, if you have no disabilities relating to it then there really should be no need to discuss it with a potential rishta at the outset. Sure, before marriage takes place you should fill him in on your past medical history - but if its all in the past and it isnt something that is part of your life today then no need to announce it at the first meeting as if its some huge ongoing issue. If its not, then dont treat it as such.

30

M03 - while I agree with you about no need to discuss it at the first meeting, I think it's equally important to discuss it before marriage.

You see you pointed out the "benign tumor" - This is how you immediately saw it - that's a plus point! But others MAY not see it that way and may have FEARS - which can easily be discussed... and it's a better way to be informed in a relationship that will be heading towards marriage.

31

Re: Very personal question

my neice who has just turned 5 has brain tumour we jus found out in january and she had 90% removed by operation which was really good the rest is left on chemo! however all her mum thinks is she has no future now..and it really annoys me because its no fault of my neice or anyone its just the way Allah made it...Allah makes or joriyaan and we come to this world with out naseeb and taqdeer already written its just a matter of it happening! now if epopel are refusing because of ur past then they are stupid! they mayeb healthy people 2day but nobody knows what can happen the next minute..god forbid those that are healthy can develop tumours etc. If they are refusin purely on the grounds of ur past then thats silly and its not meant to be! your tumour isn't your personality and they should get to know u for who u not for who ur tumour is!

i think its good that u do tell them because theres always someone that will open there mouth and say something! its part of you and u shouldnt be ashamed, allah has made someone for you and when the time comes that right person will come!

i hope everything works out for you and just be happy and think about what you've achieved and how far you hav come! all the best! x

32

Re: Very personal question

Yes thats why I said "Sure, before marriage takes place you should fill him in on your past medical history - but if its all in the past and it isnt something that is part of your life today then no need to announce it at the first meeting as if its some huge ongoing issue"

Many benign brain tumors can be removed and the patient cured without recurrence and without effect. So if this is the case here, which it sounds like, then its kind of foolish to make a huge deal of it at the first meeting or even before the first meeting.

Battle for Lahore.
33

Re: Very personal question

From Harvard school of Neurosurgery:

*A benign brain tumor consists of benign (harmless) cells and has distinct boundaries. **Surgery alone may cure this type of tumor. ***

ABTA’s: A Primer of Brain Tumors

34

NJMasti what I'm telling again and again it was for benign tumor so she has to take expensive medicine for whole her life. She must have had a whole in the place where they started cutting her head. She can't hide at all. If that whole is on her forehead everyone will see.

She need a caring person who could understand not from dhoka who could give her hard time to make her out of her senses.

Exactly.

Yes Benign tumor can be removed but the person has to take expensive medicine for whole her life. and skiping only for 2 days make her out of senses.

His parents are doing good for her.

MO3 Google can't tell you that even in benign tumor she has to take her expensive medicine.

Muhabbat aik din ki baat hai kya?!?!
35

Re: Very personal question

Ruqi,

Have you considered trying to find someone on your own? The rishta process can be something like a minefield when you're dealing with an illness- (or a past illness). I completely understand where you are coming from; and I think that it is necessary to tell the person- but only him. His family does not need to know; it sounds like your parents are the ones communicating this, and it should be you.

The tricky bit about rishta's that go through the parents only is that they can interact with you very minimally, so being able to build up to you telling him is even harder. I disagree with what some have said; that you should let this go veryy far and then tell them; the last thing you want is to get emotionally vested in a person; and then see them walk away for something like this.

The best scenario, in my opinion, would be to find someone that you can build a friendship with first, tell them in that stage, before considering anything else. It's rough, but in the end iA it will be worth it :-)

Say you have a Valentine
36

Re: Very personal question

Gr8, you obviously know someone who underwent surgery to remove a tumor deeply embedded in the brain tissue which caused damage which in turn requires medication to control seizures and episodes. Very sad and unfortunate circumstance.

I know a child, in 7th grade now, who had a surface brain tumor which was removed about 4 years ago and he had no permanent damage, no huge scar (there is a small dot underneath his hairline, they did not even have to open his skull to remove the tumor), he takes no medication, he participates fully in school and sports, he has no seizures and never did - he is a completely normal boy in every way. Due to the type of tumor he had, his docs do not expect a recurrence.

Every case is different.

37

Re: Very personal question

DONT TELL THEM.... Let a guy get to know your first, and than let him know and him only. The whole family doesn't need to know, but he does, because when you go to doctor or when you are pregnant this will come up.

38

No MO3. It was superficial. but has to take medicine.

I did my whole research but it's been long time. I read medical students book but now I forgot.

Yes My close family member went through that. That person had benign tumor and was very superficial tumor but had to take medicine for whole life.

Masha Allah. for the child.

Timepass - February
39

Re: Very personal question

Ruqi, that's a very interesting question, I really don't know what the right answer is. Hmmm... i guess you're in a tight spot, I really do wish you the best in life, but I don't know how I'd feel if a potential mate told me that she had a tumor removed from the brain, it's such an ethical conundrum.

40

Re: Very personal question

How are you you doing, Ruqi? You haven't been on in a while now. I hope you feel better/have a better idea about the situation. Talk about the ideas everyone has shared with your parents. Somewhere out there is an amazing and intelligent guy who is not gonna care about your past at all. If someone is going to reject only on the basis of your past...and that too after getting to know you really well....let that person go. When someone rejects you, it's their way of saying your life is better off without them! They've done you the favor of clearing your way for a much better guy to come!