I introduced this guy I was getting to know ( i have known him for 3.5 years) to my parents. His parents came to the house it seemed to go well. We do not know the families etc as this was my choice and they are not local. Neither family had any contact apart from the call from his parents that they intend to visit and no contact has been made by his parents since the visit. I have spoken with the guy and every week its another excuse why nothing is progressing. I have told him to stop wasting my time and his and just be honest about what is happening. He ignores this and continues like things are “normal” even though he knows they are not.
I dont understand as he does not speak to me with what is going on I know nobody can give me an answer but am i just wasting my time?
Don't limit yourself to him when there is nothing official from his end. I know you've developed an attachment to him as 3.5 years is a long time, but you'll have to push yourself to detach; it requires some will power. Considering the long duration that you both have been friends, I feel that he owes you an explanation. If he can't and won't show you basic consideration, then you don't need to have any for him by putting your life on hold for him. So, push yourself to explore other options (rishtas etc) that may be better than this guy. Let him know calmly......(don't use a defensive or threatening tone; don't sound like you're giving him an ultimatum)...just calmly let him know if he's not interested in taking the relationship to the next level, that you respect his decision and will keep your options open and wish him the best. You'll have to reduce/cut off contact with him cuz you won't be able to move on to new guy if you're still communicating with him at the same frequency. And once you decide that you're moving on, stick to your decision. Do not contact him cuz it makes you look like you're undecided and desperate and incapable of adhering to your decisions. If he decides to make a formal commitment, he knows how to reach you so let him be the one to do so.
I introduced this guy I was getting to know ( i have known him for 3.5 years) to my parents. His parents came to the house it seemed to go well. We do not know the families etc as this was my choice and they are not local. Neither family had any contact apart from the call from his parents that they intend to visit and no contact has been made by his parents since the visit. I have spoken with the guy and every week its another excuse why nothing is progressing. I have told him to stop wasting my time and his and just be honest about what is happening. He ignores this and continues like things are "normal" even though he knows they are not.
I dont understand as he does not speak to me with what is going on :( I know nobody can give me an answer but am i just wasting my time?
The one thing I"ve learned, from my own experiences and watching my friends, is that when a guy wants it to work and make it official he will do WHATEVER it takes. The passiveness is troubling and I don't think you should sit there and wait for him because it doesn't seem like he's serious enough about this to make it official. As other people have said, considering how long you guys have been together, he definitely owes you an explanation. And I feel like at 3.5 years, you should be honest and open enough with each other where you can tell the other that "hey my parents have this and this issue. but i love you so how can we make this work". Just shutting someone out is disrespectful especially since you're asking him straight up for an answer.
if another good rishta comes along, entertain that rishta. don't just sit N wait for this guy's parent's response. tbh, usually, it's not a good sign if they do not contact within a reasonable time frame. i think your guy is just mama's boy and can't go against his parents' wishes. there is a slim chance that he has a good excuse which is valid also.
if i were you, i wouldn't pin too much hope on this guy.
good luck N take care of yourself and your interests and priorities and be realistic and rational in your search/expectations.
@soconfused is advising in thread titled “very confused” go figure!
On serious note to OP, before I unleash my advise on you, how long it has been since his parents visited you guys?
If months have passed, perhaps its the time to pack bags and move on. Its its 2-3 weeks, you can give some time. My guess is that you are not the only one in the pool of girls his parents are daaling their nazar-e-ulfat on. They might be evaluating and comparing 2…3…4 girls.
Just tell him in civilized manner that since you guys are not getting any reply/input from the guy or his parents, you cant wait forever and you WILL accept if you run into some good rishta.
The one thing I"ve learned, from my own experiences and watching my friends, is that when a guy wants it to work and make it official he will do WHATEVER it takes.
I've now learned that if you just stop contacting him and give him a taste of his own medicine with the silent treatment and cold cut off, he will 1) not respond back and you have your answer he was just too afraid to hurt your feelings by a direct conversation or 2) he will contact you and resume conversations.
If number 2 and he then goes cold again, then you stop contacting him again and this time don't reply back much even if he contacts.
If they're interested they will contact you to see what is going on and why you're not running after them.
Don't spoil these guys. guys are so spoiled in our culture because our girls WILL run after anyone who has a decent education, job, and looks good.
Thank u everybody for all your input and kind advice. It was very helpful.
I know what needs to be done and that is reducing contact which I have been trying to do but it is difficult.
I think I just needed to hear it (well read) it just in case I was in the ''wrong''. I know I am not but I was doubting myself.
Thank u all once again x
It's definitely easier said than done but just rip that bandage off. Cut him out of your life if you're sure that he's not going to make the effort for you -- and it seems like he isn't. I tend to get attached quickly too and it's scary how obsessed you can get with just checking this person's facebook, etc etc...so delete him from all that if he's on there. Like I said before, if a guy likes you, he'll do whatever it takes. You have to understand that you're worth it and don't let him, or any other guy, treat you like you aren't.
Thank u everybody for all your input and kind advice. It was very helpful.
I know what needs to be done and that is reducing contact which I have been trying to do but it is difficult.
I think I just needed to hear it (well read) it just in case I was in the ''wrong''. I know I am not but I was doubting myself.
Thank u all once again x
It is hard. I found that when I had trouble detaching, dealing with the lonliness and dealing with a broken heart (sounds cheesy I know), but reading the Quran helped.
There is a lot of every day wisdom in the Quran. And you'll find a lot of verses apply to your heart and interpersonal relationships, general disappointments in life, etc. A great deal of re-assurance in there.
A friend of mine I guess had her heart broken, and she wrote on her fb wall one day that she is reading the Quran, word of Allah, the very God that created the heart that was broken, and she found solace and therapy for that broken heart in the Quran. So I got to reading it when I have my emotional meltdowns and it actually steadies you.
I stopped having desire to contact the guy who hurt me, pretty soon. Try it.
I know what needs to be done and that is reducing contact which I have been trying to do but it is difficult.
Like someone said earlier, its better to rip off a bandaid then to slowly take it off. Cut off contact with him completely (Yes I know it's hard but it can be done). Tell him you will meet him or return his calls/texts AFTER his parents have contacted your parents at this point.
Otherwise, you have no one to blame but yourself if you continue staying in touch with him and end up broken hearted.
Yep and in those situatons don't even tell them it is over. Just stop talking to them. The curiosity will kill them. Let them die the slow painful death of "wait what happened??"
the same thing happened to me .. the guy led me on for years and then dumped me at the end because he knew i was so attached to him that i could not get out of it .. at the end when he was getting married to someone else and i rejected a rishta for him then he jsut laughed and said i ****ed your life over .. so be careful because then you will be left hanging at the end feeling really down with your heart broken and its not a nice place to be
I know nobody can give me an answer but am i just wasting my time?