Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

[StrangeOne]

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

@Paheli00

You being a Ivy League doctor, I’m not sure why this is such a difficult concept for you. She was NOT your wife. She was not even your fiancé! You can call her whatever you want but clearly, she did not see you as her “boyfriend”. You may have been discussing marriage but even the baat pakki between the families never happened. She acted single b/c she was single! Moving forward, you need to keep in mind that in arranged marriages, there is to commitment until a formal baat pakki has taken place between the families. Until then, you are free and so is the girl.

Asking a woman to change certain things when it comes to interacting with male friends AFTER baat pakki and/or marriage = Reasonable.

Asking a woman when there is not formal commitment at all to change how she interacts with her friends, what she wears etc. = Controlling

I would actually prefer that this stuff comes to forefront beforehand actually. After baat paki it’s really hard to break up when the whole family is invested. I have a friend whose fiance hunted down all her pictures on Facebook and made people take down her pics. Another friend’s ex husband deleted all her male friends including her professors. I also don’t let people tag my photos or let them be put up unless I’m reassured they’re private but if some guy decided to do that for me I would back away from that person immediately because possessive is kind of creepy. I’m sure there are girls out who won’t mind (my friend did marry her guy) so he’s made for them and not me. It’s as simple as that. The niqaabi girls I knew in A levels got married to the painchay unchay guys and backless choli girls are now married to guys who put up their wives’ pictures on their Facebook pages in those backless cholis. There are people put there for everyone. Just don’t turn them into a diy project and get the big questions out of the way first.