hes treating her like crap already imagine wat will he do once she will be living with him,in situations like these one shuld be very carefull i ll tell you wat i did.once my really good friend was getting married to a guy i knew for ages i knew wat he was all about.i decided to tell her everything,she believed me, told me hes an ahole n im goin to break it off next thing i know she had another fight with him n told him everything i told her.guy called me n told me y are you doin this to me i ve never ever said anything to you blah blah blah,now they are married n i lost my really good friend,when people are in love they go coocoo they cant really see the difference between right n wrong so wat ill suggest is tell her once very politely that its really not nice of him to abuse you like this,you surely dont deserve this n thats about it
Re: verbal abuse....
yeh thats wot im worried about bcos i no the guy aswel i mean hes lovely generally & i dont have a problem with him my issue is that they just dont go together bcos of their arguments & the way he treats her wen hes angry...
but yes she seems madly in love with him & theres no way she has the courage to break it off now (bcos of families being involved etc) so if i do say something about leaving him she'll avoid me even more...so i was thinking of trying to help her in the way fk1437 has suggested, i mean if she is going to take the plunge then i should atleast try to give her some safety tips
thanks again.
^ aishii..ur getting too involved..ur takin it too personally..no girl's marriage is a bed of roses..everyone has problems to deal iwht..that's life..thats a fact..let her sort out her problems by herself just liket he rest of the world..ur only gonna get urself into trouble if u get too involved..
Re: verbal abuse....
ok il just keep quiet, i don't want to get involved in her business but i just got the impression that shes lonely & needed help, if she talks to me again i will say something otherwise il leaver her to it (which hurts) but inshallah things will improve for her, thanks x
yeh thats wot im worried about bcos i no the guy aswel i mean hes lovely generally & i dont have a problem with him my issue is that they just dont go together bcos of their arguments & the way he treats her wen hes angry...
but yes she seems madly in love with him & theres no way she has the courage to break it off now (bcos of families being involved etc) so if i do say something about leaving him she'll avoid me even more...so i was thinking of trying to help her in the way fk1437 has suggested, i mean if she is going to take the plunge then i should atleast try to give her some safety tips
thanks again.
seriously aishi, i m tellin you he is NOT going to change. i have a friend whose hubby is like this guy, very respectful, decent and all but with her, he verbally abusing her(all kinds of urdu abuses, even hearing them wud make you jittery) but she went on and married him. he started beating her brutally and when I say brutally I mean pulling hair, kicking everywhere, slapping, pushing, beating with shoes, throwing things. it was really painful for her. they have been married for 3 1/2 years now.. no kids. partially my friend is to be blamed cus she brought his parents topic and one thing led to another, he strted beating her whenever she would argue. now his temper has reached such a point that she DUSNT have to talk abt his family to make him angry... small things make him crazy and he starts sayin the most explicit urdu curses you can imagine... in a nutshell... SAVE YOUR FRIEND FROM THE MISERY. my friend deeply regrets marryin that asshole. you can save ur friend from the long term pain. trust me, she will forget all this love shove when she marries him and finds him to be abusive. love is blind, its true and you end up regretting all your life later.
^ aishii..ur getting too involved..ur takin it too personally..no girl's marriage is a bed of roses..everyone has problems to deal iwht..that's life..thats a fact..let her sort out her problems by herself just liket he rest of the world..ur only gonna get urself into trouble if u get too involved..
i dun agree with you. no doubt, this is her friends life but aishi, being her friend, should warn her of the consequences. i regret not telling my friend to back off... she wouldve been so happy without the guy shes married to now. these men never change... if he is abusive and has shown the tendency to throw things around and be violent, then the signs are there... he can physically hurt her too.. its very sad but true.
indeed every marriage has ups and downs but even before marriage if there are alot of things that r not going on well.. then someone should do something to stop them. her friend is blind rite now, later when she realizes it will b too late.
Re: verbal abuse....
He's only apologising to her because they aren't married yet. Once they are married, he'll continue being verbally abusive, but she won't be getting any apologies from him. If she won't listen to you, just ask her to mentally prepare herself so she doesn't go into shock afterwards.
Time and time again as I say a broken engagement is much better then a broken marraige. If he doesn't want to change himself, he is not going to change and this emotional /verbal abuse is only going to get worse.A person who makes the other person feel less then a human is an abuser. The charm that gets him outta trouble later are just his tactics to further control the person. She needs to either walk away or set very specific boundaries ...like what she will take from this person. There are always deal breakers in relationships and they have to decide before hand what they would be and when and where they need to put their foot down.
Ask99 ..
a great reply....
He's only apologising to her because they aren't married yet. Once they are married, he'll continue being verbally abusive, but she won't be getting any apologies from him. If she won't listen to you, just ask her to mentally prepare herself so she doesn't go into shock afterwards.
well said!