EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON HERE reckons here that the money they make is only for them. Hubby etc shouldnt see a single penny of that. there is no concept of contribution.
your argument is invalid.
Really? I make a lot of money and I don't spend even $20 of it without asking my husband. Does he stop me? No. I just like to ask. My money has always been his. I have never had this concept that my money is mine. As a matter of fact, I don't care much for money at all. And guess what my in laws live with me. And guess what else! I contribute 100% of what I make to this household!
I know that about islam. Thats why I was so confident in my statement. The statement still stands.
How does your argument still stand? You said every woman WRONGLY thinks her money belongs to herself only, and I told you they are within their Islamic RIGHTS to think that. What part of the argument is left? Lol
I am not closed minded Sehrysh. I am open to convincing. People will tell you that when I am proved wrong I acknowledge it. And if I behaved inappropriately during my ignorance or in anger, I will apologise with an assurance of no repeats. However, I will hold true to the universal truths. There are greys in life. But there are black and white scenarios too.
I'm not suggesting that you're closeminded - in fact far from it. All I'm saying is that the much-maligned women posters are also not closed-minded.
And as far as absolute universal truths, I agree there are some instances where you or I would assume that right or wrong are an incontrovertible truth - I think of murder, rape, physical abuse to be such examples. But surprisingly in the big wide world, there are some instances where even those absolute truths get clouded by context and history.
^^^ And I said in my first post in this thread that there is a fine line between backbiting and venting and I hope I do not cross into backbiting. I also gave the example of how I 'compare' with my sister what we give our husbands for lunch - an example which you conveniently chose to ignore when quoting my point.
If you're going to single me out, at least get some solid evidence.
I am going to congratulate myself for making it all the way to the end of page 4. phew! So much negative energy in this thread.
I am not married, so I can't say what I will or will not do in the future. But using my mom as an example, she has always been a house wife and always lived in joint family system. Earlier in her marriage, my dad used to get posted in different cities and my grandmother suggested my mom should go with him (rather than having him visit on weekends only). My mom tried that for awhile but she preferred the joint set-up and moved back shortly after. My grandfather used to work in the army before retirement, so he applied that army discipline and punctuality at home too. That meant things like, no clutter in the house (with 4 babies), khana on time and very specific type of meals (regardless of the circumstance ... like power outages, a kid being sick, etc.). I have always gathered from others (elders) in my family that my mom has hardly ever disclosed any negative family experiences (although I know for a fact that there have been times where she could have). I do know that my mom has always confided in my dad as her support system and her best friend. And my dad has done the same. That's what makes their relationship so strong, mA.
A lot of things are lost on our generation. We make a mountain out of a molehill. There is an obvious shift in priorities. And (perhaps) we are not as successful in managing our relationships as our elders were.
I do agree that judging by life1, there seems to be a lot of bitterness/backbiting/venting going on but I'm not sure that's an accurate reflection on how all Pakistani women behave in a given situation. A lot of the "sane" people simply don't post here.
I also agree with Sehrysh that sometimes things get too difficult to bear and one needs an outlet to vent and gain insight. We should be mindful of how we word our problems and how we judge others.
Personally, I've observed that when people, both men and women, vent in real life they do so in order to get another person's perspective, that of the person they are venting to, on the matter that is bothering them. I can see why this would be helpful as sometimes others pick up on things that we miss and can offer a bit of insight from a point of view that we may not have considered. In such cases, people discuss the issue at hand in quite a bit of detail but do so without negativity or name calling.
That is usually not the type of "venting" that is posted on GS though. The type of venting that I've observed on here typically falls into two categories: (a) hateful, one sided bollocks about how the OP's mil/sil/in-law of choice is a horrid cow whose aim in life is to make the OP's life miserable or (b) over emotional, self pitying melodrama about how the OP is the devoted, long suffering daughter-in-law being victimised by her evil in-laws and the rest of the big bad world. These women do not seem to want another prospective but rather to be patted on the head and told that what they are doing is correct, even if it is not. They are simply seeking approval for what is often immature, drama inciting behaviour. The sad part is that they usually get it.
At the risk of once again being dissed as "knight in armor" got to agree with PCG. Dumb and vile and other insults uncalled for.
Name calling, gali galouch, threatening, harassing, abrasive and crass behavior is the mark of a real he man, people need to prove their manliness.(Sarcasm Alert)
Actually according to Islam a woman is not required to do housework either.
Typical. When it comes to rights, you'd like the rights a western society gives to a woman. When it comes to responsibilities, Islam comes in. You'd like rights given by western values and Islam to a woman but wouldn't want to take responsibilities from either.
My (western) flatmate splits all expenses (including laundry, snacks, and even movie tickets :P ) with her wife 50:50 but then contributes to household chores too. In return she gets all the rights a western society gives her and is not expected to cook regularly, for example. If she wants the desi kind of rights, then she'll have to bear desi kind of responsibilities too.
Actually according to Islam a woman is not required to do housework
Let's do this then. Stop having any responsibilities since that is your Islamic right AND let's have your husbands decide everything for you because that is his right Islamically.
I think what kakaballi and others were trying to state when they brought up the matter of a woman's income is that many women who claim to be so secular and non-religious rather conveniently use religion when it suits their own agenda. It is this hypocrisy and cherry picking that gives men the impression that women are fickle, duplicitous creatures attempting to have our cake and eat it too.
