Are we saying all women who complain live in a joint family system?
Really?
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Without it sounding like an excuse, we all know men and women think, perceive and react differently. While they may share the same core values - not all women consider their 'venting' to be back-biting. For many it is reaching out to a support system for sympathy, understanding, advice and yes validation.
Does that mean that gheebat is excusable, nope not at all. But in some instances it's not about talking about someone else, rather it's talking out a situation for perspective and insight.
The thing is - maligning someone when you talk about them versus just describing a situation are different acts. But if someone doesn't like the way another is presented in the telling of a tale, it comes across as 'dissing' them. Kabhi Kabhi haqeeqat bohut talkh hoti hai and we don't like how we or those we are close to, come across in another's telling of a situation.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Bella has a good point. You guys wouldn't tolerate it for a day if you went thru the usual desi susral experience that women go through.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Even if women don't live in a joint family, they still live under the shadow of their husbands. Husbands have the way upper hand and it's about what bad things are being done to women not what faults the in laws husbands have as a general rule.
Even if women work a lot of them can't spend their own money like they want to, but on the other hand the man can. Even if the wife has a different opinion about how not to spend money, usually the man can veto it.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
^ That's because women let them. At least if you are making your own money you can keep a separate account and control your own income, if joint management isn't working out. Most women just don't have the courage to stand up for themselves when they're being dominated.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
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Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
^ kyun diwana jee, chup chup khoye khoye?
:@:
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Without it sounding like an excuse, we all know men and women think, perceive and react differently. While they may share the same core values -** not all women consider their 'venting' to be back-biting. For many it is reaching out to a support system for sympathy, understanding, advice and yes validation.**
Does that mean that gheebat is excusable, nope not at all. But in some instances it's not about talking about someone else, rather it's talking out a situation for perspective and insight.
The thing is - maligning someone when you talk about them versus just describing a situation are different acts. But if someone doesn't like the way another is presented in the telling of a tale, it comes across as 'dissing' them. Kabhi Kabhi haqeeqat bohut talkh hoti hai and we don't like how we or those we are close to, come across in another's telling of a situation.
Very weak response(excuse?) sehrysh. Expected more. But lately the sense that was quite prolific amongst some people has vanished.
Consider the portion in bold from your first paragraph.
Why do you feel the need to defend this?
Does it really matter what they consider it? Does their view of what they're doing change what they are actually doing? If I were to whine at length about how someone is treating and then say "oh but i dont mean to whine", does it mean I'm not whining?
If your answer is yes, you may disregard the rest of my post as you and I have nothing further to discuss, as you clearly have an innate need to not even try to understand the perspective of another, which in fact also renders your own argument void.
You claim that gheebat is not excusable yet you go on to make an excuse for it. And can we please not pretend its anything more than it really is? Please? Let's get rid of this false sense of righteousness you ladies seem to metabolise and use as a source of energy that fuels your crazy.
Women will present a problem, analyse the problem and should (heaven forbid) the Life1 tribunal (consisting mainly of bored aunties and feminist crazies with debilitating personalities which makes it impossible for them to have any success in any personal relationship) conclude that it was the man in the situation was at fault, well then all men will be brought to the question.
Ladies if youre having issues with your man please dont insult other men. This group contains your father, me, my father and about half of the population of the world. All the crap you're going to fling please fling it on your own man.
us
Finally you claim that the cause for these "disses" is when people don't like how the other presented in the telling of a tale. First of all, this diss isn't the issue. The issue is when you take the op's story as fact and proceed to diss someone in the story. What you ladies seldom remember is that all you see is one point of view. Based on that, so much has been insulted. Secondly what you ladies fail to realise fail to do is empathise with all players in the story. Also you guys seem to loath your own culture and religion and blame it at times for the disparity between men and women. This is also very frustrating.
If you need prime examples just look below.
Bella has a good point. You guys wouldn't tolerate it for a day if you went thru the usual desi susral experience that women go through.
make husbands live with their wife's families in joint family system. make husbands cook, clean, take care of their MIL, FIL. let their FIL,MIl talk down to them, tell them what to wear, what to cook, what to eat, how to live their lives, and constantly tell them how unfit they are for their daughter and how their daughter could have gotten a way better husband. and also, limit how often the son in law can go visit their parents because visiting too often means neglecting their actual responsibility which is their susral/ wife's parents home . then lets see who vents and complains.
Ladies!
Since you two ladies seem to focus on stereotypes, allow me to do the same.
If men do that can the women take over the man's role in such a situation? Work hard all day to make money only to come home and listen to wife whine and moan about the man's family that he spent all his life with. Come home and hear your wife tell you that your mother is an awful woman and to completely stop supporting your family. Lets move out. Lets leave the family that raised and loved you to fend for itself because your parents want to steal my baby away from me.
Before you judge others maybe you ladies should shut your mouths and imagine what it would be like living with YOU.
Answer: worse than 9/11
What perplexes me most is the staggering levels of hypocrisy that we find on here.
You ladies love engaging in stereotyping and gender profiling.
Why do you engage in this? Do you not understand this is no different from the discrimination that countless have to face around the world for actions they had absolutely no connection with? Example, 9/11. Through some cowardly acts of some "muslims", other followers of Islam around the world were discriminated against, even to this day.
You women are no different from the people that do this.
Don't pretend you are. You aren't. Just as bad.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Dumb ladies? Vile? Can you communicate your point without insults?
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
PCG i've treated everyone on here with respect till they've given me reasons not to.
I treat people the way they treat people.
If you want to be treated well, show the same to others.
App log pyaar ki zabaan walay log nahi ho.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
I treat people the way they treat people.
If you want to be treated well, show the same to others.
No no, you just grab someone's pictures when you seem to not be able to win and argument, and post it all over gupshup in hormonal retaliation.
That's the kind of human being you are. Vile. Dumb. Move on, you piece of human kachra.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
bahhahahahah
you brought that upon yourself. do you see how much crap you talk in your own blogs about people? You’ve attacked villagers, SAHM, paki men, paki women, molvis, people who are conservative, people who are liberal, muslims, nonmuslims…have i missed anyone?
for you pcg, i’d do it again and again 
if you want to see, try pulling more ridiculous crap on here and see what happens. Lets just say I showed you one of the nicer ones 
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
I've posted opinions, like everyone does. You need to accept that people don't think like you do. Believe it or not, the thoughts in your head are simply miniscule and often incorrect.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
No pcg those arent opinions. Opinion would be to talk about individuals. You talk about groups of people.
Those are unjustified reactions that you feel you can make because of your experiences.
You can throw crap on whoever you like pcg, its a free world.
Just dont be surprised if you see retaliation. If it surprises you than you live in delusion.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Ladies! Since you two dumb ladies seem to focus on stereotypes, allow me to do the same. If men do that can the women take over the man's role in such a situation? Work hard all day to make money only to come home and listen to wife whine and moan about the man's family that he spent all his life with. Come home and hear your wife tell you that your mother is an awful woman and to completely stop supporting your family. Lets move out. Lets leave the family that raised and loved you to fend for itself because your parents want to steal my baby away from me.
how many women work, contribute towards paying their bills, yet still have to put up with susraals criticism? so many times women work just as hard as their male counterpart, yet its usually the wife who has to put up with criticizing inlaws and she must show 'sabr' and patience and deal with his family.
And if the girl has to move out and leave her parents, why is that not considered abandonment? why is she expected to leave the family that raised her? such hypocrisy and double standards here.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Most men I have known including uncles and married family guys don't want to discuss their in laws or their wives. They might grunt about it but not dissect a situation. Women like to hash out a situation and when you talk about something, it is always YOUR side of the story and yes there might be elements of gheebat, backbiting, whining and frustration. However, anytime we discuss or analyze a situation, it is usually a subjective point of view. Men or at least men that I know who are mostly southasian, perceive their issues with in laws and wife a izzat and ghairat ka issue and they are almost reluctant to fling their izzat around.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
how many women work, contribute towards paying their bills, yet still have to put up with susraals criticism? so many times women work just as hard as their male counterpart, yet its usually the wife who has to put up with criticizing inlaws and she must show 'sabr' and patience and deal with his family. And if the girl has to move out and leave her parents, why is that not considered abandonment? why is she expected to leave the family that raised her? such hypocrisy and double standards here.
EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON HERE reckons here that the money they make is only for them. Hubby etc shouldnt see a single penny of that. there is no concept of contribution.
your argument is invalid.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
At the risk of once again being dissed as "knight in armor" got to agree with PCG. Dumb and vile and other insults uncalled for.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
Or Moodie, they just don't have much to complain about. The life of a desi guy is pretty fly. Fly guy. Hah. The irony.
Re: Venting/Dissing of spouse and inlaws
At the risk of once again being dissed as "knight in armor" got to agree with PCG. Dumb and vile and other insults uncalled for.
took them out.
now that you've performed your knightly duties, do you have any more input?
Or is that all there is?