Valima Jewelry issue

Lifestyle Relationships
1

ok so here is the issue. I got a kara and bangle set plus a valima necklace from my in laws on valima. The issue is that all of the jewelery is old fashioned looking and very plain. I am a bit upset because I feel that they didn’t care much and just didn’t want to spend to much money on the jewelery so my sister in law picked these. What i am interested in now is taking it to the jeweler and getting something else made with those? i have discussed with my husband and he is okay with it however will this become a big issue in my in laws family if I chose to do this?

2

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

It could possibly turn into a bigger issue. Despite it not being to your taste, the valima jewellery is a present for the groom's side of the family and they may feel offended that you chose to change it.

I would talk to the MIL/SIL first and just run the idea passed them, minus the i don't like the set you got me part.

3

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

its called being passive-aggressive (I think).

its your wedding, ull be living with the pictures rest of your life. They're in laws, they will find something else to complain about afterwards any way.

4

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

i personally dont think it should be an issue really ... it would be one if it was your moun-dikhai gift that you wanted to change!!!
but this is where MILs become creepy ... and want to know EVERYTHING that you do ..
still ... this is the charm of gold that you can always exchange it for other things ... you've already discussed it with your husband .. he's ok with it ... so just in a by the way kind of manner you could talk to your mother in law that you were talking to your husband about this set that you liked, and we thought it'd be a good idea to exchange one of my sets instead of buying a new one altogether ...
talking neither in a permission-taking kind of tone, neither in a dull way ... just enthusiastic enough to show that you wanted to let her know before going ahead with it ... like an evening/tea conversation or something

p.s. i'm sorry ... am i missing something here ... are you already rukhsati-ofied, or that yet to come??

5

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

wow....I didn't realize that jewellery made such a difference in people's lives.
I would wear it and honor their decision.

There will be plenty of opportunities to make new items of your taste later in life.

Why get branded?

6

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

coolgirl, does the jewelery match the dress? if it doesn't, tell them you love the jewelery set, but you just want it to match and you're adding a few colored stones to it. then take it to the jewelers and transform it.

7

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

Wow. I guess women are ] about their wedding day. What if the jewellry hold sentimental value in the family? What if it is part of a tradition and they are honoring you with it so you are included in the family.

Talk about being selfish. So what if its not to your taste? I must say I would hate to give you anything because you may just return it to Macys.

8

CM- my husband even agreed with me that he didn't like the jewelery set and was okay with me getting something I would wear. It's my valima jewelery and unfortunately it very old fashioned looking and doesn't even look like gold. I think you have got my issue the wrong way. I am not trying to insult them by returning but using it so that I can wear it since now it just sits in my locker. I think before criticizing one you should understand the real issue, but thanks!

farrah- I like your suggestion I was thinking that they are coming for my daughter's birthday party so I might just bring it up lightly so that she is aware of it as I don't want to hide anything and have her find out from someone else :) Thank you!

9

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

they gave it you, it's all yours now....do whatever you like with it...don't give a damn about others.

10

I'm with CM on this one.

11

Husbands in this generation don't always have a good feel for the subtle nuances that impact a DIL's relationship with her MIL and SIL.

In fact, guys are usually quite oblivious to the consequences since the majority of them don't place much importance on things like "sentimental value". And note that I said majority, not all.

Your intention to bring the subject up with your in-laws is a great one. Do it with great care, if you must.

12

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

I come from a pretty liberal family and have been through this situation with my SIL.
Her valima jewellery was ugly.....and I mean really ugly!!! We had no choice in the matter.....we had to pick from what was available in the city at the time. Circumstances ruled our decisions and we got what we could.

Later on she decided that she was going to get that set melted down and something else made from it. She asked permission and brother said do what you want, it's yours'. She asked Ammi and reluctantly she agreed too. But I say reluctantly because ammi's position was that once something is made you don't melt it down. You leave it. Especially if you are in a position to afford other items....which we were and had done.

Long story short......new set was made, worn once and then stolen during a robbery.......gone forever!

SIL received insurance money with which she replaced the one she had made.
Several years later her house was robbed.....again and the jewellery taken.

To this day she has not been able to accumulate anything in terms of jewellery.
Sad......and probably just a coincidence........but I bet ammi has rolled over a few times in her grave.....

13

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

^ muzna i dont think coincidences should be mixed up with being practical ... your SIL had badluck with her lot ... dont mean everyone else gonna get the same ...
and you guys agree that the valima jewelry was ugly, but you had no choice ... so why in the world should you even be a tiny bit reluctant if the girl wants to change it ... afterall ... it's for wearing right ...
and as for honoring someone's decision or whatever ... coolgirl even has a daughter!!! by this stage you pretty much make your own choices ... so it's been a whiiiiiiiiile that she had this set ... not like shez exchanging it the next day ...
my mom does it all the time ...

14

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

Wow yaar.. that's a scary story.. my mother always told me that do not treat your inlaws like they aren't your family otherwise you won't get respect in society.. and I am very much of a believer in that.. but I feel that I pay zakat for something that will remain in locker never to be worn.. it's true i can get other jewelery later in life or I can get one nice set of bangles that will always remind me that this is from my husband's family to me..
Unfortunately the issue was that my SIL misunderstood what I had told her since I wanted a matching set with valima clothes, but because shaadi kay ghar mai soo much tension hoti hai I think she minsunderstood completely and got this one. Noone liked my valima jewelery at all which made me very sad as it's your day to shine and look nice. and i wasn't able to carry myself well. Everyone who sees that says the same thing that "is it fake" to which my husband said the same thing.. considering having something else :(

15

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

I dont understand what the big deal is. I am getting ready to exchange a set that my parents gave me. No one is unhappy about it, rather my mom thinks its a good idea so i can actually wear the new design. If i were you, i would gently talk to the inlaws and say, i am thinking of getting a new design made. If you do it tactfully and nicely, i am sure htey wont mind. Just dont say its ugly or anything, your SIL could get offended if you say exactly that.

I really dont see why everyone is making such a big deal out of it, especially since the original poster has been married for sometime.

16

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

Couldn't you get your hubby to approch his sis and tell her that **he **doesnt like the set and bangels...and **he **thinks that his future wife should get something else...that is more "in" these days? That wouldn't look as bad on you...and the guy can take the heat...its his sis anyway...he doesn't need to make a good impression on them...that's your job. best of luck

17

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

my valima jewerly wasnt so nice either, too simple but i wore it along with my own set .. now i want to get something else but my husband doesnt let me, he says u can buy more but why exchange something that my mom made for u, would u exchange ur set, he knows i would not, so i am just keeping them. :-/ i understand ur dilemma.

18

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

sorry to hear that SaadiaB. Masallah my husband is very nice and understanding with me. I don't like to take advantage of his niceness though. My issue was not so much with my SIL as much my MIL. she won't say anything but she starts ignoring me which makes me feel like I have done something wrong.. so my original thought was to go ahead and tell her once the set is redesigned.. but now after the forum chat I think i will actually tell her in nice manner so she is aware and doesn't bring it up in future.

19

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

Change it. Express your views to them. If they dont accept it, Wear it along with something else. Or dont wear it at all. If hubbys ok with it, Then probly inlaws would be ok with it too. If they say anything say i discussed it with my hubby and he said its ok.

20

Re: Valima Jewelry issue

It's your item.. you have all the right to do whatever you want to do with it.. if they are good in-laws they'd be happy with your happiness.. i'm sure they have done the same with their gold jewelry but not telling you.. eheh