Users

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I’m sure all of you have experienced this at some point in your life.

What can a person do to protect themselves by being suckered in by a user who poses as a friend? More importantly, why are people like this? When they need a shoulder to cry on, you are all they have … but when you need some moral support, encouragement … or a mere friend to talk to, this “friend” who you were there for couldn’t care less or even be bothered enough to ask how you are?

It’s baffling how selfish people can be … how they are so wrapped up in their own lives to even consider that someone else may also need a hand. Not that I expect anybody to actually sit and hold my hand … just merely asking how I am would be genuine enough.

My biggest problem is believing everything people tell me, so when they put on the act of being a “friend”, I buy into it. When they are upset or need a friend to talk to, I will not hesitate putting whatever I’m doing aside to be there for them. To me it would just be common courtesy and a sincere act of caring to do this. It’s sad to see how many few people are actually willing to do this in return. :frowning:

2

mehnaz u sound so cute :) btw is this user a guppy?

3

Thanks Sheraz … :).

This is just a general statement … I am frustrated at being used and abused by people. It’s my own fault, I realise that. My parents tell me off for this habit of mine cause they know that I’m easily taken in. sigh

What can a person do? Put up barriers and not allow anyone close to me?

Actually, I find that I place far too much faith in people. I always assume that if I am there for someone, then it’s only natural that they will be there for me. Unfortunately, I’m always wrong. :mad: Just cause I’m a certain way … doesn’t mean that other people are the same.

In fact, it feels like a slap in the face when this happens. :frowning:

4

yes...this world is full of selfish ppl...i dont get close to anyone...i have very few good close friends and plus i have my family...i dont have time for the users

5

very true and some ppl are soooo busy that they can't even take out a few secs to reply to a PM :~)

6

and it would be really dumb to be still talking to such "users"..once u find out how they are then forget em

7

Well, I’ve limited my interaction with others. I mean, it’s one thing to be social but it’s another to actually become true friends with someone to the point where you confide in them. I do have people around me who are true friends, including my parents.

I guess the trouble for me begins when someone tries to befriend me … I never write people off … always give them a chance … they want to talk, etc. confide in me … I’m there for them regardless of what I’m doing and they conveniently disappear when they are done. :mad: People are selfish users. I’m a bad judge of other peoples’ character … even when I receive warnings from other people about the certain individual, I choose to see what I want … which is the good and ignore the bad.

How are some people excellent judge’s of peoples’ characters? I mean, they can tell right off the bat that the person is a user. I can’t do that. It’s like I have blinders on and I focus on what’s good and instead of seeing what is bad. Is there anything that can be done about that?

and your last point is true … I just distance myself from the person.

8

I had a very similar conversation with someone about this just two days ago. Would add more, but I gotta run.

9

ok i will add some more since munni can’t at the moment..

well i was naive too when i was young..yeh long time ago..but anyways u learn from ur mistakes and if you don’t then u will still be getting used by this world

p.s. you can count on me my friend :flower1:

10

Well, I’m 24 now and this has happened a few times to me already. I guess what you say is true … experience makes you cautious … but the last two times it has happened, it has stung cause I thought I was being cautious. :rolleyes:

I know this is a very sexist thing to say but I find that this kind of behaviour is more prevalent in women than in men; meaning that I see a higher ratio of women being users rather than men. I don’t know why … I have no facts or anything to prove that … it’s just my personal opinion.

11

yup it is more prevalent more in women…just why I thank god for making me a man…
but tht still doesn’t mean tht I haven’t been used financially and emotionally.
It’s only the nice ones tht get used and I have to admit I am a pretty gentle person and all people do is take advantage of me!..pisses me off!..:mad:

12

Most people go through this phase at some part of their life. Then they grow up, start reading people more correctly and generally can spot a fake from a mile. Its called experience. :)

As long as you are learning how to spot them, then its a good experience, which you can use. Don't worry about it.

13

Poor Mehnaz, welcome in the Real World! :frowning:

Unfortunately, in real life, most people are users. Your story sounds so familiar. Don’t worry, sis, cheer up, I’m even older than you, (I’m 26, my Mom calls me ‘budhi bakri’ :clown: sometimes, lol), and I’m still learning! I’m only just finding out the true spirit of humans. You are never too old to learn.

I used to ahve a big circle of friends, I thought they were all friends, but later I had problems, and in the end many dropped me. Sad part is, I was always there for everyone, often at my own expense, like you come home tired, with your kids, just done groceries and now you have to put away everything in the cupboards and want to relax, then the phone rings, or there is someone at the door…saad, please could you…
bla bla. And I never refused anyone. Now I have a close circle of friends, not letting any ‘new member’ in, but I’m even cautious with the ones I have and of course my own family.

You should just never depend on any human being. You should try to be emotionally independant. Then you can be strong and never get hurt. You can socialise, have friends, but you have to be able to live without them too. Then you are totally independant and nobody can harm you in any way.
The only friend one can have in fact, that never abandons or that you know is not a user, is in fact God. Make friends with Him.

If someone wants to befreind you, don’t listen immediately to that person. I mean, keep a distance, be kind and polite, but you have to know that person better to be able to judge the character. I was like you first, now I’m learning to ‘see’ peoples characters much better.
You don’t owe other people anything, if someone wants to befriend you, fine, but not at your expense.

Always remember, if you don’t look after yourself, nobody will. YOu just have a clean heart, and you can’t imagine other people being so selfish.

14

mehnaz :hug: :flower1:

15

oh mehnaz :( u sound like what im going thru at the moment.. sick of the world.. sick of so called friends who only contact u when they are upset or when they have bought a new mazda 626, 2003 model and want to tell u... after 9 months of no contact... like huh? whats with that..

im exhausted.. mentally and emotionally... the funny thing is most of the times these so called friends are males.. gals are a bit different.. they just wanna gossip so they wanna know whats bothering u or whats happening in ur life.. and most of the time i dont wanna share my probs with them neways..

but yeah i know exactly what u mean... ive had soo many dumb male friends who only hang around until what they wanted has been achieved or there is no chance.... its disgusting..

16

Re: Users

believe me ...true friendship does't exist anymore...everything is conditional now a days....the only true relationship is between parents & kids....all other selfmade relations are like bubbles....

17

Re: Re: Users

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by tanha-tanha: *
believe me ...true friendship does't exist anymore...everything is conditional now a days....the only true relationship is between parents & kids....all other selfmade relations are like bubbles....
[/QUOTE]

I think true friendship does exist but is very rare to find. I do agree with your points though.

18

Re: Re: Re: Users

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *

I think true friendship does exist but is very rare to find. I do agree with your points though.
[/QUOTE]

let me know when u found one

19

I found a few actually. :) Just have to skim through the users.

20

i think IM THE BEST had a similar topic in cafe :)

i think there are more good people in this world than bad.. just like there are more true friendships than users...

its the way u view things that makes the difference