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please dont break up over the phone. please dont ask her to convert over the phone. its so ....not cool.
meet her face to face. look into a persons eyes to see how they really feel abt u.
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i think as of now, we are going to try to end it gradually by the end of the semester, stopping all physical things, and also cutting down on talking on the phone and etc. i'm having a very tough time with this right now.
Stop fooling yourself and stop it now. Why wait till the end of the semester? You'll just earn 6 more months of "sin points". Right, religious folks? Don't force someone to convert for the wrong reasons. Even if you think you want to, you are not going to marry her. When push comes to shove, mother will always win.
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This is a little bit off topic.....but how come when people think about converting they worry about what their parents and community will think first?
Shouldn't the most important thing be their relationship with God? Shouldn't that be first and foremost in their minds???
Obviously this person is not ready to convert. She would only be doing it for the marriage. That in itself is a reason to reconsider.
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well you have to look a bit deeper here, I think. IF she is open to learning the religion and in addition is willing to raise her children as Muslim then that should be enough I would think. Its a big step to change or accept a new religion, a very big step - so the hesitation is admirable I think, and shows a desire to avoid hypocracy. Changing religions and understanding the Koran is a major undertaking, one which I have not yet been able to complete. And although I will raise my boys to be good Muslims, I have not completed my conversion yet because I want a full understanding and beleif before I complete it and its a very difficult task that requires time and study. I dont see what's wrong with that....
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Muzna i agree with you, actually when we had discussions about religion it wasn't becuz i wanted to marry her, actually we weren't even considering it, but i felt it was necessary for her to know, what i so strongly believe in. she is my only close friend that i have had this type of detailed conversation with about the two religions. i dont like arguing with ppl about religious differences.
but i do think that she feels she does not have much to gain from converting just becuz thats what she kinda agrees with. i guess if i marry her then it becomes alot more bearable
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its only 3 months aisha, but i do agree with you, i’m just trying to look at all the postive things and trying to find the courage to do the right thng.
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Just to put another thing on your plate. Is it right for someone to convert to islam just cause they want to marry a muslim? not because Islam showed some sort of a light in their heart and soul?
-sorry but from religious and philisophical point of view its important.
Solarocean mashallah i am glad things worked out but please discuss the tough times you faced. I am just curious to know…
I will be honest all those marriages that i have seen outside of one’s own circle has been a disaster.
My mom’s 2nd cousinmarried a Jew. Lives a miserable life, kids off to college, he works like a dog wife spends money like she is a britney spears she thinks she is hot like her- dont know from where]0. His kids look like totally desi not a single word of urdu can come out their mouth. He lives a horrible life goes home cleans and cooks. I blame him for his life today but thats a different story.
Another incident a close friend of mine her sister married a hindu guy. He did convert and they happend to be syed. Its been 6 years now and she has a young boy who is 5. Her family still hasnt accepted her.
Mustwanted i am not trying to discourage you even though my 2 incidents totally dictate that. Its a very tough ride but if you really and turly feel this is it. That person compelete you. Can bring the most sweetest smile ever. Then go for it.
But before you do think everythign through. Usually familes are mixing with each other during shadi. Over here we are talking about mixing of culture, religion and much much more.
If you do decide to go forward dont’ let her go. I can’t even begin to tell you how many dreams get scattered. Plus us girls dream a lot for some stupid reason.
[sorry I gave tons of negative and little positive response]
But seriously if you feel this is it then congratulations my friend not many people find the pure and true love even if they do they cant live with them.
Allah tala makes couples well i have read it any where that couples can only be muslims only.
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Now who would that be? 
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You’re right Nia, there were a lot of tough times but these were because of my parents, not my husband. When we talked about converting, it was very easy for him because he kinda didn’t know where he stood religiously at all. He was raised Christian but had never bought into the whole Jesus(pbuh) is the son of God concept. All that was left was him reading the Quran and I have to stay, Most Wanted, I would advise you to give her the Quran and let God speak to her. You just might be surprised.
As for the family aspect of it, they recognized that he was Muslim so there was no “real” reason to stop me from marrying him but the cultural aspect was huge plus they thought I was out of my mind and this was just a phase and I’d get over him. My mom actually told him that the first time she met him. Needless to say, it didn’t go over well with him and he didn’t like her very much.
For those of you who don’t know, i had an arranged marriage when i was sixteen, the idiot came here when i was eighteen. . . and was gone within three months or something like that. He had someone back home and he wanted to marry her so his motivation to marry me was solely to get his greencard. This was a cousin marriage, in the family, and it ended horribly. I’m not going to get into the details but it was THAT BAD and frankly, after that experience, there was no way that I was going to go for an arranged marriage.
Because of that previous experience, I think it made it easier (in the long run) for my parents to deal that I was not going to get married to a Paki guy. Even now, my mom says that that exp. ruined her daughter’s way of thinking.
When I told them that I would marry him no matter what, they raised hell and said that they were going to disown me. My Mom threatned to leave the house, etc. It is extremely hard to stand your ground when your Mom is crying and saying that you have ruined her life. I didn’t see how I ruined her life and I felt horrible about not changing my mind and I can’t say that the thought of leaving Matt didn’t enter my mind. It did but then I would look at him and I saw him as the completely innocent party who was totally in love with me and if I changed my mind, he’d be the one who would be hurting inside out for no reason. My parents, while I didn’t want them to hurt, I feel that I was still holding onto resentment from my previous marriage and I blamed it all on them. So while I felt horrible about taking a stand at the same time, I didn’t feel I was doing something that bad. I was just marrying the guy I wanted. They had their chance to marry me to who they wanted and it didn’t work. Now, it was my turn. Still, it’s hard seeing your mom cry. Ultimately, they saw I was dead serious and they thought about it again and decided to go ahead and marry me to him. It also helped that my brother was on my side and although he did not say that to them, he did help to calm them and make them realize that it wouldn’t be that bad and he also helped to calm me. He was my strength when I was falling apart when my Mom started crying.
The wedding was done with a lot internal tensions as they were not happy at all. Plus, I know it wasn’t like the wedding that would have happened had I married a guy of their choice so I feel I kinda missed out on that. But it was worth it. I do wish sometimes that I could go back and do it again cause I’d prolly do it a lot differently than I did. Maybe, I would have tried to talk to them more . . . have more patience, etc.
Anyways, after we got married, my Mom was more okay with it than my Dad. His principle reason for not being okay with it was that he wanted to pick the guy and that had been taken away from him. He didn’t talk to me for one year after we got married and yes, that was not easy. My relationship with him was always strained but the guilt eats you up. Did I at that time think I had made a mistake? No because i was/am completely, totally in love with my husband. But, I did feel horrible about my Dad and after many crying nights, I ended up apologizing to him. All it took really was one Sorry Dad literally and he was okay with me. It seemed that he too wanted to bridge the gap but his ego was in the way. With Matt, it was different. He didn’t like Matt at all. He was very suspicious of him but I think My Mom had a huge influence on him and she keeps reminding him that he’s a good kid. Plus, there’s nothing about him that my dad can object to so that always helps because they see the way he treats me and they see how happy I am, thank God. They’ve also seen how open he is to our culture in the sense that no matter how funny he sounds, he tries to speak urdu sometimes even though most of the time we don’t know what the hell he’s saying:cb: . Plus, he’s very humble and that scored big points with my parents when they finally saw him for who he is.
Even now, I know that my parents see some old friends’ kid and they’ll wish that I had not married Matt. I have many a small arguments with my mom because she has gone “Oh so and so kid’s doing this and that and this and that” and it’s like she’s comparing him to Matt. So will she ever completely get over it, No. But, she sees me more as my own person now and that’s something that they never really saw me as before. Overall I think it has much improved my relationship with them in the sense that it is more balanced now whereas before it was very one sided.
As for Matt’s parents, they weren’t really a problem. His Mom is schizophrenic and his Dad is kinda just okay with everything and is very laid back.
As for us adjusting to two different cultures personally, that wasn’t really a problem. It’s not hard if both people are open to each other. Had we let my family interfere in the first year, it would have been a lot harder. Now, they can interfere but they love him. My Dad even said the other day that he was amazed at how well he treats me. . . of course he followed that with, if he ever does anything bad you tell me, i’ll beat him up but that’s just his Daddy side speaking. And yes, Matt heard that and he said, Pssht, you do anything bad to her and I’ll beat you up. . . and so the joking continues. There’s still a bit of tension when we sleep over at my parents. Dad’s not entirely comfortable with it but he wouldn’t be no matter who the guy was.
Ultimately, I thank God that it all worked out.
And there you go. And please don’t quote me guys cause I don’t want to leave this up here for too long. It’s far too personal. . . 
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Blitz, you want to be my second husband don’t you?
It’s okay you can admit it.
Maybe i’ll have better luck finding you a rishta than i did Imran. . . 
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Tauba tauba apne jaisa teez tarar ke pallu nah charrah dena!!! 
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Solar Ocean !
That was an ocean. All i am going to say hugs.
*and napkin to wipe those tears - while you were typing.
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:salam:
**Chapter 1: The saying of Allah the Exalted, “and we have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents”
**
Please Follow the link and read more regarding Status of Parents in Islam:
http://www.allaahuakbar.net/ahaadeeth/bukhari/regarding_good_conduct_towards_ones_parent.htm
Now Before i say that you should go and get married. Please Read the response given by SolarOceans on previous page.
Reading from your posts you seem confused and unsure of what to do. Also i have noticed that you have stated that “and I love the girl, she is an amazing person” indicating that you are thinking with your heart rather than logically.
First: I would like to suggest to you that you think over it logically (and i mean do not bring your emotions in to it… although it is hard).
**Second: **Give Her the Quran to read
**Third: **Have a peaceful talk with your parents (it is crucial that YOU respect them, otherwise they will have an excuse and later you will regret it).
**Fourth: **Ask Her to talk to her parents
**
Results:
1- **If you believe (not think) what you are doing is correct
**2- **If She takes the Quran and ACTUALLY READS IT (one way of knowing she whether read it is to get into conversation related to Women, and see if she quotes anything related to Quran)
**3 and 4
**it is likely, that your and her parents will reject the idea of marriage between Muslim-Christian. But that should not upset you or her.
Finally, Take her to Mosque and revert her to Islam. The priest will ask her various question, and YOU should Pay close attention to her answers. Here you will learn her inmost thoughts regarding why she wants to marry (for example: is she reverting just for you?, or Islam or both).
If she is reverting just for you, and not interested in Islam then i have to say that you should not marry such woman (same applies to woman marrying man).
Otherwise, congratulations!, you have found a person who is not only in love with you but also is a Muslima.
May Allah have mercy and forgive us all.
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Awwe. Thank you Nia, 
It wasn’t that bad. Well, it was but now it’s all good and i’m so happy and i can’t thank God enough.
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ItsMe, I think that emotion is a big part of all of this. If he is truly in love with her and she is truly in love with him, they will find a way to make it work and whatever hardships that they go through, they will go through together. If either of them is slightly unsure, then it may fall apart before it can even have a chance to be nurtured.
And parents, I think they do have the best interests of their children at heart but sometimes other things (family politics, their own desires) come into play. I do think that if he was to go through this, after some time, maybe a little, maybe a lot, his parents will come around after they see their child happy. His mom sounds like my mom . . . and she came around which is still amazing 
As for going to the mosque to convert, um just factual information, you can convert at home but i’m sure all you guys know that. I just say that because she may be a bit intimidated having to answer questions about a religion she has just began learning about. Unless, they’re just asking her if she believes in Allah(swt) and the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) and all the other prophets. If they ask her detailed questions, she may not be able to answer cause after all, she is still learning. If she can understand the basic beliefs, the gist of it, the rest of it will come naturally and yes, GIVE HER THE QURAN. It speaks for itself.
Bottom line: I think that if he does marry her, he better be sure that she loves him and he loves her cause they will go through an adjustment period with everyone. And face it, marriage is an adjustment no matter who you’re marrying.
And if you do decide this is the best course of action for you, then I hope Allah (swt) makes the road easy for you Ameen.
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Blitz, I think you need a girl just like me to whip you into shape.
I’m going to start looking pretty soon 
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Hey Solar, i have been talking to her, but it'll be a lot better when i see her in person. But i have felt alil doubt in her from what her community might say and what her parents will do. it has led me to reconsider somethings. i am very close to my mother, so it was a big step for me to consider marrying her and all this time i assumed i would have an easier time with her parents becuz they are in U.S. and she knows other ppl in her family who have somewhat married outside. i feel like she is not sure if she is willing to risk it all for me. i was willing to give it a try. but i'm doing alot of thinking and trying to do the best not to hurt her or my family.
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Tauba tauba hai tauba farangi se shaadi karne waali! :yukh: :yukh:
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mostwanted - I strongly believe if someone you truly love didnt stand with you before marriage they probably won’t be there even after marriage.
Marriage is very complicated there is alot that one goes through, emotional issues, financial, family and God knows what not. I am sure you read Solar’s reply very well. Just as being another women i could see so much pain and happiness at the same time in her words. In her case both sides agreed.
Think very well…
i know it hurts when someone you love so much and you cant be with them. It rips you apart every second… dont worry its a phase after that its all grey…