A woman I know is pregnant. Her husband clearly does not want another child. He told her to “take care” of it.
I don’t know the whole story but I think they have financial problems, maybe immigration issues and he feels like he’s too old to have another child.
She is devastated. What if she decides to keep the child. Do you think it would mean bad things for their relationship? Would he resent her or the child after expressing clearly that he doesn’t want one?
Re: unwanted pregnancy
Children bring their own rizq into the world.
I dont know...if it was me I would keep the child no matter what anyone said. Thats just me though. I guess she has to decide how serious he is about not wanting the baby. Does she want to take the risk of having the baby and possibly ruining her relationship or strengthening it?
Re: unwanted pregnancy
PS^2 - that's how I feel but we women are emotional creatures. That one day love will conquer all.
I would love to hear a men's perspective. Would they really resent taking care of one financially?
Re: unwanted pregnancy
^ Agree.
Every child has it's own Rizq pre-destined. These parents should understand this.
I think the mother should stick to her guns and keep the child.
Re: unwanted pregnancy
I'm sorry to say, but if circumstances dictate that they are not in a place, financially, to support a child, then they should have used sufficient contraception in the first place....
Nothing, NOTHING would make me want to terminate a child, and Mr Maroush concurs.
Some may see it as selfish, that if someone is not financially stable, then they shouldn't be bringing a child into this warld, but Allah has made this happen for a reason, and i think she should follow through with it.
She needs to speak with her hubby.... there are two people in this marriage, it's not "i order you to do this, do it".... that's not unity, that's dictatorship.
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I can not believe there was even a debate involved!
If he isn’t scared by the religious consequences then he should be made aware of the possible health implications, it could go wrong and she could die, I know it’s the worst case scenario but he sounds like a really selfish husband!
I'm sorry to say, but if circumstances dictate that they are not in a place, financially, to support a child, then they should have used sufficient contraception in the first place.... .
Maybe they are so broke, they could not afford it
Re: unwanted pregnancy
Some forms of contraception (like condoms) are available for free from clinics/GPs/hospitals/Pharmacies. So that is no excuse.
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what if it broke? or malfucntioned?
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lol at ‘malfucntioned’.
Re: unwanted pregnancy
TBH, a married couple should not be relying on barrier control contraceptives like condoms... it's one of the most rudimentary issues to discuss when you are in a long term relationship/cohabitating/married... i.e family planning, birth control... if times are tough then they should've thought of more secure means of contraception, like hormonal or intrauterine methods....
Oh well, it doesn't really matter now... does it? Whether their contraception malfunctioned or not is not the issue anymore.
I don't think he will resent her or the child. In all honesty, there will never be the "right time" to have a child (i'm too busy at work/i don't want to leave work/ i like my independance/ we're not secure financially) but when it does happen, everything just fits into place, and InshAllah, it will for your friend.
BTW, how many children do they already have? And how old are the couple, if you don't mind me asking?
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Maroush - They already have 3 kids (2 boys and a girl). She must be 35ish and He's probaly 40ish.
The guy (from my observance) is not really a "kids" kinda person.
You know he looks at them like "responsibility" or "burden" or "someone he has to provide for. He is the only earning member and they are barely getting by.
I think he will really detest her if she goes through with it. Do you think he will have a change of heart?
I don't want him to get verbally abusive towards her - the new child OR act out in other ways.
Re: unwanted pregnancy
Maybe we're emotional creatures and maybe he is past the age where a newborn might touch his heart.
I do know that the idea of a baby being yours doesnt become real for a lot of men until they're holding their child in their arms. Im not sure if she is ready for that kind of a gamble.
She needs to keep the baby...she cannot even think of aborting. As far as birth control goes, if these people are in the US...lots of agencies provide free or low cost birth control. They should have thought about this after they had their 3rd child...lots of women have their tubes tied or even an IUD put in. Its too late to go back now...Allah swt has decided there will be a baby, she might as well focus on making sure her child is welcomed properly.
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I am WITH the guy!
I don't care how emotional the woman gets, but there has to be a limit! One must know their financial capabilities, and strengths on the "current" financial situation. If they are already having difficult time, then bringing in "religious" perspective of no abortions and getting carried away with emotions - ONLY HURTS YOU in the long run. Why not communicate with partner of all the possibilities, and then come to conclusion on how each person will deal with this, and then decide to abort.
Whatever it is, I think just by reading whatever little stuff you have njgal, I would support the guy and not the woman.
just my rant and 2 cents
sorry lol
Re: unwanted pregnancy
She should wait till he is calm and relaxed and then discuss it with him. If he loves her, he should not force her to have an abortion. What a horrible thing for him to ask of her. Instead of telling her to "take care of it" now after he has gotten her pregnant, why didnt he get himself taken care of in the first place to make sure he couldnt get her pregnant if he didnt want more kids!!! As everyone said, rizq is only from Allah and Allah alone provides
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The financial consequences of having a baby should have been thought of BEFORE conception.
He cant put the blame on her after getting her pregnant by saying he cant afford the kid so now she has to get an abortion. Thats irresponsible and also very high-school. Aside from the ages, what is different here??? Nothing.
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^agree with you on thinking on financial issues BEFORE conception
but these guys are simply horrible to first of all even get the woman in that situation!
they think they have control - hahahahahahah - losers
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It is not such a big deal. Another baby, another blessing - man needs to suck it up. Wife will be the one giving birth being 35+ - guess no one cares about that. All he is doing is being a royal pain with his negative attitude.
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Well, forget about contraceptives but there are other ways to prevent pregnancy...it's not like it was his first time that he's being so naiive about it.
Also, what does he mean by "take care of it?" Why should she take care of it. Why didn't he take care of "it" when his hormones were letting him? It's both their child and they both need to participate in coming up with a sensible decision.
What are her reasons for keeping the pregnancy? Emotinal, religious??