You go to someones house, you know the guy and his family very well, so you konw that for sure the wife and daughters do parda from the ghair-men. (whatever ure feelings about this…leave it for another thread cz thats not the point).
So WHY do you stay in the house, in the main room, for hours and hours and hours, knowing damn well that wife and daughter are not free to move around their own home?
And what the heck is wrong with u, oh-Uncle-of-the-house, that u cant tell the guy to go away after an hour, or go out and meet him, or meet him in a remote corner of the house where the wife/daughter can roam around freely in the main part of the house?
Ok first of all, I don't necessarily agree with this hiding of women-business, but there are some aunties who do do purdah and if that's what they want to do then I respect that.....but not that it matters to me cz I'm not the one invading their space.
Also, it doesn't, and shouldn't, matter if its a remote village of Afghanistan or a city in the west..... if u know there are certain values a family follows then shouldn't you, as a guest, respect them? Or this thought just doens't cross peoples' minds?
perhaps there should be a separate room the uncles/father can go into so that the women are able to move around the house freely... I just moved to texas recently, and I've noticed that the men are upstairs or in a separate room, while the women roam around downstairs or vice versa.
its only a few hours, but if it happens all the time, it should be addressed by the father in the house who is inviting these uncles over. Perhaps they can come once a week or at a certain time during the day so the women are not inconvenienced.
I have no idea what you're talking about. What uncle? Can husbands of women who do pardah not have guests over? :S
In some families, when male guests are over, its not favorable for (older) daughters and wives to mingle with them in the same area, so they go to their rooms or other parts of the house.
Sure the husbands of women who do purdah can have guests over, but the guest, especially when he knows if the family has that value, should be considerate when he knows hte wife is uncomfortable being around na-mehram men and not stay too long; its the husbands responsibility to make other arrangements to meet his friend where it wouldn't make his wife uncomfortable in her own home.
Exactly. I don’t think men would feel it and think its a minor thing, but really…its a major pain in the neck, to not have the freedom to go around your home.
the father of the house would likely not consider it a serious problem to be addressed because it may not happen very often, or they just dont care.
Yes it does. :k:
Either we can get rid of the practice of doing purdah, which i think is unlikely considering its based in religion, OR make it so that guests who come over should just know whats considered rude and inconsiderate?
I have a pretty good memory and I honestly cannot remember any lengthy discussion or post on this topic…which makes me think its not a serious issue at all, or its just not very widely practiced nowadays, and I’m making a big fuss outta nothing?
But the idea of hospitality AND being a good guest also has it's place in Islam. As Muslims, we are to show kindness and generosity to our guests. But guests are also to show consideration.
“Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour; whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest as he is entitled.” It was said, ‘What is his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “[The best treatment] for one day and one night; and hospitality is for three days, and anything after that is charity bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him, speak good words or else remain silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69.
So hosts should give their visitors the best they can offer. But guests should also realize that the hosts have their own obligations and not be a burden on them or cause them undue discomfort.
You're right. Sometimes it still floors me how people will behave when they visit. But I can only control what I do, not anybody else. So I try to be a good guest, try not to inconvenience the host in any way. And hope that the trend will catch on. ;)
one of my cousin got married in a family where she was told that she have to do parda except for her dad and brothers..last time my brothers saw her face was on her wedding day which was around 8 years before...they have curtains in their house everywhere so if some guests are in their house, she is not suppose to come infront of the men while her husband sit in the living room and talk to the aunties and girls
oh yea forgot to tell that she is living in UK
last year dad went to uk and visit her house but she was not allowed to come infront of my dad..he was really upset because she was like a daughter to my father.
so it sound strange to me..her husband can sit with me and chat for hours but his wife is not allowed to come infront of my dad and brothers...
one of my cousin got married in a family where she was told that she have to do parda except for her dad and brothers..last time my brothers saw her face was on her wedding day which was around 8 years before...they have curtains in their house everywhere so if some guests are in their house, she is not suppose to come infront of the men while her husband sit in the living room and talk to the aunties and girls
oh yea forgot to tell that she is living in UK
last year dad went to uk and visit her house but she was not allowed to come infront of my dad..he was really upset because she was like a daughter to my father.
so it sound strange to me..her husband can sit with me and chat for hours but his wife is not allowed to come infront of my dad and brothers...
No offense, but that just sounds to me like backwards, stone-age tribal nonsense - the likes of which one would expect to see perhaps in some remote Bedouin village. Perhaps if the men of the house were at least consistent, and didn't openly socialize with female guests, I could just chalk it up to them adhering to some ultra-orthodox brand of Islam that I don't understand. But the fact that this is all so one sided just reflects upon a greater mentality that reduces women to the status of mere property. It's truly repugnant behavior - people like that don't belong in the West.
Actually it seems equally rude when for example you go to your friend’s house and his bro or chacha jee or mama jee comes and sit there and try to chit chat with you. This is not a decent way you expect from the men in house you are visiting. If I do not do PROPER pardah doesnt mean that I am open to talk to any stranger or na-mehram.
We recently visited someone for the weekend where there was another family invited and both their wives did purdah. Both of them were so comfortable with what they were doing and the guys were the ones stuck in a room while the women were roaming around the apartment. I dont do purdah but hubs appreciates me not walking around when his friends visit and thats fine by me. So, i was amazed at how at ease the women were with purdah. I didnt see their husbands the whole weekend , which is totally fine. But then i didnt get to see much of my own husband either
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