It always seems that you think things are better in the UK...you get better doctors there who know the vaccination schedules...it is better to give birth in the UK...even the birthday cakes are better in UK...
The day you stop comparing Pakistan and UK,most likely half of your issues will disappear.
I can agree to the fact that you are having a hard time adjusting to the life in Peshawar which might be different from your life in UK,but you agreed to move with your husband ...he did not abduct you and bring you here.
Stop thinking of UK as a place you can always run to and your issues will go away,because they wont.
It'll not sound good to you,and also might not be the first time you are hearing this...but you seriously need to grow up and pick and chose your battles wisley because most of the times it appears you are frustrated at things which are not that important.
Good luck...:)
Next thread that I am foreseeing Nadz will open is CAKES IN PAKISTAN......Pakistanis don't know how to bake a cake , the birthday cake was so pathetic and tasted awful etc etc
hmm, maybe, i dono man. I do want to just go back, i dont like his mother. he does annoy me at times, yes hes a decent husband blah blah, but i think i deserve to be happy atleast much of the time. he promised he would support me fully, he knws it hard to adjust. so why cant we go out eat alone? why is his mum the way she is, we have no income now and he doesnt seem to be motivated to look actively for a job, he applies to like 3 jobs a week. and thats it. his mum then puts ideas into his head for bringing my daughter to her daughters wedding, even though il be in uk, so somehow i feel shes planning something and planting ideas. i cant even go out for a walk, i wenty out yesterday with my khala for shopping, the amount of questions his mum asked...ufff, jeez, she obviously didnt like it. and today shes gone shopping with her daughter, and when my FIL ( WHOSE LOVELY ) asked me if i wanted to go too, mil butted in and said nahii yeh to nahi jaygei,.....ive been excluded from day one, moaned about from day one, bithced about from day one, even though in the beginning i tried my best.
naturally when u take someone from uk tp pak, you would atleast take them out,let them see any nice things in pak, just out. i havent been out ( apart from gorcery shopping here and there) once, since march. while in uk, yes i could go out anytime every day. they expect that i should be grateful or something, for being here and if i aint happy well i can go back if i want. but its not as if he would come with me,if i went back just cos i dnt like the fact that i cant go out here, u dnt take me out,......itl all sound trivial.
if it was me, and i had dragged him to uk and he doesnt want to come, i would go out my way to make him like this country, make him love our home. he doesnt do that. he just says the girl always come to the guys house, wherever he lives,...albiet even pakistan.
hmm, maybe, i dono man. I do want to just go back, i dont like his mother. he does annoy me at times, yes hes a decent husband blah blah, but i think i deserve to be happy atleast much of the time. he promised he would support me fully, he knws it hard to adjust. so why cant we go out eat alone? why is his mum the way she is, we have no income now and he doesnt seem to be motivated to look actively for a job, he applies to like 3 jobs a week. and thats it. his mum then puts ideas into his head for bringing my daughter to her daughters wedding, even though il be in uk, so somehow i feel shes planning something and planting ideas. i cant even go out for a walk, i wenty out yesterday with my khala for shopping, the amount of questions his mum asked...ufff, jeez, she obviously didnt like it. and today shes gone shopping with her daughter, and when my FIL ( WHOSE LOVELY ) asked me if i wanted to go too, mil butted in and said nahii yeh to nahi jaygei,.....ive been excluded from day one, moaned about from day one, bithced about from day one, even though in the beginning i tried my best.
naturally when u take someone from uk tp pak, you would atleast take them out,let them see any nice things in pak, just out. i havent been out ( apart from gorcery shopping here and there) once, since march. while in uk, yes i could go out anytime every day. they expect that i should be grateful or something, for being here and if i aint happy well i can go back if i want. but its not as if he would come with me,if i went back just cos i dnt like the fact that i cant go out here, u dnt take me out,......itl all sound trivial.
just a personal question? are you pakhtoon/pathan?
Is you husband's family pathan? Pathans can be overly conservative and traditionalist, so that might explain your MIL/husband's behaviour and attitude.
I went to the docs yesterday, and she told me after examinations, that i seem to be suffering from stress, weakness and my blood pressure was very high. she asked me funnily enough are you having trouble with inllaws..funny how a pakistani doctor would assume that, while a western one wouldnt......
Pakistani doctors are known for better diagnoses. ;-)
Is you husband's family pathan? Pathans can be overly conservative and traditionalist, so that might explain your MIL/husband's behaviour and attitude.
yup, many are conservative, especially who lives in pakistan.
nope. his family are not conservative. he is. they ok. he himself is this way. he was fine back in uk, obviously, here his OTT, i have to wear shawls.chaadars, etc here , which is fine as everyone here wears it, but its not the conservativness thats bothering me. people here still go out. we dont. people go shopping normally, its a normal thing to do right, we dont. if we go, we have to hurry back incase our daughters being naughty or incase they think we just left her and went off. everything is a big deal here everything., i cant go and get my orange juice, which is my fave drink, by myself, i so i ask him to get it. if he remembers hel get it, but its frustrating when he doesnt, because i know i couldve easily got it myself in london. cant help but comepare.
Nadzz, I really do feel sorry for you. You married the wrong guy and on top of that you decided to have kids. If he can't find a job in pakistan, it should give him even bigger reason to move back to the UK. I think you need to make him understand the importance of what a woman does. He seems sexist, which is naturally expected from a desi man. My husband had similar mentality but after meeting me and seeing things from my perspective, it provoked him to think harder about issues women face in our society. Usually people who are so sure about their traditions/customs are simply never provoked to think things through practically. I think this is the case with your husband. He treated you good when you were back in the UK because he understands he is not the one in charge outside of a sexist country like Pakistan
I think your main issue is your husband. There are three solutions to your problems:
Compromise and put others before you. Give up on your own happiness. Learn to find your happiness in others' happiness
Convince him to move back to the UK.
Stay in Pakistan and move out of your inlaws' place. Learn the culture and become a little independent.
nope. his family are not conservative. he is. they ok. he himself is this way. he was fine back in uk, obviously, here his OTT, i have to wear shawls.chaadars, etc here , which is fine as everyone here wears it, but its not the conservativness thats bothering me. people here still go out. we dont. people go shopping normally, its a normal thing to do right, we dont. if we go, we have to hurry back incase our daughters being naughty or incase they think we just left her and went off. everything is a big deal here everything., i cant go and get my orange juice, which is my fave drink, by myself, i so i ask him to get it. if he remembers hel get it, but its frustrating when he doesnt, because i know i couldve easily got it myself in london. cant help but comepare.
Take your daughter with you.
thats the thing, they dnt let us take her either, because its too hot/too cold/thang kari gi/ etc they make it sound like they doing us a favour, but at the same time making sure we back on time for her.
and yes, my husband is probably the issue itself. but i dnt know how to deal with him, if i talk nicely or not, he just thinks im complaining all the time. he does try. but not hard enough. and his mum is def making him think hard about eveything, such as a womans role in the house, ive noticed he isnt as helpful as he was before, maybe his mums telling him im not good enough i should be doing abcd all by myself.
maybe things will be better once his sister married off. a combination of her and her mum are lethal.
thats the thing, they dnt let us take her either, because its too hot/too cold/thang kari gi/ etc they make it sound like they doing us a favour, but at the same time making sure we back on time for her.
and yes, my husband is probably the issue itself. but i dnt know how to deal with him, if i talk nicely or not, he just thinks im complaining all the time. he does try. but not hard enough. and his mum is def making him think hard about eveything, such as a womans role in the house, ive noticed he isnt as helpful as he was before, maybe his mums telling him im not good enough i should be doing abcd all by myself.
maybe things will be better once his sister married off. a combination of her and her mum are lethal.
Well of course you should be back on time for her. That's a no-brainer. But she's your daughter. You can take her with you, and stay in shopping malls or places where she can be comfortable and enjoy an outing.
life is not ideal for everyone. people do sacrifice and give up many thing.
in your case, you just need to go with flow. nothing will change if your husband take his daughter in wedding. let him do whatever he wants.
you should focus on your health, and keep busy yourself with positive activities. I will suggest you to start hobby like collecting stamps, gardening, art and craft, painting, register in class etc.
you need to ignore all those stuff which make you uncomfortable. once you changed, you will not feel bad.
thats the thing, they dnt let us take her either, because its too hot/too cold/thang kari gi/ etc they make it sound like they doing us a favour, but at the same time making sure we back on time for her.
and yes, my husband is probably the issue itself. but i dnt know how to deal with him, if i talk nicely or not, he just thinks im complaining all the time. he does try. but not hard enough. and his mum is def making him think hard about eveything, such as a womans role in the house, ive noticed he isnt as helpful as he was before, maybe his mums telling him im not good enough i should be doing abcd all by myself.
**
maybe things will be better once his sister married off. a combination of her and her mum are lethal**.
I went to the docs yesterday, and she told me after examinations, that i seem to be suffering from stress, weakness and my blood pressure was very high. she asked me funnily enough are you having trouble with inllaws..funny how a pakistani doctor would assume that, while a western one wouldnt.
anyway, today mil giving me grief again. shes expecting someone to come from england for her daughters wedding, because she thinks they were a part of everyones weddings, so should we be.....i kept my mouth shut, although they were only part of weddings that took place in pak, i doubt they would come to london for a wedding......and she expects whoever is coming to bring my daughter too, because ek hi phupo hai, blah blah....
stressing me more. my daughter remains with me. the thing is, what i say, will happen. no one takes her away, i cant beleive mil is saying this, being a mother herself, she should understand my feelings right, luckily husband has now changed his mind and promises nothing like this will happen. but i am assuming his mum will brainwash him the entire time im there and she is going to use it against me if my daughter doesnt turn up to the wedding.....
just her s**** is giving me stress. she says oh tumhare paas dusra bacha hoga....
i wanted to to say to her would u guys have come to london for any of our weddings....but i didnt.....again i thought itd be rude.
i did say i cant be without my daughter, she said well so cant we.....ok like they replace a mother?
YGGKJJGHSDKFJNVDFKJNBFD guys help me out. once more. thanks.