Re: typical desi problem !! solutions ?
Move them out...DIL needs to realize how easy life was for her while she was living with her MIL. She needs real responsibilities and then will be grateful for what she had.
Your mom sounds like a nice enough lady but your Bhabi should be given a spanking. She could at least take care of her husband if not the rest of the house.
Your brother...just sad.
Re: typical desi problem !! solutions ?
i say move them upstairs. and yes get ur dad to retire and come take care of his wife. to me both ur brother and sil sound immature. give them time maybe they will grow up.
Re: typical desi problem !! solutions ?
I think it takes time to adapt. Perhaps since she was career oriented in the sense that she got her higher education, in her house she was not given many chores as such to do. That burden was perhaps never placed on her before since she had to study so she isnt used to it. If they move upstairs, she will get into the habit of working and doing her own things herself, as well as her husband's. Which is one of the things your mom asked for, that she at least take care of her husband. I think mashallah your mother is a self sufficient lady and doesn't need the help of her DIL especially as her DIL has no clue at the moment as to her responsibilities as you see them. It's different in every house.
My MIL still takes care of the house completely and cooks and all. My devarani is living with them but I don't think she participates as such in housework so much or on a regular basis at all. And my MIL is fine with that. She is mashallah a very loving woman. She is a mother, and loves her family like my mom does and sees no harm in taking care of them. Even when I try to take care of her whenever she is in my city, I note that she is more concerned with taking care of me. For instance, recently my husband's nana was ill and since they live in my city (nana and mamus family), Ammi (MIL) came over from her city to take care of him at the hospital. I on my part began going there after classes to check in on her and take her food. She was very concerned with making sure I ate as well and would not lie down initially when I'd be there. Initially she was very adamant that I not spend too much time massaging nana abus legs because I'd get tired also. She relaxed a bit when days went by and I assured her that I was fine. But she is the sort of mother Mashallah who is taking care of you always, and I respected that and give her that opportunity while trying to take care of her as much as I can.
Point is, your mum is ill, I understand that. And she is aging too. But she has the treasure of her three daughters and a lifetime of self sufficiently. What the DIL and MIL in this case need is time to bond. And I believe that the issue of moving upstairs is clouding that chance. Once they move up as per their wishes, the DIL and MIL will be able to focus on their relationship, since the DIL got what she wanted and will eventually adjust together better.