Two Serious Problems

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Okie I have 2 problems I want to discuss

Problem 1

Firstly I have this lady friend, who I’ve known for the past 5 years, she’s been living with her boyfriend for 3 years now. He threw her out last month when she got pregnant and refused to have an abortion. He states that the kid is not his and he won’t raise but he’ll take her back if she has an abortion.

So she’s now living at her cousins place and last night she was out clubbing and boozing, she came home woke up with a hangover and took some pills, don’t know what pills she took coz 3 hours later she started bleeding, not profusely, but still bleeding, she took some more pills, went psycho and took some more, and more and more, eventually threw up.

I was in a meeting and I get an sms…“I’m drunk, I’ve had pills and I’m bleeding, I need your help, he left me I don’t know what to do…but my Bacardi tastes great”

I reply back to her telling her to stop popping pills and to put her bottle down I’m making an appointment with the doc and coming to pick her up ASAP…added that I’d break the mans bones if it would make her happy but for the love of God she better stop killing herself.

35 mins later I reach her place, there’s vomit everywhere, I can see blood too, and I take off my suit and drag her into the shower and wash her down, change her into something cleaner and carry her down to the car. Mad dash to the doctor and he pumps the pills outa her and the bleeding was nothing serious he says.

I’m tired, angry, sad, depressed but I know she’s the kind who will do this again, her cousin doesn’t care if she lives or dies, her folks disowned her when she moved in with her bf and her darling bf is I don’t know where. I can’t watch her 24/7, nor can I stop her from boozing or clubbing.

I can’t let her kill herself coz it seems as though she wants to do that, yet she doesn’t want to have an abortion (thankfully) coz she knows it’s wrong. I’m done with all my talking and reasoning with her.

I don’t know what to do.

Problem 2

I don’t know her very well, yet whenever she’s in trouble she calls me for help. She’s not the only one, I have countless other acquaintances who never call me for their birthday or their nights out, simply coz I don’t indulge in their version of fun. But even outing like shopping or coffee are things I’m never called for, I’m sorta like “uncool”, they all think I’ll start “preaching” to them.

I don’t know what kind of friend I am. I try to be helpful but I’ve never had a normal friendship, as in, when I needed someone there’s really no one I can call on at the drop of a hat. When I’m sad I get my butt on GS and vent it here.

What’s wrong with me?

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Drinking any amount of booze during pregnancy is SOOO bad, your friend is going to cause Fetal Alchohol Syndrome for her baby. This is a serious thing and it isnt easy to care for a special needs child. It doesnt take much alcohol to cause FAS either. Your friend needs serious professional help. She needs to decide if she's going to keep the baby or give it up for adoption too. You should help her find some real professional help here before she does permanent damage to the poor little baby she's carrying.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Problem 1

This probably sounds awful, but its not really your problem, take her to the doctors, thats the best you can do. I know its heartless, but if shes old enough to get herself pregnant, shes old enough to know the consequences of her drinking whilst pregnant. It sounds as if she doesnt want the baby anymore. She needs help from professionals.

Problem 2

Been there, done that, still learning from it. I used to find it hard lowering myself to their level, i'v always said yes and have done everything i can for everyone of my friends, yet whenever i needed them, they were too busy. I don't really know i coped, i just did. i tired to concentrate on the friends i could rely on, people who wouldn't let me down.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

LK: Living together in UAE? Which movie did you watch or was it in Akhbar-e-Khawateen OR Akhbar-e-Jahan? You can tell me all you want about how modern UAE is but I doubt living together is accepted. I mean living in sin (together) is not really a well accpeted ritual in U.S. It's still shunned upon.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

^ you cant be serious?

LK, mamaof 3 is right, she needs professional help, even counselling. And someone needs to tell her parents since the ******* of a boyfriend is not willing to support her. Its not your responsibility, but youre doing the best you can.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

^^ So Desi women are living together with sheikhs and other s in UAE?
How about Pakistan?

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Verizon everyone is living with everyone here...

I'm just exhausted today...went to meet her and found her drunk again, she had more bleeding and I took her to the doctor. He told me she probably won't be having a normal child. Fed her some solid food took her home and she's in bed..threw out all the acholhol I coudl find and filled the bottles with pepsi and mountain dew..why I dunno.

I tried making myself believe that it's not my problem, but then I remeber that phrase from the bible "Am I my brother's keeper?" Yes we are apparently.

I dunno how long I can keep this up without my folks knowing about it. Get her professional help..sure...where? and how much is this gonna cost? I'm not rich.

I think she's had something more than alcohol too.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Well then this about covers PCGs/Archimedes itch on raising kids.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

I did what she begged me nto to do ...I called her folks who are back home, they didn;t sound like they were coming, but I hope maternal and paternal instincts get the better of them and they get down here ASAP.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

LK, can you brink her to a rehab facility? If you call your local hospital, talk to the ER and tell them you can either bring this girl in there or bring her to rehab....if things work similarly to US, the ER will prefer that the girl go to rehab. If thats too much for you, then just bring her to the ER....explain that you are really just a concerned acquaintance, that she has no support of friends or family and that the girl cannot cope, will continue her drug/alcohol abuse without support and intervention. They will take things from there to get her the help she desperately needs. Her baby is already damaged...you can help to make sure no further damage is done, you will be rewarded I'm sure. Do this for the poor little baby she's carrying. If I were closer or if I had the money, I'd come help!

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Re: Two Serious Problems

^ That would be the best approach in getting help for her, although I dont know how the system works in UAE.

At this point, sorry to say, the damage is done. If she has the child, it will be impaired. And seeing her depressive state, she probably wont be able to care for it. The kid will have to be put up for adoption, unless she can get her act together. She is in a grind, and she wont be able to do it on her own.

She needs alcohol rehab right now. Which means she'll have to be put inside a cell or a room and not let out until her addiction dies out. I don't know how many days they do this for. Nor do I know if they have this system available in UAE.

If the doctor saw what she was going through, and there was some system established for these kinds of cases (I doubt it), then he would have recommended it. Call up the biggest hospital system in your area and talk to one of their counselors or doctors about the situation - let them know what is going on. Also, contact law enforcement (although again, I dont know if they'll just beat the crap out of her for unIslamic behavior).

I'm sorry to say this, but you've done way more than anyone else would do - even her own parents have left her. Just relax, and don't feel obligated to adopt her child.

She's old enough to realize what she is doing. She's just going to regret it later.

The best you can do is try to stop some of the effects from taking place. She's made one mistake, then another, then another - and its causing a domino effect - other things in life are going to be effected which she wont have control over (like her child's heath).

How many months is she along?

What...
What...
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Re: Two Serious Problems

I think she's in the fourth month. Yes the doctor did mention I hsoudl take her to a private phyciatrist (sp?) so I'm gonna be doing that tomorrow. I think they'll get her in a private clinic or something, I'm a bit weary of going to the govt hospital cz I fear she's taking drugs and then things can get messy, privately she can be detoxified or whatever.

The situation is a lil I dunno what to say..screwey? Coz I am pretty sure she has TB (and is under medication)...but it's undercover, coz in Dubai if you have TB you'll be deported back home, hence I want to stay away from the Govt hospital. I dont think she has the strength to go out and buy booze today. So Im hoping she'll just stay at home.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Do you know where she buys the booze? You can talk with the storeowner about her condition and ask him for pity's sake not to sell her any.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

oh also you can do this.

Mix cranberry juice with bubbly water (whatever that is called) and chill it with ice - give it to her and tell her she can get a nice high from it.

It tastes like alcohol somewhat.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

There are a number of places where she could, or she coudl pop in at the nearest resturant or bar.

I just checked, she's at home, still sleeping, woke up to go to the toilet and went back to sleep, her cozins a bit worried too now..thankfully.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

oh aur haan, have you told her parents about the doctor's verdict on the child?

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Re: Two Serious Problems

Problem is PCG I can’t be with her, my folks think I’m at wok and then off to class, if I;m not at class I;m home, I don’t go out any where so like, I can’t tell them about this, they wouldn’t understand or condone my association with her.

I hope I never meet her bf anywhere, I have so much rage in me I could slaughter him.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

yes I have, I just hope they come soon, praying they come here and take her back home with them.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

LK, help her because you want to, not because she asked you to. Try not being a friggin psychologist or a counselor, unless you are trained to be one. Sometimes, good intentions can complicate problems, and make them worse. She needs professional help, and may be you can report her condition to the UAE Police, and let them Arbi Police people go and get her boyfriend to look after her in that condition, or may be they can find her a half-way house where she can stay and be looked after until she gives birth.

Good luck.

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Re: Two Serious Problems

I;m gonna wait for one more day to hear what her folks have to say after that I dunno, but reporting her to the police, I dunno, they won't bother the bf coz they dont have a legal relationship. They'll deport her asap as well.

I;m helping coz I can't leave someone I know in the state that she's in.

Pakistan's top judge is suspended (Merged)