Two Serious Problems

[Madhanee]

Re: Two Serious Problems

LK, May Allah :swt: gives you ajaz (reward) for this. You are a good friend. Stay strong.

[lastknightess]

Re: Two Serious Problems

Naah nothign I;m sure any of us wouldn't do to help out a person in need, but I think I'm the one who's gonna be needing therapy after this.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Two Serious Problems

Last knightess you will know thats its very difficult to walk away from a situation like this but the more you are involved and the more you worry and take care of the situation the less the pregnant girl and her family need to fulfill their responsibilities. Fom what you say ,it appears that you are getting embroiled in this girls probs and probally also emotionally drained which can' be good for your health.

situation no 2

There is nothing wrong with not having a a close confidant or freind who will do anything for you "at a drop of a hat"...in fact not that everyone has.

Having said that people need others to talk to, especially at a time like this when you can feel overwhelmed emotionally.

Seni has a very good point...try to concentrate on friendsyou can rely on. Or consider spending more time with other acqaintences who may eventually become good freinds with you.

[Madhanee]

Re: Two Serious Problems

LK, why would you want a trophy after this?

[hhs4462]

Re: Two Serious Problems

im not sure what advice to give, except to try to reason with your friend & tell her the reason she didnt want to get a abortion is cuz she thought it was wrong. but at the rate shes going, she's going to force her body to abort the child. (unless that is what she is trying to do)

2ndly I would like to thank you for being such a good person/friend. I know its tough to be such a good friend especially to someone who doesnt treat you other wise. I have been gone out of the way myself, but alhum. this is a really great thing you are doing for your friend.

[ghuLail]

Re: Two Serious Problems

GET HER TO ABORT!......scruples can come later......once the kid is out of her system, she will feel less unstable......i wudn't recommend this in any other situation but obviously without any support system she is feeling terrible and helpless with this kid inside her....if you could only convince her to abort or have it taken without telling her......it cud save her, and trust me it matters more than saving the kid!...u can only do as much, if you are not ready to stretch yr limits at least save her.....force her to abort in some way.

[lastknightess]

Re: Two Serious Problems

GhuLail - I really didn;t need to hear that, it's a God given life, let God do what He wills.

[ghuLail]

Re: Two Serious Problems

with this reply....i have an uncanny feeling u r the one stopping her from aborting......come on is the kid's life more important than her's!

[lastknightess]

Re: Two Serious Problems

I'm not stopping anyone from doing anything, just cleaning her up and driving her to the doctor and doing away with booze.

I;m outa here, I can't take it any more

[hhs4462]

Re: Two Serious Problems

LK dont listen to ghuLail

[suroor_ca02]

Re: Two Serious Problems

i think she shud get aborted, mainly because what kind of environment will this child come to? a drunk, psychologically messed up mom. a father who refuse to acknowledge the child? is say to behtar hai woh dunya mein ayay he nahien.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Two Serious Problems

even in that kind of a situation, a muslim woman would have to keep the child - she screwed it up , she has to deal with the consequences. Aborting the child in these circumstances would set such a bad precedent.

But then again, she might not be muslim.

[lastknightess]

Re: Two Serious Problems

PCG your last line made my heart sink, you're telling me that it's okay to abort a child if it doesn't belong to a muslim woman?

What does religion have to do with any of this? Is the price of a life determined by it's religion?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Two Serious Problems

Not at all. In fact, I didn't want to force my beliefs on abortion upon her in the case that she is not a muslim.

[the_paindoo]

Re: Two Serious Problems

@lastknightess

Okie I have 2 problems I want to discuss

Problem 1

Firstly I have this lady friend, who I’ve known for the past 5 years, she’s been living with her boyfriend for 3 years now. He threw her out last month when she got pregnant and refused to have an abortion. He states that the kid is not his and he won’t raise but he’ll take her back if she has an abortion.

So she’s now living at her cousins place and last night she was out clubbing and boozing, she came home woke up with a hangover and took some pills, don’t know what pills she took coz 3 hours later she started bleeding, not profusely, but still bleeding, she took some more pills, went psycho and took some more, and more and more, eventually threw up.

I was in a meeting and I get an sms…“I’m drunk, I’ve had pills and I’m bleeding, I need your help, he left me I don’t know what to do…but my Bacardi tastes great”

I reply back to her telling her to stop popping pills and to put her bottle down I’m making an appointment with the doc and coming to pick her up ASAP…added that I’d break the mans bones if it would make her happy but for the love of God she better stop killing herself.

35 mins later I reach her place, there’s vomit everywhere, I can see blood too, and I take off my suit and drag her into the shower and wash her down, change her into something cleaner and carry her down to the car. Mad dash to the doctor and he pumps the pills outa her and the bleeding was nothing serious he says.

I’m tired, angry, sad, depressed but I know she’s the kind who will do this again, her cousin doesn’t care if she lives or dies, her folks disowned her when she moved in with her bf and her darling bf is I don’t know where. I can’t watch her 24/7, nor can I stop her from boozing or clubbing.

I can’t let her kill herself coz it seems as though she wants to do that, yet she doesn’t want to have an abortion (thankfully) coz she knows it’s wrong. I’m done with all my talking and reasoning with her.

I don’t know what to do.

I was wondering would it not be better if she is sent back to India? Because her parents would be there to care and help her out. You did say they don’t seem to care much at present but perhaps they might once they see her condition or “log kiya kahein gay” factor might help. Plus I think there are surly institutions for alcohol and drug rehabilitations in India, not sure if there are any in the UAE.

Problem 2

I don’t know her very well, yet whenever she’s in trouble she calls me for help. She’s not the only one, I have countless other acquaintances who never call me for their birthday or their nights out, simply coz I don’t indulge in their version of fun. But even outing like shopping or coffee are things I’m never called for, I’m sorta like “uncool”, they all think I’ll start “preaching” to them.

Madhanee mad a very good point. Help her/other because you want to . Help her as much as you feel you need to help. What ever satisfies your conscious considering the restrictions you have. You have done a lot for her already but if there is more you think you can do , then you should, but with out that burden of expectations.
They might think you are “uncool” person, who is always “preaching” so if you think they are right then you should stop doing it. But if you feel that what you do is with the sincerest of intentions and is right thing to do then you should not doubt yourself.

Just the fact that they call you up when ever they need you is an acknowledgement in it self how much they value your advice. But as all humans we don’t like to be reminded of the “right” things.

I don’t know what kind of friend I am. I try to be helpful but I’ve never had a normal friendship, as in, when I needed someone there’s really no one I can call on at the drop of a hat. When I’m sad I get my butt on GS and vent it here.

What’s wrong with me?

Perhaps there are people but you might be thinking they are just too “cool” to understand such a sensitive situation? And what is wrong with coming to GS and venting out here? [We men at GS are used to it now… or do get used to it pretty quick… considering 90% threads are … ]I guess a few on GS might not be very pleased about this comment, the ones who regularly uplift and support you. Or are there none? Or are you saying people on GS don’t reply to your “vent threads” at “at the drop of a hat”?

[lastknightess]

Re: Two Serious Problems

Well firstly I said I come to GS to vent, meaning that this is probably the only pleace where I can complain and be heard and I appreciate my guppie friends for it..not the other way around yaar. :) I;m not discounting my friends on GS at any cost. Rather I treasure them for being such wonderful friends.

As for the lady, well her folks are coming down hopefully in a day's time, she's okay today, had managed without a drink, feeling bad for being "foolish" and is quite relieved that her folks are coming. And just to clarify...she isn't Indian.

You see because I have certain beliefs doesn't mean I'd impose them on others, but people around me who are aware of the way I lead my life THINK that I'd get "preachy" with them. I only give advice when asked, I'm no one to comment about how they live thier lives, I don't judge them for what they do or don't do but I feel as though I am judged. The very fact that they tell me about their lives and their actions means that they know I don;t judge them, I listen and offer whatever help I can.

If someone wants my honest opinion then I give it to them gently, if they think that;s being preachy then well, they asked for it. But i don't usually give any lectures unless they actually ask for it.