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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Of course CM ... I'm not perfect so I wouldn't expect my man to be perfect either. When I said it's an added bonus, I just meant that if it is there, that would be fantastic, but if it isn't, then it's no biggie. These aren't the top qualities you initially look for when you meet somebody. What we really look for is that dreaded word ..... chemistry!
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Chemistry of course means settling. Settling means adjusting to some ideals and concepts that are "turn offs" or abhored by a female. Where do you draw that imaginary line when it comes to chemistry or a relationship?
Chemistry of course means settling. Settling means adjusting to some ideals and concepts that are "turn offs" or abhored by a female. Where do you draw that imaginary line when it comes to chemistry or a relationship?
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Maybe that is your definition of chemistry but it certainly isn't my definition of the word. For me, chemistry is when two people see each other and there are sparks ... you get along and are actually attracted and into each other. That is far from settling. There has to be an attraction ... there has to be chemistry for things to go further or else there is no point .... unless you want to settle.
Attraction i believe you mean at a physical level and then you move on the substansive level. At that level, the male meets some of your "turn on" requirements and some he does not. He may at points also have some "turn off" traits. I doubt there is a man that fits all the "turn on" traits a female has and doesnt have a single "turn off" trait. In that case where do you draw the line basically how do you balance turn on and turn off. Or better yet do you attempt to balance it?
Well CM, what it comes down to is how much you care about the person and if you really want to be with them. Either you accept a person as they are or you don't accept them at all. Obviously, not all men/women will possess the "turn on" desires that we have. That doesn't mean they should be written off. Once you get past the initial attraction and actually delve deeper into the person's substance and really get to know one another, that's when all the heavy stuff comes into play (emotional attachments, etc.). I guess for me, what it really comes down to is whether you really care about the person and if you want to be with them despite their "turn-off" qualities.
Perhaps it is a question of balancing it but I've never really thought of it that way. I guess you have to ask yourself, "do I really want to be with this person even though they are going bald?" or something along those lines. :D In that sense, perhaps it is a question of settling. Again, nobody is perfect so finding someone who will fulfill all of our desires is just unrealistic.
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*Originally posted by CM: *
Attraction i believe you mean at a physical level and then you move on the substansive level. At that level, the male meets some of your "turn on" requirements and some he does not. He may at points also have some "turn off" traits. I doubt there is a man that fits all the "turn on" traits a female has and doesnt have a single "turn off" trait. In that case where do you draw the line basically how do you balance turn on and turn off. Or better yet do you attempt to balance it?
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i don't think it's so mathematical. besides, before meeting the guy perhaps we have these lists of turn ons and turn offs that we may need to balance, but the guy will probably bring something we hadn't really considered in the equation, in which case the equation is no longer valid.
i don't think it's so mathematical. besides, before meeting the guy perhaps we have these lists of turn ons and turn offs that we may need to balance, but the guy will probably bring something we hadn't really considered in the equation, in which case the equation is no longer valid.
Perfectly. This comes to actual point i wanted to raise. Now if this sounds like an anti-pakistani female rant, then sue me. But i believe females who have not dated or have had minimal contact with men, set extremely high standards for men to meet. The old prince charming routine, or the idea that love would just hit them a la bollywood movies. (Men are equally guilty of this )I also bring this up as i remember a thread where women asked if they would settle for a guy etc. Majority answers were no.
Ironically most people men and women have to settle in the end. It just depends if the "turn ons" out weigh the "turn offs". Its about balance and which is more important. You can list "turns off" and "turns on" but both have to be played against each other to see if the man (in your case) is right for you.
Sahar, the male may bring in something that you could fancy or it could be a complete turn off. Such is life, but everybody has a minimal standard they will not fall below. Starting from that standard you build your idea of what is acceptable. My personal opinion is that these standards are sometimes set way too high. I dont want to take any people as examples, but if every man had the qualities mentioned in this thread, all men would be angels or damn close to it.
By the way -- you're absolutely right about the "fairy tale" issue. Plenty of people expect their partner to conform to some sort of ideal, and if they don't fit, then screw them. I think, however, that letting go of this isn't "settling," it's maturing. We're developing a more complex understanding of human nature and we're willing to let go of Prince Charming in favor of a real, mature, human connection.
Very true Sahar. With age and experience, we (or at least some of us) learn that the fantasy doesn't exist. I totally agree with you CM and do not see your views as an anti-Pakistani women rant. :)
I honestly believe that Bollywood films (and most Hollywood films) have completely brainwashed us. That kind of fantasy love does not exist in real life. From what I have seen, if anything, it develops and grows over time. Yes, there is an initial attraction but it isn't all songs and singing and dancing in the trees. There is no such thing as the perfect hero or heroine and having extremely high expectations often leads to disappointment since no one will ever measure up to your ideals. You just learn this with experience and as you mature.
-- really soft yet shrill voice (of course female's)
-- Chubby girls (atleast zameen per kuch hota tu haina :D )
-- A girl who can talk on sports.
-- A person with a good intellect.
(Nadia :k: :k: )
