Would you be offended as a man if your wife addressed you as ‘tum’ and not ‘aap’? This friend of mine had a big fight with his wife who addresses him as ‘tum’ in public. She was raised in the UK and explains it has nothing to do with lack of respect as this is how she addresses her mother too. But this guy is making a big deal out of it. I wanna slap him.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
In your man humping dream how did you both address each other. That would actually explain a lot.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
^ Verizon, aren't your constant references to one thread getting repetitive? I am sure you can do better.
FG, I have seen it both ways and it all depends on comfort level between spouses. Surely if one minds it, then the other should refrain. In some families, like ours, even the kids are referred to as 'aap', since we believe the way to teach them to respect is to give them respect. Some of our visiting friends refer to our kids as 'tum' and the kids get mighty offended :-D Some of our other friends, the wife calls her husband 'tum' and generally refers to as "voh late aaya thaa", "ye banda aaj phir dair kara raha hai" kinda language, which, otherwise, will seem pretty couth.
Re: ‘tum’ yaa ‘aap’
man humping dream 
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
Verizon Saab, was that dream too shocking for your taste buds?. It's OK, you will get one too very soon.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
You cant just go around slapping people... Goodness Me...do you people have any sense of propriety or decorum!
Whatever she called him is betweeen him and her, you could of course advise him that you think its really not that much of an issue and it may be a result of her upbringing....
Personally I believe the man has the hump because she didnt give him a massage and hand feed him perhaps she should read the "guidence for a muslim wife" book and all will be well.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
You cant just go around recommending this book to people... Goodness Me...do you people have any sense of propriety or decorum!
Re: ‘tum’ yaa ‘aap’
Old age does that. Losing the eye-sight is terrible, but a notch better than losing the mind (not that I am suggesting you are losing either). Just wait, more symptoms will become clearer.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
Faisal (or funguy), I agree that it does sound a little weird. And if given the choice i wouldn't mind being called 'aap'. But there is no way in hell I am gonna call her 'aap' ....that would be so un-intimate. My beef with the dude is that he made it a big deal out of it.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
^^ I can see that.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
Funguy...Goodness me, How dare you disregard the proffered advise.... Goodness me (again) do you have no sense of propriety or decorum!
Dear me.... Tsk... tsk... tsk.... Children... Hmmp!
Re: ‘tum’ yaa ‘aap’
Hmmm… 
This statement just sounds wrong.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
it's a matter of personal preference. my husband and i refer to each other as "aap".
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
'Aap' sounds more polite and reaonable than 'tum'.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
begum n I dunn speak much in urdu so, the whole tum and aap issue is not even present. regardless its not a huge deal among spouses in my view, tum..aap..whats the big deal.
I however refer to everyone as aap, and am among the people who say "hum" instead of "mein" so mumzy just got us started on a more formal version of urdu.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
Do you two speak Punjabi with each other?. You must be the only couple under 40 speaking Punjabi then.
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
ok, my husband was trying to teach me urdu and he keeps emphasizing that aap rather than tum should be used when asking how someone is, but he won't say why.
ok, why? What is the difference? Is one formal? informal? signifies relationship?
Re: 'tum' yaa 'aap'
^ Agreed (Sadiyah) :-)
My dad refers to my mom as 'aap' when in public and vice versa. I know a lot of people who do the same. But I won't be offended like your friend if 'tum' was used.