Re: tujhe say bechar k tanha zindage guzartay hoay to mujhe arsa beet gaya
Ghazalooo..
I know I am lil late but as I had PMed you as soon as u posted this that I will reply later after eid and also after reading it carefully… the reason is that poetry is something which needs understanding, sensitivity and above all attention and relation to the event:flower1:
mere words in poetry may be analyzed as to see the weight of verses and to make it like a verse but then comes the beauty of “azaad shaairy” or “nasariyaa manzoom” that requires the flow of thought right from heart and do not appeal through their rythm but with the meanings.. cuz the meaning gives the rythm to it…
however, in this poem you have tried to keep up with the normal use of “Behr, Qafiya, Radeef” and “Auzaan” (weight) of the verses…
I will repeat the words of Capri cuz they fit right here in my response too:
*I am amazed at your maturity. Though the tone is sad in this ghazal but its very well written. Keep writing. You have the potential to express yourself *
The climax of the emotions is hidden in the shair:
teray baeis jo zamanay nay zakhum diay thay, isay arsa beet gaya
per her zakhum aaj bhi hara hai aisay jesay kal ke baat ho
People call others sensitive and I don’t know whether it is a good thing to be or a bad.. Only thing I know is that being sensitive is really a relative concept… It can be bad depending on the situation and it can be the only thing which could be the right response to the time
Whatever it is, I know it is good and a must for poetry, both to write it and for understanding it…
but don’t hurt yourself through it.. let it go in poetry as a absolute tears and be thank ful to ALLAH
Sirf encouragement hi nai wish and dua as well…Allah ap ko taraqi day aamin…will be honored to see you as great poet, which I am sure k I will inshAllahh…phir bhool nai jaana ham ko…kon Ata
Basically what i wanted to say has been said by Sohail and AQ, though they’ve done a better job than I could’ve. The important thing is that you have some great ideas in there, and you have potential…I hope you continue to share more of your work. Happy writing!
Re: Re: tujhe say bechar k tanha zindage guzartay hoay to mujhe arsa beet gaya
Anwar bahii:flower1:
first of thanx a lot for replying and giving me suggestions… apke yeh reply mujhe bohut door tak la kar jayay gee:)… i’ll try to improvie my self more… per still i need ur commentz and i hope u’ll:hug:…
Second thing is k if u can point out that on what i should work more… cause i know there are sum mistakes… as u said..
Behr, Qafiya, Radeef" and “Auzaan” (weight) of the verses…
so kis per zyada time aur kaam karnay k zarorat hai:D..
ghazalooo: i thought i had replied with all my feelings about this nazm but i did not know u wanted me to go through each verse and try to elaborate on it.. if that is the case let me know… I will do it soon too
PS: itaa lambaa jawaab diyaa thaa.. magar tumhaiN tau buss aur hee aur chaahiye mujh say
wiseguy bahii thanx a lot:hug:
lozzz and nice sher:-p thankoooflowerz
pasoo appiblush thanxxxx a lot for ur words… and i’ll keep writing:hug:
ata bhii oh ho itne tareefeinblush thanxxx a bunch:hug:
yeh kia kaha ap na:-'( aisay khabhi nahi ho sakta aur agar mujhe aisay kehna para k who ata then i’ll leave writing… ainda aise baat khabhi na kaheaya ga:(
Dania appi thanx a lot:flower1:
Queeno appi thanx a lot:flower1:
~Seher~ appiblush ap na reply kia bare baat hai.. per still apkay commentz ka bohut bohut shukria… as i said i need commentz to keep writing and to write better:flower1:
i can go over each shair and write on it but it will take me some time… basically what i did was to explain my feelings about the whole poem and picked the best shair that i thought is the best one and that summarizes everything in my understanding… but if you want anything i will do it other than that your whole nazm is much better in terms of Qafiya and Wazan…
the best and a very simple thing what i do and most people also do is to read the nazm and if i see it’s missing rythm, i try to rearrange the words and get rid of redundant words depending on what is needed even sometimes replacing words or adding more to it… and then check if it rhymes or not…
The only thing matters is the context of nazm, and the secondary thing is vocabulary…
The more poetry u read, the more you will be able to enrich your diction
and be thank ful to ALLAH 
mujeh apna reply acha laga na per mujhe say lamba reply nahi diya jata:bummer:
u should not be that sweettt:teary1:
thanx for making my laugh so hard after a long timeeeee:-) 
thankoooo 