Try-n-buy?

[diwana]

@X2

well there are different flavours of arranged marriages and when people were trying to hook me up I had ample opportunity to have solo time with the ladies and I know others do too.

No matter what flavour one looks at, arranged marriage process has never been and will never prove an emotional attachment before either engagement or marriage itself.

The ample time you had was fine and dandy but I am sure neither you nor the other person had developed any chance o0f emotional attachment. Hence no room for being emotionally hurt.

If you had ample time to spend even before engagement that was falling in to bounds of ‘dating’ then that is not true arranged rishta. I would call it “facilitated dating”. You are sooo lucky.

The main difference in arranged marriage or rishta is to protect people from being hurt unnecessarily from being emotionally involved unless other things are sorted out.

@X2

Lets not start tripping over words like try before buy, the point that we got to was about misleading, and that causing issues. and there is plenty of misleading in arranged rishta process, ask the ladies here they have seen it heard about it we have seen threads about it.

Well, that is exactly what I mentioned. Chance of misleading is much less in arranged rishta scenario compared to two individulas meeting and presenting them as objects to try.

There is not more misleading in arranged rishta than dating.

In dating one try to present himself or herself in the best form or shape since that person knows that ONLY one person is to be fooled.

@X2

again, lets not regress into the 'try physically or emotionally" stuff, when guys and girls spend time together, alone, in groups and there is one leading the other. The point is that a stereotypical view of dating is not the only situation where emotional attachment can develop, and it is not the only situation where one can mislead the other and then take off..

I never said emotional attachement can only develop in dating scenario.

Sick people develop emotional attachment to people (movie stars, singers and sport players) they see on TV. Ever saw the movie “The Fan” starring Robert De Niro?

@X2

again, absolute terms, no..
dating “may involve”, “often involves”. “mostly involves”
yes but a plain statement like dating involves..well then that just says dating comes in one flavour and thats it, and that is simply not true

What is wrong in admitting dating involves something not necessarily about people meeting for the purpose of marrying? It involves something more than that.

Obviously it is not about ‘casual encounter’ which I thought was good not to include.

This is the same position you confirmed above.

@X2

as I said earlier..

again, absolute terms, no..
dating may mean meeting for mating for a number of people, but for all, no. again your statement is indicating that dating comes in one flavour and thats it, and that is simply not true

@X2

utterly incorrect.

So what did you not agree with the statement. Please explain. It is very benign statement and very truthful.

“Dating does not even mean meeting for marrying nor it means meeting for mating!”

@X2

however, during the hours people spend with each other during uni and work, attachments develop, whether it is having lunch together in a canteen, or sitting together for company or uni events, two people or a group..

Humm..

Then still it is not dating per se. Like anyone can guess. Attachment at work area or school can develop but for it to be called dating, two need to meet periodically for a period of time exclusively to be called dating each other.

Uni canteen encounters hardly can be defined dating. Unless someone is dreaming of other at night to be ‘dating’.

@X2

look at the end of the day, whatever name someone gives it, dating, courting, hanging out..and in whichever situation, the end point is that if someone is misleading another then emotional distress can happen, now if some person is going to have an issue with someone who has been hurt emotionally, then well that says something about that person. throwing words like used etc just makes the person emotionally hurt as less of an individual or culprit, whereas they could have been 100% sincere and just were misled.

That part is absolutely I agree. Deliberately hurting and using someone is wrong and this probably the third time if not more I say it in this thread.

@X2

sure.., the deeper, longer and more formal the relationship, the higher emotional trauma..all other things being equal.

Yes. Dating for long time is also included by the way even though it still remains non-committal and not the same as engaged or “To-Be-Married”.

@X2

but emotional trauma can happen in other cases too. aadhi qaum in pakistan is doing rona dhona over aashiqi and firaq and mehboob and raqeeb…thats not all due to ‘dating’ is it

Bahi X2. That is poetry. So many non-desi poetry is also full of lovey dovey stuff for fun and head banging.

You and I both know that is not real and is just for fun.

Read Meer Dard poetry or Meer Taqi Meer. They wrote great stuff to be read again and again for entertainment and touching the depth of hearts of people. No reality. It is just a way to show very high level of intellect and intelligence by imagining or creating something which is not even real.

Besides this kind of stuff does not need a real person. People who write this kind of material do not need a real person or may never have fallen in to love with real person.

Even you and I can write rotay dhotay shayr for an imaginary bewafa girl..