"true" love ?

**In today’s world, a lot of young people are afflicted by a serious illness that is even more deadly than any virus or bacteria. It is an illness that affects the heart and will cause its death, if not treated. This illness is none other than love before marriage, and it is with great sadness that a lot of youth fail to realize that in reality there is no such thing as “true” love before marriage, yes, there might be crushes, infatuations and the likes, but true love? No.

Some people might argue and say, how can you make such a bold statement? To that I reply, love is what creates happiness not sorrow, love is what gives you a peace of mind not worry and anguish but most importantly, love is that which brings you closer to Allaah the Most High, not that which will push you further away from Him and acquire His wrath. Yet there are a few brothers and sisters, who truly love Allaah, only to find their hearts crippled by this disease, they have apparently fallen in “love” with the opposite gender (before marriage) and can’t seem to stop thinking about them, they lose their appetite, their sleep and become neglectful of life as a whole.These individuals sometimes regret falling in love and want a way out, they want a cure for this illness, but is there really a cure?

Listen to what Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim has to say:

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realize that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allaah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allaah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allaah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allaah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allaah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allaah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allaah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is emerged in something will never see its ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realize how evil it is.”

[ad-Daa’ wa ad-Dawaa p. 300]

**(Via. Bro. Aboo Thabbit, Student at Madeenah Islamic University)

Re: "true" love ?

I have been married to one I loved for 20 years , and a pious woman died who was wife a person I know they were married for 30 plus years and there are many who are happily married for longer than that.
Love before marriage is real, no matter what you say. What would you say about marriage of our Holy Prophet(SAW) and our mother Hazrat Khadeeja ? They got married before she became Muslim and before our Holy Prophet(SAW) was ordained with Prophethood. Many Islamic historian call it love marriage.
Please do not make sweeping statements like this.
Yes there can be love before marriage , there is nothing UnIslamic about it . Yes there are boundaries which young ones should not cross. And every Muslim men and woman , boy and girl knows what those boundaries are.

Re: "true" love ?

RasoolAllah SAW said the third one, among the unmarried couple, is the devil. mamla hatam

Re: "true" love ?

true

Re: "true" love ?

Here is the hadees you are quoting:
Hadith - Recorded Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi. [Al-Albani says it is sahih. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 1, p. 234.]

The Prophet said, "A man is never alone with a woman except that Satan is the third." 

This is talking about being alone with a na mahram . Love can be nurtured without being alone. In modern days there is telephone , internet where you are not alone with a na mahram but still you can be in love.
Also there can be zero interaction and love can be there. Love an be expressed with gestures , looks without talking or any physical interaction and contact.
You lot have to come out of your old world mentality , it is not going to work in these modern times and will take people away from religion because of your extremism instead of bringing them toward religion.

Re: “true” love ?

Let’s bring in the other angle here …

True love only exists with Allah (SWT) and RasoolAllah (SAW) … My Shaykh said, love is about being blind to their faults. Of course there are no faults in Allah (SWT) and His Rasool (SAW) so it is easy to fall in love with them… before marriage :hehe:

Early in marriage and before marriage we can like other people, but it is almost impossible to be blind completely to another person’s faults. The question is not whether it is possible to have full on love before marriage, but whether it is allowed to have that … love is only felt for sure when our desires for lust have been passified - when we have taken it out of our system … we only get to see a small piece of a person’s outwardness when we first meet … slowly we learn about them - the question here is do we indulge in their private lives before marriage or after marriage?

According to Islamic tradition marriage is a contract that legitimises love to develop … it is hence permissible purely to marry a person based on hearsay about them and by meeting them only once, seeing if they look visually pleasing and trusting those around you to deem it a good match. It is possible to have love before marriage - just as it is possible to have sex before marriage … Soon after marriage a different type of feeling develops with the spouse and it is this that love is about … it is not that initial butterfly in the tummy feeling when two people come close and smell the scent of one another and become elated, it is not that eye battering and smiles that are exchanged … displays of interest and affection … which are like love but not quite the same.

Re: “true” love ?

agreesd

Re: "true" love ?

I highly doubt that the proverbial “True or platonic” love ever existed between a boy and a girl without a piercing perception of the gender and gobs of possibilities to enjoy the moments, be it a boy and a girl of five thousand years ago or a couple of this day and age the ingrained animal instinct cannot be tamed to a perfection where sensuality is lost in the perception of metaphysical “True Love”.

Being alone with a ‘Na-Mehram” is not merely a seclusion from other people behind a Curtin where no seeing eye can see, satanic imagination moves faster than speed of light, we have coined ways to expose our libido in a way that even Satan would feel impoverished and drained of “creative” ideas.

our youth can and does behave like the sons of Lucifer when alone on the phone or internet with an “accepting” member of opposite gender in the name of love, we live in a modern age where millions of kids born out of legitimate wedlock has been given a pretty name of “Love Child”.

Feeling of strong affection can neither be called true love nor be put to test beyond the limits.

Re: "true" love ?

Not all lovers are perverts or after just one thing. This is extremist view and thinking and I abhor it from the core of my heart. I loved a girl , wanted to spend rest of my life with her as my wife and companion in good and bad , how difficult it is for someone to understand.

Re: “true” love ?

Peace Mirch

I don’t disagree with you that “love can be found before marriage” but I have two clarifications needed:

  1. True love is not really possible to be achieved
  2. The level of love that can be reached should not be attempted before marriage

The type of halal love developed before marriage would not be called hubb in classical Arabic … the claim here is that the word “love” has become cheap. What we call love today is really only a type of admiration and attraction.

I think this is an article written by a non-Muslim, but it defines love so much like it is defined in the meaning behind the classical Arabic word hubb … and agrees with how my Shaykh speaks of this topic.

What is the true meaning of love?

Re: "true" love ?

just a quick thought at the subject reveals the following key words/phrases:
na mahram
veil
beard
lowering the eyes
choosing piety over pleasing

have a sum up and then tell what you think?

[quote]

You lot have to come out of your old world mentality , it is not going to work in these modern times and will take people away from religion because of your extremism instead of bringing them toward religion.
[/quote]

we cant market islam for what its not since that defeats the purpose. also we seek to enjoin good (islam) and forbid evil (unislamic)
i'd say your islamic understanding is severely effected by bad company since you cant even trust the alltime mercy Allah SWT sent through his Messenger SAW at a time chosen by Allah SWT.

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My company is bad and Islamic understanding is flawed but my ability to have a civilized discussion is not gone on vacation.

Re: "true" love ?

Peace Mirch

From me ... I consider you a person in love of humanity and in love of our faith :) ... I understood your words not to be attacking tradition, but they were questioning how people are lacking intellectual reasoning in favour of blindly following things on face value.

As a result I see our difference purely on a "semantics" level ...

Re: "true" love ?

If two persons like eachother than our Islamic scholers Aalim-e-Islam allowed them to get married,There should be limits and boundries in love,If two people love eachother than they tell their parents about this specially boy,he sent his rishta to the girl he loves in proper Islamic way and get married with her in this Pakiza way.

Re: "true" love ?

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847. al-Busayri said: Its men are thiqaat and its isnaad is saheeh.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"If Allaah has decreed that you should get married after that, this is good, in sha Allaah. If He has not decreed that then that is also good, in sha Allaah. "

We know that love is the matter of the heart, and that a person is not to be blamed for that over which he has no control. But he is to be blamed fully for the things that led him to enter into this relationship, such as forbidden glances, or words spoken in secret over the phone or via the internet, and other footsteps of the Shaytaan which he wants to people to follow and fall into evil ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha’ *, and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower”

[al-Noor 24:21]

*

Re: "true" love ?

Agreed,People should have some limits and boundries not only in Love also in other matters,works and whatever you do in life.

Re: “true” love ?

Peace All,

Is thi thread about ‘love’ only or love with wife or love with Almighty Allah and His Messenger :saw2: ?

Re: "true" love ?

Love before marriage

Re: "true" love ?

Peace Pakiiza,

Thanx. In that case majority agreed 'love' after marriage is better than 'love' before marriage.