idk if all of u are familiar with the mtv show “true life” or not… but my brother recorded this show for me cuz he thought id like it… since im never home n hardly ever watch tv
but thats besides the point
there was an episode where they showed 3 inividuals who were being set for an arranged marriage. 2 of the people were pakistanis and one of them was indian. while watching the show, it really made me think how much our traditions have changed over the years. well the traditions, but the way we carry them…
The first person was a 22yr old pakistani girl who lives in texas. she started off by telling how since she was young she planned on meeting her “prince charming” and falling in love n getting married. but “in pakistani house holds, its a tradition for a girl to get married by the age of 21”. so her parents meet a guy from chicago and like him n the girl and guy get engadged. her and her family are not all that religious, but him and his family are. all in all… she decided to break the engagement because he lived too far and she didnt want to be so far from her family. and his family was too religious…
The second person was an indian guy who had been studying/working in the USA and was engaged to someone in india. i didnt really understand his entire situation, but it seemed like he was marrying her to bring her over seas. not positive tho..
the last person was a pakistani girl who was studying law. she was always busy with studying and school n stuff… so her mom set a “dead-line” for her to be engaged by. so her friends were setting up these dates for her to meet potential grooms. n the one date i thought was the weirdest was one that her MOM set up… her mom had a gathering at HER HOUSE!! and she invited the guy over… awkward!!!
ne ways… it just made me think… back when our parents were set up… if it was an arranged marriage… things weren’t how they are now. im not saying everyone if like these 3 people… but it just made me think…
idk… just thought id share
ne one have ne comments?
I liked the Indian couple, they looked natrual. Other two girls were simply not ready to get married. There was enourmous pressure from their parents to get them hooked. In the end, both made a wise decision to stay single. Its better not to commit to something that you are not prepared for. I, however, was surprised to see the girl from Texas reject her rishta. She was starting to become more fimiliar with Zeeshan (the guy she was engaged to), but in the end broke it off because his family being religious. Interesting.
the indian guy was so funny tho!! “she complimented my tv right away. that must be a good sign”
but yea… that kinda surprised me too… it looked like her n Zeeshan were doing fine. they got alone, n the families were getting along.
even tho religion is a important thing to consider before marrige, she said in the begining she was hoping that marrying him would help make a better muslim.
I thought this documentary was very very interesting. It turns out that the one who bought the overseas spouse did better than the others. I was kinda rooting for Najwa and Zeeshan... too bad it didnt work out :( But I too was surprised at her for ending it especially since they were already engaged... and she broke it off very close to the actual wedding date... most desis are afraid of "what will people think" and shadi cards are printed so its too late business.... good for her for following her heart!
I didn't watch the show so I'm goign to ask exactly what happened that she decided to put everyone through this drama and break it off so close to the wedding date, after arrangements had been made? If it was that his family wasn't suited towards her and she didn't like the idea of moving away, then what was she blind/deaf the whole time the rishta talks were going on? Or did something really bad happen all of a suddeN that she had to call it off??
She felt that she wasnt being true to herself anymore... that she had to completely readjust her whole lifestyle and change herself to make it work with him... at first she thought she could live like that, and as the wedding date came closer, she realized that she was just rushing into it when she didnt even feel she was being honest with herself and those around her. Something along those lines.. Most people do try to impress the one they'er pursuing, but in her case, I guess she felt like she was just totally acting like something she wasnt....like at one point they showed when his family came over, they were all reading namaz and she snuck in during the middle of it....sort of like she was compelled to participate for the sake of pleasing him and his family... nto so much because she wanted to..
u dont think in the long run they could have come up with a solution tho?
she seemed to be getting along with him n stuff... like she was all excited when she went to go pick him up n stuff... n she was so eager to spend time with him. i dont think those kinda feelings can be forced...
i think it was nothing but cold feet...
I agree... distance from family and level of being religious could have been negotiated... but we only know as much as was shown on TV... there may have been underlying issues.... but from what was shown.... she looked happy.. who knows?
so basically teh guy is sitting there excited that he’ll be getting married soon to a girl he likes..when all of a sudden out of nowhere, he’s dumped. if it’d been a girl who was dumped, we’d all be saying that the guy was a pig, a loser, jerk, etc..anyways good for her for making huge life altering decisions based on blinding emotion (this goes for both accepting the proposal AND dumping him right before hte wedding)…coz u know..we dont want to read another “I hate my husband!” thread here in a few weeks :halo:
Anyways, on a not so serious note: do ppl not think about what they want in a married life? in a partner? I mean, ok going by that girls example, if i saw that my in-laws all did strict purdah, dint go out, had a very restrictive lifestyle, religious etc, well good for them, but i’d stay far away from that type…coz…thats nto the lifestyle I want for myself and even if i do, it won’t be b/c of anyone else’s insistence… i mean its just a suggestion…know yourself first, before u go make such big decisions :pagli:
u dont think in the long run they could have come up with a solution tho?
she seemed to be getting along with him n stuff... like she was all excited when she went to go pick him up n stuff... n she was so eager to spend time with him. i dont think those kinda feelings can be forced...
i think it was nothing but cold feet...
maybe she was just interested in dating him for a few years before figuring out if he really was the one. i don't understand this talk about deadlines for engagement, and once you're engaged, you must marry within a year or so. it puts ridiculous amounts of pressure on the couple. as a parent, wouldn't you rather give your kids as much time as they need to be certain and go into an engagement or marriage, really wanting to be with the other person, rather than rush them into a situation and end up with a broken rishta? it messes with your head.
^ and i totally agree with that last line, sara... know yourself before looking for your mate.
I agree... distance from family and level of being religious could have been negotiated... but we only know as much as was shown on TV... there may have been underlying issues.... but from what was shown.... she looked happy.. who knows?
I don't think degree of religiousness can be negotiated especaially if it is an arrange marriage. If you are brough up with a certain mind set or a certain style or you are very strong on certain beliefs then it is difficult to adjust with a person who is not on the same pace. And it is better to identify before and backing out then realising after and going through a divorce.
And yeah, I too agree with sara that before getting all serious into a relationship know what kind of person you are, what is acceptable, what is not, what you are looking for, etc.
