One of my co-workers have 3 sons, eldest one is a teenager about to graduate from junior high. Whenever the topic of teenage sex comes up, her usual response is ‘I told my sons that celibacy before marriage is great but if he is going to have sex, he better be safe’.
Another co-worker who has a teenage daughter and a son who is not yet a teen, has a totally different approach. She is very strict with her daughter & goes out of her way to get the message across to her that as long as she is under her parents roof she is not having sex.
A recent study tends to support this difference in approach towards sons and daughters. Reference
Discussions between mothers and children were different depending on the child’s gender. “Moms are more likely to admonish their daughters – if you have sex it’s going to hurt your reputation, it’s going to hurt your future. But for sons, they’re more likely to say you need to protect yourself,” said Blum, who said he found this point to be one of the most surprising findings.
Our Pakistani community (weather its those who are living in Pakistan or abroad) by in large, do not have teenage sex as a problem. Though the same notion of treating the girls and boys differently is persistent, specially when it comes to relationships or ‘ishq larana’
I have seen it so many times that when the son does it, he is just “being a man”, or his hormones are kicking in etc. or other such explanations. But in case of the girls its a totally different story. Sometimes it seems like that’s the worst thing she could have done in her life.
Just because you and your friends are invlove in it doesnt mean it happens a lot a lot and a lot.
Thats what all sluts have been telling me, “its common” .. because they believe that entire world is as filthy as the gutter they are living in. Just like a roach who lives in gutter and doesnt know what the clean world is, or that if it even exist.
Aye, and u live in a “clean” “untainted” world Jhankar ji. That’s why you’re chatting on GS with women and girls and homos and ahmediyas rather than hiding under a blanket in a corner of in your “clean” world.
In my opinion, it’s not only on the matter of “ishq larana” or as such, but this difference expands to much more. Such as, not being allowed out, late or even just not being allowed out. On the matter of education, the general attitude is * larki ne agay ghar hi tu jana hai na * so, whats the need of all the education. And I’ve seen this reflecting in our young girls aswell, not that I am a budhi, but anyways, they have an attitude of “I’m gonna be a house wife so whats the point?”
I think all this difference descends from our culture, where the girls are generally looked down on and the boys are given batter priority. Because I think Islam clearly points out the difference between the two sexes and the treatment of girls is given much importance. So much so that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) said that
“the man who raises his daughter well, will be close to me as fingers are close to each other.”
But it is changing with the times. Although still the boys are given opportunities, like they are allowed to “hang out with friends” and given more trust for some reason over girls. This might just come from the mere fact that girls are a * nazukh * species as such, anyways it does exist.
Even though this is not a matter in my family, but with my friends, where there is only one girl and more than one boy, the boys get more reliance from parents than the girl.
I agree, the double standards need to go - but how? I can only think of education...although things are changing in our culture because the ideas of indpendence and importance of the self and gender equality (in terms of social involvement) are influencing Pakistanis. I'm beginning to see more people look for educated girls when rishtaa hunting, and I'm seeing more girls going to college and/or taking jobs.
In terms of flirting, well, the double standard is delusion, i think. We are made to think we've got a double standard, but in reality, girls and guys are both equally active in flirting and acting out sexual energy. Its just that society "pretends" now that girls aren't up to such things...
NOT to say all girls are sluts or anything of course...but, I think there are about as many naik ladies out there as there are men when it comes to sexual stuff. After all, we face the same urges men do.
Societal fads n norms creep n crawl into creeks and soon are diluted by newer reveloutions. Yesterday a guy is forward a girl bashful, today its quite the opposite, now the sexual revolution and then the freedom to express through art where clothing is optional and pointless.
well recently i found out that women hav more control over their emotions then men n trust me i can bet on that .. there is no arguing about it .. so MAYB thats y people expect em to b more in control of wut they do... ?! i kno it sucks big time.. but it is possible.. isnt it? i totally agree with gudiya that women hav emotions too.. but they can control it way better then men can .. dunno y.. but thats how i see it!
I personally think women have more self-control too, but is it genetically induced, or environmentally. Do we control ourselves because people expect us to, and we know that if we dont, we'll be labelled whores? If the same social stress was put on men, would they also change their behavior to "fit in"?
So much bickering and we are still on square one. Tsk, tsk. So typical of us not to find the solution and to open up a new can of worms.
Tell me Ahmadjee. What set of standards do you apply to the females in your home?
This problem can be tackled at the grass root, when we macho slobs, individually, start giving the females around us the respect and the freedom they deserve. We have to stop taking them for granted. They are not another "notch" on our sex charts.
And for all of you that think that girls are "nazuk". Here's an eye opener. These "nazuk creatures" are more emotionally strong than us. (Refer to dictionary for the meaning of the word "emotionally").
Salute to all the mothers, daughters, sisters and wives. Thanks for putting up with us.
lol Google.
You know considering the times we are living in, it’d would be quite appropriate if God decided to put people into heaven based on this signle fact.
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just two pplinvolve in replying yet, let more come… shurugs
