Not a new topic, but maybe a different way to discuss it:
Ladies: would you NOT want to cook and clean and make your house a home for your husband and children?
Men: would you NOT want to go out and make a living for your wife and children and be responsible for providing food and shelter for the family?
Despite how enlightened and advanced we are as a society and how blurry traditional roles have become, I personally hold with the traditional division of labour, albeit with compromises on both sides and each partner helping the other out where and how needed. Does that make me backwards or too traditional?
I hate cooking and cleaning and keeping the house looking nice but it has to be done so I do it. Of course I split the chores pretty much halfway with my husband. I didn't think anyone actually liked cleaning etc but it was just something you have to do?
As for kids, at this point I don't really want any, don't know if I ever will but my husband loves them he finds the things they say and do so fascinating and loves playing with them etc. I think they're cute and what not for a limited period of time but I can't imagine ever taking care of one or even playing with one for longer than 2 mins. I've also been told I'm weird and strange for feeling this way though, and it's not like I'm feeling this way because I'm trying to be not traditional that's just always been the way I felt about kids. I think though that I may be an exception because no one else I know (women) has a similar opinion about kids.
If in this thread with the same title, sehrysh was asking about who should play a dominant role when performing conjugal duties, this thread would be 1 view and 38 replies.
I'm very happy to cook and clean for my fiance. He is a neat freak so there are no issues with cleaning, however I will be doing the majority of the cooking as he loves his food but isn't really in to cooking, although he does help around in the kitchen to keep me company when he is here.
If eventually I did stop working I would do all the cooking/cleaning/household duties, if hubby can work and provide for me then the least I can do is create an environment that he wants to be in when he gets home :)
If in this thread with the same title, sehrysh was asking about who should play a dominant role when performing conjugal duties, this thread would be 1 view and 38 replies.
I know - maybe I need to spice this thread up a bit.
I don't think it really matters who takes which role as long as everything gets done.. If the wife wants to go out and work and her husband would rather stay home I don't think anyone has the right to say it's not acceptable or not decent or whatever.. Me personally I would like both of us to work and share the housework but everyones situation is different so each to their own..
Not a new topic, but maybe a different way to discuss it:
Ladies: would you NOT want to cook and clean and make your house a home for your husband and children?
Men: would you NOT want to go out and make a living for your wife and children and be responsible for providing food and shelter for the family?
Despite how enlightened and advanced we are as a society and how blurry traditional roles have become, I personally hold with the traditional division of labour, albeit with compromises on both sides and each partner helping the other out where and how needed. Does that make me backwards or too traditional?
No, it doesn't make you backward or too traditional. My vote usually tends to go towards efficiency, and I'm assuming that in most homes the traditional demarcation of roles is still usually the most efficient.
I'm interested to hear what the guys have to say about being stay at home dads. I know of two cases. In the first, the guy really took to it and now his wife wants him to go back to work, but he's not interested. The second case ended in divorce. The interesting thing there was that guy used to be the one saying things like 'oh, you women have it lucky. Obviously if us men had the option we would want to stay at home with our kids.'
speaking For myself ... cooking and/or household chores are a reflection of my love and care for my familia. I want to/love to feed the ones I love n I want to keep an inviting, comfortable home for them (and myself). Not sure when/how the home-economic arts became synonymous with submissive housewifery/drudgery.
It sure isn't for me.
Not a new topic, but maybe a different way to discuss it:
Ladies: would you NOT want to cook and clean and make your house a home for your husband and children?
Men: would you NOT want to go out and make a living for your wife and children and be responsible for providing food and shelter for the family?
Despite how enlightened and advanced we are as a society and how blurry traditional roles have become, I personally hold with the traditional division of labour, albeit with compromises on both sides and each partner helping the other out where and how needed. Does that make me backwards or too traditional?
I don't have anything against cooking and cleaning, but I wouldn't want them to become solely my responsibility.
However, the way I have grown up, I am afraid, I will end up becoming one of those women who take those chores on, partly because I'd be better at it than my SO. I will regret doing that, so I have to be conscious of it. Luckily, SO has nothing against cooking and cleaning.
speaking For myself ... cooking and/or household chores are a reflection of my love and care for my familia. I want to/love to feed the ones I love n I want to keep an inviting, comfortable home for them (and myself). Not sure when/how the home-economic arts became synonymous with submissive housewifery/drudgery.
It sure isn't for me.
I'm with you on this 100%! im not married yet, but i love cooking and diy etc, as i lke to make my home presentable and welcoming, and not because i feel that this is what i will have to do once i take on my role as "biwi". I was in talks with a guy about marriage, and his expectations from it, and he said he wants a wife who irons his clothes, and makes his breakfast everyday, does all cooking cleaning, everything in the home basically. I thought it was sort of acceptable seeing as he would probably be the one bringing home the income. However, his next words were "but she has to have a good job as well, i mean times are tough, and both partners should be working if they want a good lifestyle." :S I think he wants to marry a robot. Moral of the story though, although gender-roles are important to keep a balance, BOTH parties should help each other out, if not out of duty, then out of love.
For myself, the responsibilities of maintaining the home and family would fall to whomever could uphold them. I do tend to disagree with the notion that women should be the caretakers of children. There have been numerous studies done to show that a lack of male (role model), interaction with children leads to a myriad of social issues. Rearing the children should be 50/50, and nothing else.
There's only a short period of time in which children need 24 hour care anyway. By the time they're in school, there's no reason anyone should have to stay home. It doesn't take that much effort to clean the home, or to cook a nice dinner. Staying at home and doing labour based work (cleaning is, btw), makes life stagnant. There's no mental stimulation, it's repetitive work, and little else. Even while the children are young,and if the woman decides to stay home to care for them, the man should be putting in as much time as possible for the woman to pursue other activities, outside of the home.
Why do we pigeon hole ourselves into these roles, can someone please explain to me?
I should ask...
If you are a man, would you NOT want to prepare a breakfast for your daughter and son as they're going off to school? Would you rather they starve on the way to school?
If you are a woman, would you not go out there and earn a living to be able to feed and clothe your kids?
Chores are chores people. If we just quit pigeon holing ourselves, and look beyond our domestic responsibilities to our responsibilities in the world, we'd possibly be a more successful race.
Go ahead, in your various permutations, limiting a woman's role to her home, and a man's role to outside the home. We're dying as a society because we've lost out on our most valuable resource : human resources. How many talented women are limited to their domestic duties, its unbelievable to me. And threads like these and conversations like these just cause more and more women to think that their value outside the home is zero.
Believe it or not, both husband and wife can have an active role in society AND keep the dust off their coffee table.
And believe it or not, cooking and cleaning are mindless jobs. Our women can do much more.
I don't think home economics is synonmyous with drudgery. It is synonymous with the female race, and that's quite unfair, because it takes away from a woman's RESPONSIBILITY, and yes I am serious RESPONSIBILITY to the rest of mankind.
A woman's responsibility is NOT JUST HER OWN KIDS. It's also her society, and the quicker we moronic desis realize it, the quicker our country will rise out of ridiculous poverty of naked kids running around on the streets of Karachi covered in mud.
We need to mobilize our race to work harder, and to generate more economic opportunity and that's not happening as long as 50% of your country is sitting at home and not getting an edu-ma-cation, and an opportunity to prove themselves.
No, Serysh, does not make you backwards at all. But Im hoping that your idea of making a house a home is more than just 'cooking and cleaning'...RAISING children is the toughest job. Many times people associate 'cooking and cleaning' for a woman as the exclusive 'excuse' of her being home. For one, i dont think its an 'excuse', ever, and secondly i think referring to it as 'cooking and cleaning' is cutting a woman short of what she is really offering by serving a traditional role of being a homemaker.
There is nothing wrong whatsoever with working women, as long as she is balancing her homemaker role alongside, as should the man. But I personally have a problem when I see women who like to throw the burden of 'raising' children to outside sources and assume that they are 'less needed' (Ex: my child goes to school, so i dont have to teach him/her such and such, OR he/she will learn such and such on their own or from school or friends..etc.) Its YOUR child and its YOUR responsibility and duty in RAISING them, not just REARING them.
If life was as ideal as it could be, I would have preferred to be more homely than I chose to be. I think there is a lot of peace in gender roles.
However, it isn't. Given that, I would want to make my house a home, keep it clean etc. in conjunction with my husband. Not alone. Of course, I will take up the sewing while he changes the light bulbs.
Furthermore, in my mind I have the option of quitting my career. I don't think the same for my future husband. So yeah, I do believe in gender roles being better, ideally. However, I follow them only partially.
I think expectations are changing from both wife and husband. I expect my husband to help me do all the chores because we both work and have the responsibility of taking care of our child. We both clean, do laundary, vacum, grocery shopping etc etc.. he cooks a little less than I do but he is always willing to help me if he is home with me. It would be ideal for us for him to be the provider and me take care of our house and kids but with this economy we both have to go out and work for now.