Tradgedy?

[star4u]

Re: Tradgedy?

Hmm, I thought a bit of whether or not to reply to this post but this is what I suggest (the least thing she can do): if she wants to marry the well-off guy, tell the truth about her love affair and see if he is still willing if not bad luck. But you never know, some guys out west are very open-minded (reasons can be discussed in another thread).

ALAS LOVE MARRIAGES :@

disagree, no man, from the east or west, will not like it if teh girl he marries has had any relationship with another guy in the past

the girls put her self in such situation and she shouldnt have gone behind her parents back. only choice is to marry her bf as no other guy would accept her if they find out about her bf. so only choice she has is to tell her parents and then leave the rest to the parents.

why do people go behind parents back in the first place and then think of the consequences when theyve done the harm, so silly really

[Ashy2010]

Re: Tradgedy?

If your friend is considering this other proposal for whatever reason (her parents being religious, izzat of the guy's family or the guy being the perfect match for her), I think she does not 'love' her bf. It might just be liking, friendship, infatuation, crush etc which got cleared by the emergence of this perfect arranged rishta. Her emotional attachment or love to her bf is questionable which is clear from her confusion when she gets this perfect guy through arranged setting. If she herself has been clear that she loved her bf, she would have definitely NOT considered this arranged proposal despite of all the problems mentioned since guys and girls are usually prepared to face many difficulties in getting their love if they truly love the person.

She is the one to clear her mind first. If she really thinks she loves her bf, then shes doesn't need to consider this proposal, should discuss her relationship and going out thing with her parents and should marry the bf even if he is not well off. She should be able to support her bf if she loves him even he is not well off. When you truly love somebody, you don't think whether the guy is well off or not or if the other guy is better than your bf. If she is unable to do anything for her 'love', she should say yes to this arranged proposal. Girls do get out with their male friends these days and if she did not cross her limits when she was with her bf, she can lightly mention this friendship to the guy in arranged marriage. She won't be unfair to him since if she married him, this meant she did not love her bf and I don't think we need to give clarifications to our husbands on our infatuations, crushes etc.

[Khumar]

Re: Tradgedy?

disagree, no man, from the east or west, will not like it if teh girl he marries has had any relationship with another guy in the past

Disagree. A real man wouldn't really care.

[Shak]

Re: Tradgedy?

@star4u

disagree, no man, from the east or west, will not like it if teh girl he marries has had any relationship with another guy in the past

aap ne baith ke survey kiya hai?

If you’re a guy speak for yourself, if you’re a woman then you don’t know what guys will or will not do.

As for ‘‘parents back’’, its the two people who will live their lives with each other. If they like each other and want to marry then they can get to know each other and then let the parents know, don’t try to twist this is as by saying ‘‘this is going behind parents’ back’'.

So ironic in our society, zindagi saath ladkay ladki ne guzaarni hoti hai aik doosray kay saath uun ko koi masla nahi hota, but the people who wouldn’t even see let alone live with the couple much uun ko sab se zyada masla hota hai

[NomiCA]

Re: Tradgedy?

I thought only men did this…

@Reha

When you lot date and court the opposite sex…do you ask your parents? Then WHY all of a sudden is parental approval so necessary when you’re tying the knot? Jab dating karte hein tab to poochte nahin…shaadi ke vaqt ek dam se bheegi billi…“ammi ji, shaadi karloon?”

She should basically run away with her ‘Lover’…or get married to that guy …simple

[Pakilarka]

Re: Tradgedy?

@redrozez

Well here goes ...my friend she is 23 a age where parents are looking for rishtas deciding on the future etc...they have found a really nice family very decent very loving everything is perfect nothing seems wrong with the guy at all. Now the twist to the story is that she has been in love with another guy for over 3 years now they are close and do get to go out sometimes without the knowledge of the parents. This guy is not that well off meaning he doesn't have a great job, no real place where they could move in his parents live in an appartment i think, and since the girls family is very religious the guy isn't all that either. So now with this perfect rishta on her head she is confused what to do, she cant speak out as it would make things worse parents being religious and all and she doesn;t want that the guys parents be insulted on anything. Should she just say yes and not let her love be tarnished by bad words? or like what other choices does she have?

Well this isnt tragedy, it will be a tragedy if her husband finds her dead when he enters the room on wedding night.

[KayZ]

Re: Tradgedy?

Disagree. A real man wouldn't really care.

some men dont care but what do you mean by "real man". i think it just varies from person to person.

[star4u]

Re: Tradgedy?

@Shak09

aap ne baith ke survey kiya hai?

If you’re a guy speak for yourself, if you’re a woman then you don’t know what guys will or will not do.

As for ‘‘parents back’’, its the two people who will live their lives with each other. If they like each other and want to marry then they can get to know each other and then let the parents know, don’t try to twist this is as by saying ‘‘this is going behind parents’ back’'.

So ironic in our society, zindagi saath ladkay ladki ne guzaarni hoti hai aik doosray kay saath uun ko koi masla nahi hota, but the people who wouldn’t even see let alone live with the couple much uun ko sab se zyada masla hota hai

ExcusEme shak, I am not twisting anything. If they are not going behind their parents back then how come her parents don’t know anything .

And by the wAy even if the future husband says he has no problem with her having past relationship with another guy, later on he will keep reminding and taunting her about her past and could use that excuse to leave her.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Tradgedy?

it is very easy to say it shouldnt matter or wouldnt matter. esp what i have seen in girls these days they dont think its an issue at all but the danagerous thing is what will they do when their assumption is wrong. if a girl said i dont think my husband will care, and he ends up making a big deal out of the pre-marital affair issue. what will she do then? or if a girl said i wont mind if my husband had a pre-marital affair, then what will she do when she finds out and indeed gets really upset?

naturally it is very easy to have opinions and stand by them in life but the real issue is what on earth we do when someone challenges them?

anyhow,
any examples of wives telling on theirs affairs, crushes or whatever to their husbands and their husband's reactions? we see the vice versa example from the thread starter, but i looking for the wife specific example?

wife: oh btw i used to love someone else before i got married to you, but since you were well off, and etc and etc and etc i married you

husband: affair? oh really w/e

or

AFFAIR? WTF?

[Shak]

Re: Tradgedy?

@star4u

And by the wAy even if the future husband says he has no problem with her having past relationship with another guy, later on he will keep reminding and taunting her about her past and could use that excuse to leave her.

Then there is something wrong with him then isn’t it yeh kaho instead of maligning every man

[Khumar]

Re: Tradgedy?

some men dont care but what do you mean by "real man". i think it just varies from person to person.

The definition of a real man doesn't vary from person to person.

@star4u

ExcusEme shak, I am not twisting anything. If they are not going behind their parents back then how come her parents don't know anything .

And by the wAy even if the future husband says he has no problem with her having past relationship with another guy, later on he will keep reminding and taunting her about her past and could use that excuse to leave her.

If he has a problem with her having a relationship after he says he doesn't have a problem then he has no right to leave her for it. Agar itni hi bari problem thi to pehlay kyon nahin muun phoota keh nahin behan tumhara kisi aur kay saath chakar chal raha tha, main nahin shadi kar sakta ab. How the hell did he find the balls after marriage to reject her past? Idiots.

@ShahreyarKhan

it is very easy to say it shouldnt matter or wouldnt matter. esp what i have seen in girls these days they dont think its an issue at all but the danagerous thing is what will they do when their assumption is wrong. if a girl said i dont think my husband will care, and he ends up making a big deal out of the pre-marital affair issue. what will she do then? or if a girl said i wont mind if my husband had a pre-marital affair, then what will she do when she finds out and indeed gets really upset?

naturally it is very easy to have opinions and stand by them in life but the real issue is what on earth we do when someone challenges them?

anyhow, any examples of wives telling on theirs affairs, crushes or whatever to their husbands and their husband's reactions? we see the vice versa example from the thread starter, but i looking for the wife specific example?

wife: oh btw i used to love someone else before i got married to you, but since you were well off, and etc and etc and etc i married you

husband: affair? oh really w/e

or

AFFAIR? WTF?

Affair: DEFINITION: a sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other

Let's for arguments sake assume they just met for coffee for 2 hours every month. No sexual relationship. Also, there isn't anything wrong with a guy or a girl to find out their own marriage partner. Islam has given them this right. So who are you to deny them this right given to them by Allah himself?

Second. How about you speak for yourself if you want real life examples. You're a guy (assuming). If a perfectly good potential comes to you, and tells you that I thought I was going to get married to this guy, but due to circumstances, it didn't work out. Will you reject her? You get married to her, and then she tells you, will you divorce her even though she's been nothing but a perfect wife to you?

If a husband does that, everyone would tell the wife forget it, it's in the past. The main thing is that he loves you. If a fiance did that, same advice. A potential rishta, same advice given to the girl. Then why have double standards for the other girl** if she has done nothing wrong**?

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Tradgedy?

@Murgi

Affair: DEFINITION: a sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other

Let's for arguments sake assume they just met for coffee for 2 hours every month. No sexual relationship. Also, there isn't anything wrong with a guy or a girl to find out their own marriage partner. Islam has given them this right. So who are you to deny them this right given to them by Allah himself?

Second. How about you speak for yourself if you want real life examples. You're a guy (assuming). If a perfectly good potential comes to you, and tells you that I thought I was going to get married to this guy, but due to circumstances, it didn't work out. Will you reject her? You get married to her, and then she tells you, will you divorce her even though she's been nothing but a perfect wife to you?

If a husband does that, everyone would tell the wife forget it, it's in the past. The main thing is that he loves you. If a fiance did that, same advice. A potential rishta, same advice given to the girl. Then why have double standards for the other girl** if she has done nothing wrong**?

See, first of all affair does not mean sexual relationship only. Anyhow, I did not mean anything physical to begin with in this particular case. By affair I mean a girl had a boyfriend and a guy had a girlfriend, they could have hugged kisses and that’s about it.

But your example of 2 hours every month seems far fetched and your remark about what Islam allows has wrong application. Indeed Islam does give us the right to choose whoever we want. And I or anyone is at no authority to deny or deprive what has been allowed to us. But the way you said someone seeks a partner is very questionable. First if all if you are meeting a namehram at coffee shop alone without your mehram’s knowledge that’s wrong right there. Lets say you did tell your brother or father, meeting a namehram alone without their presence is wrong not allowed. Plenty of reasons and explanations can be given in this regard. One is the same reason you cannot go to Hajj or umrah without a mehram.

For your second part, I would not take my example. But the situation you mentioned is different than the one I am talking about. If some girl thought she was going to marry someone else is nothing compared to saying “I thought I was gonna marry my bf” girls get multiple ristas so what is she thought she was going to marry X but now marrying Y. to answer your question: if a ‘reasonable character guy’ sees a rishta and the she girl says I thought I was gonna marry this other guy. Then the reasonable character guy should ask do you still want to marry this other guy, if yes he should go if not their see the rishta. BUT on the other hand if girl tells him I have a bf and I thought I was gonna marry him instead of you but now you came along etc etc. then this guy should ask do you still want to marry him? Or yes, he should leave, if not then he should ask to what extent was your relationship with him? Emotional? Physical? If yes he should leave.

Now this situation arising after marriage is a totally different ball game and needs another lengthy discussion.

In regards of double standards, I totally agree with you. There should not be double standards and both guy and girl should be equally accountable. But these double standards do exist and are true. Nothing can be done about them. Discussion of this is also another lengthy topic.

[Sara516]

Re: Tradgedy?

@star4u

And by the wAy even if the future husband says he has no problem with her having past relationship with another guy, later on he will keep reminding and taunting her about her past and could use that excuse to leave her.

Not really. Dunno what kinda guys you know but there ARE some men and women who won't throw a person's past in their spouse's face

They're called secure and confident individuals. :)

[KayZ]

Re: Tradgedy?

@Murgi

**The definition of a real man doesn't vary from person to person.

**

I meant to say that this behaviour varies from person to person (not the defination of a real man). And dont even know what defination of real man is and thats why asked you to explain.

[el_topo]

Re: Tradgedy?

I can't work out what is happening in this thread, and I don't really care. However this just made me grin so hard my teeth hurt;

@Murgi

Agar itni hi bari problem thi to pehlay kyon nahin muun phoota keh...

<3<3<3
I am going to steal this expression and try to work it into every conversation. Something along the lines of:
me: are you hungry?
mr topo: yeah
me: to pehlay kyon nahin munn phoota!

me; are you cold?
mr topo: yes
me: to pehlay kyon nahin munn phoota!

ad nauseam.

[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Tradgedy?

^^^^^^:rotfl:

[Gaia]

Re: Tradgedy?

After 3 years of "love" shouldn't his job, religious views, and living situation be figured out? And because these things are still hanging in the air and she's still confused about this guy, it seems like there is nothing serious. If she and the guy were serious there would be no question as to if they were or were not getting married.