Well here goes …my friend she is 23 a age where parents are looking for rishtas deciding on the future etc…they have found a really nice family very decent very loving everything is perfect nothing seems wrong with the guy at all. Now the twist to the story is that she has been in love with another guy for over 3 years now they are close and do get to go out sometimes without the knowledge of the parents. This guy is not that well off meaning he doesn’t have a great job, no real place where they could move in his parents live in an appartment i think, and since the girls family is very religious the guy isn’t all that either. So now with this perfect rishta on her head she is confused what to do, she cant speak out as it would make things worse parents being religious and all and she doesn;t want that the guys parents be insulted on anything. Should she just say yes and not let her love be tarnished by bad words? or like what other choices does she have?
Re: Tradgedy?
Hmm, I thought a bit of whether or not to reply to this post but this is what I suggest (the least thing she can do): if she wants to marry the well-off guy, tell the truth about her love affair and see if he is still willing if not bad luck. But you never know, some guys out west are very open-minded (reasons can be discussed in another thread).
ALAS LOVE MARRIAGES :@
Re: Tradgedy?
Why can't the guy just send his rishta to her without really saying they've gone out? If her parents are really that religious then they should understand that job isn't the main requirment for a rishta, it's the seerat of a person and how that person is.
On the other hand, she has to be practical. If the guy has a future, the one she is in love with then she should pursue the rishta through the proper means. If it's just a silly love thing then she needs to consider the other guy.
Re: Tradgedy?
Well here goes ...my friend she is 23 a age where parents are looking for rishtas deciding on the future etc...they have found a really nice family very decent very loving everything is perfect nothing seems wrong with the guy at all. Now the twist to the story is that she has been in love with another guy for over 3 years now they are close and do get to go out sometimes without the knowledge of the parents. This guy is not that well off meaning he doesn't have a great job, no real place where they could move in his parents live in an appartment i think, and since the girls family is very religious the guy isn't all that either. So now with this perfect rishta on her head she is confused what to do, she cant speak out as it would make things worse parents being religious and all and she doesn;t want that the guys parents be insulted on anything. Should she just say yes and not let her love be tarnished by bad words? or like what other choices does she have?
First of all she has to find out if this other guy , she goes out is in love with her too ? He might be just having good times with her. If yes , then he needs to be man enough and ask her hand in marriage from her parents and they both have to take a stand. If parents are really religious then they should know better that Islam mandates that they need girls permission to marry her off to someone. They cannot marry her off to someone she does not love and like.
Re: Tradgedy?
Why can't the guy just send his rishta to her without really saying they've gone out? If her parents are really that religious then they should understand that job isn't the main requirment for a rishta, it's the seerat of a person and how that person is.
On the other hand, she has to be practical. If the guy has a future, the one she is in love with then she should pursue the rishta through the proper means. If it's just a silly love thing then she needs to consider the other guy.
How can you talk about seerat and lying to parents in the same post?
Re: Tradgedy?
tragedy*
Re: Tradgedy?
That isn't lying. Withholding unnecessary information that may hurt the parents isn't lying. Parents don't need to know they've gone out. It's not like hiding your qualifications or criminal background or previous marriages that can have a negative impact on the life of the future spouse.
What murgi is saying would be what I'd suggest as well.
If the guy doesn't have a good job at this point but has the qualifications and potential to earn a decent life, he can very well send in a proposal. All he needs to do is involve some friends who can recommend this to his parents, or if he is close to his parents, confide in them and inform them that he likes this girl and would like to marry her.
Regarding his religious involvement, well that's really between the girl and him, but if he is a decent guy I don't think it would be an issue.
Re: Tradgedy?
One guy is everything the parents want and the other is the whole opposite, but regardless of the parents' requirements, your friend should also consider those elements and not be just blindly in love : is he building his future ? does he care enough about her to send his parents to propose ? is he even thinking about getting married ? in all, is he a grown up or a late teenager having some fun ?
Re: Tradgedy?
How can you talk about seerat and lying to parents in the same post?
I just did :)
And lying isn't the biggest sin in the world.
Re: Tradgedy?
If she knew her parents were religious and wudnt approve her looking into anything,she shouldnt have gone ahead and gotten close to the guy or mourn over the sad ending of her love story.
its her call, she can fight if she thinks the guy is all that good .
i think she was immature.yes i am being judgemental.
Re: Tradgedy?
How can you talk about seerat and lying to parents in the same post?
They do not have to lie , they do not have to mention it.
How
He sends a rishta and she says that she prefers him over the rich guy.
Re: Tradgedy?
I just did :)
And lying isn't the biggest sin in the world.
God help you then.
And for the rest: Hiding the truth is considered lying whether it hurts or not.
If you justify 'hiding love affair' and do not justify 'hiding qualifications', then I say you have double standards.
Re: Tradgedy?
God help you then.
And for the rest: Hiding the truth is considered lying whether it hurts or not.
Only if you are on a witness stand. In every other situation it will not be considered lying because you are not divulging more information than is needed for the purpose.
Re: Tradgedy?
Pyar kiya to darna kya.
Re: Tradgedy?
something relevant
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/499867-to-all-the-married-women.html
“lets say if you find out after marriage that your husband had dated in the past? How would you react to that? specifically if he told you he never did
Also what if you find out the girl he went out with was totally trashy and drank. How would you react to that?
This happened to me and now my opinion of my husband has changed. I don’t feel the same about him , am I being silly or is my reaction justified? so first he dated before we got married, and on top of it he went out with that kind of girl.”
Re: Tradgedy?
eik to log pehlay aisay kaam start kartay howay ksi ko bata-tay b nahi aor jab gar bar honay lagti hay to phir poochtay hein k ab kia karu :)
Re: Tradgedy?
Only if you are on a witness stand. In every other situation it will not be considered lying because you are not divulging more information than is needed for the purpose.
In all logical sense: The decision of what information is needed and what is not rests in the hands of the person who is doing the decision making. The individual who is giving the information cannot justify what information is extra to the person who is needing it.
Re: Tradgedy?
In all logical sense: The decision of what information is needed and what is not rests in the hands of the person who is doing the decision making. The individual who is giving the information cannot justify what information is extra to the person who is needing it.
Me lord , her parents do not get to decide who she marries , she decides who she want to marry , and if she hides any information to make that easy on her , it is her prerogative , not her parents , they are being samaj key dewar in between two love birds.
Re: Tradgedy?
omg, read from the beginning again.
Re: Tradgedy?
why is she confuse? she should talk to her current bf and ask him directly that in all fairness can he keep her and himself happy? and if he says he needs time then ask him how much he needs?
if his plans involve survival in caves then ask his strategies and technical skills that he would be needed in order to survive in caves. if she finds his ideas exciting and willing to give-up her current comforting life then wait for him to share his dream.