Totally Confused

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Totally Confused

thnks all fr ur response i greatly appreciate it

Desi QT--my sister has long distance n she wont pop anything i trust her more thn myself.my parents have given us good morals its just u cnt help feeling wat u feel for sumone.if feelings were so easy to earse world would be a completely difrent place.

janwar--i gota say u seeing just one perspective i have seen gurls getting married at 16 n as they grow up they relaise they need to find themselves as to who they are as any other gurl faces this in their life.every one has a |maksad| to cuminto this world n everyone has totake a journet wid their inner self todiscover themselves...i feel till u dunt knw in life who u are u wld never knw wat or how u cn contribute ina relationship to make it stronger (both fr men & women) till they dunt take this journey wid themselves they shldnt be married.Cause u may believe it or not Allah has given so many things to women tht now they have realised tht their role is more thn just being a home maker.

As for mcpendo ur sarcasm would be whole heartidly accepted if it dosnt hurt anyones feelings.Prophet Muhammad used to say think before u say something...think many time...think if wat u say is gona hurt ppl n if u feel it may even a lil thn dont say it..! doing such small gud thing gets us closer to our Allah...isnt it :)

Lastly thank u guys...My sister is a darling i shared this so tht i get perspective n i surely got some ideas.I wont tell my mom as for now n continue my attempts to talk to her.

Please feel free to post further comments ill definately read

Sincerely Grateful...

Pakistan's Drones
22

Re: Totally Confused

Cute girl,

You said that the guy your sister is interested in "WAS" a Hindu. So, does this mean he is no longer a Hindu? Has he converted to Islam?

It seems to me....based on your post.....that your parents have educated you about Islam. Talk to your sister about the basic Islamic rules regarding marriage. Among these basic rules are that the guy HAS to be Muslim for the marriage to be considered valid in Islam. And if the guy is not Muslim.......the marriage is not recognized.......and in this case......all that follows and takes place in such a relationship......including physical intimacy/children become illegitimate.

I understand all to well that it is hard to control your feelings. If it were so easy to fall for the "right" person.......there would be fewer problems and complications in life, :) However, your sister needs to reflect upon how such a relationship could have a negative domino effect on other aspects of her life. Talk to her. Encourage her to find help/peace through prayer. Perhaps she needs a break from this guy to sort out her emotions.

23

Re: Totally Confused

first of all ask that is she ready to convert to hinduism?
if no, then is he going to convert to Islam?
if no then eloping and having a court marriage is an option? (and also ask her to evaluate that how does she want this marriage to last? and what religion her kids will adopt? and is she agree not to be accepted by her potential in-laws? and also is she agrees with her kids getting marrying to hindu girl/guy?)

just keep all these options and evaluations in front of her, and tell her that there is a difference between infatuation and LOUVE.

if she still stick to her infatuation, then ask her to ask the guy to send his proposal via parents. and if they are in India, then is she agree to live there as a minority?

mean while tell your parents about her stupidity.

24

Re: Totally Confused

The parents should be made aware of the situation. Cutegurl, you have to live with your conscious in the end. Be truthful.

25

Re: Totally Confused

Why all this talk about getting married when he has not yet even proposed and I don't think he ever will.

26

Re: Totally Confused

:hehe: sweet!

Jaanwar certainly is a broad term, somebody fit in the ‘pig’ word too.

Sweethearts, first deserve then desire. To deserve love and respect you got to earn it, and then you will get it. Date hindu boys and you get locked up and starved. And that, dear feministas, is just the beginning.

Edit: I believe in kind treatment towards women, as long as they behave, and make their man a sammich when he needs one.

PS: oink.

27

Re: Totally Confused

CG, I can understand your position being difficult because you dont wnat to betray your sister but dont want to lie to your mother anymore either.

Here is my suggestion:

Reason with your sister BUT use a little tough love too. When you're in love, you lose the ability to look at the bigger picture...and I feel she has.

Tell her to talk to your mother asap...or you will. Give her an ultimatum and force her to talk to your mother or drop this guy...only because its her battle and she has to fight it. You cant tattle on her but you can make it where she has to spill the beans or leave the guy.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do...and its not always pretty.

28

Re: Totally Confused

I think you should tell your mum. Thing is, she's gonna be gutted when she finds out about it, and double gutted when she finds out you knew and hid it from her aswell.

29

Re: Totally Confused

I agree with KP. Do not hide anything from your mother. In the short term your elder sister might get pissed off at you but in the long run you are family and she would get over it. Uski zindagi ka sawal hai, stop joking around and do something.

30

Re: Totally Confused

I am going to buck the trend of comments here..

Look at it from the eyes of her sister .. she has fallen in love with a hindu guy, ok maybe would have better to have found a muslim guy but can you really help who you fall in love with?

This relationship looks like it is serious as they seem to be maintaining a long distance relationship when they could easily have broken it off

My personal opinion is You do not dob on (report) siblings which may cause negative consequences

There are a whole host of possibilities of repercussions for your sister by you telling your parents that me and you have no idea about.. violence/estrangement/emotional abuse/forced marriage....

How do you really know it will be just be an emotional hurt for your mum and nothing else

Put yourself in your sisters shoes.. would she have done the same to you?

I think it is up to your sister to decide how to deal with this and for her to deal with the consequences, if you take the action of deciding for her you might not be so keen to take accountability for the hurt your sister may feel or any damage this will cause in her future life

I accept it's not fair on your mum, but there have always been secrets from parents and kids.. from who broke the greenhouse window to knowing your sister wants to marry a hindu..

I hope your sister can make a clear decision but you need to support her to decide not threaten..

Guess the song game
31

Re: Totally Confused

i dunno how it happens...
You know u cant marry a guy and u fall in love with him. Your Parents your religion no one allows that yet you fall in love with this guy......... If you r willing to leave ur parents and religion its okay however am very sure she would call herself muslim even after marrying a hindu guy.I was always unable to understand this issue....

What if u fall in love with a monkey ?
ohhhh sorry you cant.......
why not ?
what do you mean why not ? its an animal... you know we cant fall in love with an animal .....
But i thought love is blind.........I guess Love isnt that blind after all..... Plz fall in love with one you can marry !!!!!!!! Thanku

32

Totally agree, esp with the bit in bold, have heard lots of horror stories of girls being beaten and pushed/blackmailed/forced into marriages to 'fix' these situations. (Anyone remember that Bengali woman who was taken 'back home' and dumped in a psychiatric hospital when her parents found out she had a Hindu bf, it was in the news a while back).

To the OP pls think carefully before doing anything that can have such serious consequences. It's a long distance relationship so it may just fizzle out anyway and at least there's (hopefully) no danger of her getting pregnant etc. Sit down and have a deep discussion with her, ask her to be honest about where she sees this relationship going, is she going to become a Hindu, would he become Muslim or just stay as they are etc, point out the practical difficulties so it makes her think twice. At the end of the day tho it is her decision, wouldn't panic tho as she's still quite young and these long distance things rarely last long enough to result in actual marriage..

Tum se kehna tha..
33

Re: Totally Confused

Jaanwar, would ur attitude be different if ur son was dating a Hindu girl?

34

*You're not allowed to use those words here!! *

so hush your face hehehehe :):):)

35

PakiLarka..
Teri biwi ne gaday se shaadi kar li hai to why can't someone marry a monkey :)

Guess the sound!
36

Re: Totally Confused

yaar kisi ney app ko roka ?

My point was simple.... its not love its desperation for love that you have to find someone that ur parents or religion doesnt approve.

Baba Bulleh Shah... one more
37

Life is never black and white and I agree with you that it is key that you can keep your imaan strong and that is difficult when you marry someone with differing beliefs in faith but that still does not move me away from the point that you cannot help who you fall in love with....

38

i guess gays do have a good reason after all for why they r into guys.....
and What can a poor priest do if he falls in love with a young kid ? its not his fault. LOVE IS BLIND !!!!!

39

Re: Totally Confused

PakiLarka,
A poor priest doesn't fall in love with a young kid.. that is called lust..
Gays - That again does not constitute love, that is a preference of sex not love..

I am really confused here on what you define as love as in my eyes the above two are not in any way relative to love..

Maybe you can help me understand more clearly your view on what love is.. I'd really appreciate it..

Timepass - November 2013
40

sorry posted twice.