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Lifestyle Relationships
1

So I’ve been feeling pretty down today regarding the whole rishta issue. I liked the guy obviously, our families were happy, and I genuinely thought we would have progressed as husband and wife. Has anyone ever been in this position before? How did you deal with it and move on?

2

I can't remember...what was wrong with your rishta again?

3

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Revealed his past to me.

4

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what was his past? Is he a changed man now? Would you prefer a husband who reveals his past or keeps it a secret?

5

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Numerous sexual relationships, couple of them being interracial. If he hadn't revealed it, I wasn't going to ask about it. When we were set up, he did say he had been single 'for a while'. And I never asked for details. However, last week he mentioned the details completely unprovoked.

6

How long were you guys talking for before you found out about his scandalous past?

7

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3 months. Constant communication at that. Hit it off straight away.

8

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I thought it was his mentality about these things that turned you off, not the past alone?

9

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The major issue was the past. I feel the mentality issue was my cloudy judgement of arguments that had stemmed from the main issue.

10

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Was that the only thing? Did you feel you wouldn't be compatible in many other ways?

11

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I believed we were compatible in every way. The whole past issue was brought to light and my perception of him changed. I ended things after a few days. It's just difficult, 3 months of constant communication, long term expectations and aspirations from both parties, and it was all over pretty quickly. I've never dated before and was really happy I had found my match without doing things my family and faith would find disapproving.

12

No matter what the reasons were for breaking it off, you have done so. I am assuming there is no going back so give it some time and Inshallah you will be fine. His past is obviously a dealbreaker for you so the fact that you guys were compatible in other ways is irrelevant.

13

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So whats your reason for rejecting a man with a sexual history... Religion, STD's or something else?

14

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Poor guy wanted to have a halal relationship for once . . . but anyways there are plenty of fish out there .

15

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So are you still interested in him or is it just the abruptness of that bothers you?

16

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His past was bound to come out, if not now then may be after marriage. Its good that you came to know it, even if you were not interested to know. I believe that the partners should reveal their past at the beginning of the relationship, so no one feels cheated afterwards. There is no correct or right path out of this situation, some people are strong enough to forget the past and look towards future, other simply cannot. Both are right in their own way.

17

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He can most definitely have a halal relation with someone who is ok with pre marital relations. A woman who stayed away from this, you should not even be saying this to her.

18

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Just remember that Allah swt has kept the pure males for the pure females and the impure males for the impure females. Therefore he has kept someone pure and untouched for you as well. Just be patient and trust Allah and thank him for protecting you from this guy who's "been there, done that."A guy whose never been with any girl before will think you're the best thing that's ever happened to him (therefore no comparisons to other girls). So wouldn't you prefer that?

I know it's tough, when you set ur heart on a rishta and it doesn't work out (happened to me so many times!) but at the end I got a sweet Prince Charming who thinks I'm the best thing out there :) mA. So it all works out in the end! Alhumdulillah!

19

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Religion, Culture, Personal perception.

20

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Mutual attraction lead to 'feelings' and a growing affection. Communicating with eachother became a routine. Things ended badly. There was no closure either.