So lately I call my wife to be back in Pakistan a fair bit. Once a day for sure. And she always thought that my mum might mind that we’re talking so much on the phone. I was a bit dumbstruck and wondering why on earth would my mum think that. So I asked her (my mum) and she said something that pretty much equated to “LOL no wth”
I relayed this back to my fiance and she said cool. But now HER mum minds if I call everyday. Is this common? Why? If two people are to be bonded to spend their entire lives whats the harm in them talking everyday?
On the flip side, it is possible maybe she dosen’t want to talk and is thus pinning it on her mum. Not that I think that but hey, never know.
You guys are engaged....and it's possible that her mom doesn't want you two to talk often because she fears that too much talking might lead to arguments/misunderstandings or that there'd be a "less" of a charm after marriage if you have too much interaction prior to it. Some elders do feel this way. Just a guess. I know it's easier said than done/tolerated.....but some amount of distance/space is healthy for a relationship.
Yeah thats what I've heard too. Fair call. But to be honest I think its a bit of a silly reason (this is just my opinion ofcourse, which is obviously not all that matters) I mean if two people are doing long distance wouldn't you atleast want to talk everyday considering you wont see each other for atleast a year and half or more. Distance is good in a relationship, but the physical distance I assumed would be enough to warrant a check in the distance box in the relationship. We're only 10834kms apart :( **
Some amount of physical distance in a relationship is healthy too.
If her mom doesn't want you to call....then there ARE other modes of communication. For example, email/messaging. Or how about you two figure out another time for calling...where perhaps her mom wouldn't be as involved.
Talking from experience, the lesser the communication during engagement period, the better it is. Just a fair amount would let you know whether you want to spend your life with him/her or not but too much will lead to unnecessary information sharing & stupid arguments.
Its best you leave more communication till the end and keep it minimal for now. My relation was long distance as well and we kept it to 2-3 days in a week for the major part and 4-5 days for the later part.
Yes, it is common in decent families. you should consider yourself lucky that you have good people around you. Long distance relationship is tough to carry and everyone cant handle the pressure of loneliness. If you are in fiance relationshiop, I will assume that you have already done with get to know phase. Now, you should need to wait for your nikkah.
dudette: you are 100% right and I also think same.
Parents don’t pinpoint things because they enjoy being intruders. They do it out of concern.
Experience of most married couples & elders says that the lesser the communication the healthier it is for the relation, before you are together. It is NOT that they are deprived of a dog!
theyr are right .. u dont need to talk everyday .. ull say things whihc are not needed and might get into fights and have miunderstandings .. save soem charm for the marriage
I dont know its difficult. On one hand I believe a couple should have atleast this much of undertanding of each other before marriage so that they are not ruining the initial period after marriage in attempt to "understand" each other. But well, since your or her Mom doesnt want it this frequent, maybe this is what you people should follow, because mothers are never wrong. Just plan your marriage sooner :@:
Dear CoughCough... based on my experience, i would say its much much much better if you keep your communication frequency low. After my engagement, i used to talk to my fiancee daily, i would say 2-3 hours of chat/messaging/calls and skype every weekend. Now just after 8 months, we are having so much arguments and issues over small small things that i feel like engagement may come to an end.
My family always advised me to keep the contact less before engagement, and same was point of view of her side. But we both had argument that when we have to live all life together then whats the harm.. we will just get to know each other better... Arghhhh that was lame argument... We developed the habit of going into silly arguments and now result is, we are talking very less and there are misunderstandings and apparently lack of respect. Interesting thing is, we dont have any major dispute, she says i dont respect and trust her, same i say for her, just a silly blame game.
I would advise you to be patient in communication, and then you will earn respect. Its a key for a healthy relationship and after marriage you will never regret showing patience :)
P.S. We are also like 4000 miles apart. Hence it is a long distance engagement.
Just one question for the readers..Is it possible for me to undo the damage? :(
to obey their commands…