Im a newbie, have been a passive reader of paklinks for a long time but now i am facing a dilemma and need advice from both male and female perspectives
I recently got engaged to a wonderful guy & im really happy Alhumdulillah, however, i feel my fiance is too blunt sometimes and doesnt really consider the impact of his words on others
Now im not an overly sensitive person, but i dont know how to handle the situation when hes blunt with his words to me, it can be hurtful at times, he says hes not one to keep silent when he doesnt agree with something, however there has to be a better way to get your point across right…???
if a person is sincere, a whole lot can be changed :)
talk to him. its great that he voices his opinions, but tell him to do it tactfullly. although i wish we could all just say what we mean without having to sugar coat it all, takes forever and sometimes even the meaning is lost.
but ya... if he is hurting your feelings, than talk to him bout it. he can change so much with sweet words rather than sour ones.
ask him to be tactful but believe me blunt is a lot better than sugarcoated lies.
But haan medium hona chahiye insan ko.
talk it over with him…talking it here won’t help…it’s HIM you need to talk to.
Well An example am gona give is not a couples thing but
We had a friend back in this institution we studied at ..and He was soo blunt and even teachers had numerously told him off even till the extent that he was warned that they will kick him out.
So we sat him down and said to him Bro you need to stop talking trash and especially the swear words my god ..i dunt think there was ever a time where he didnt mention the 'F' word in one sentence .thas how he talked .. so we said to him ..we have a soultion to his blunt and abusive behavior ...and that was that everytime he swore especially used the 'F' word he had to pay up a £1 per swear ..and amazingly he agreed ..Why cos he Was sincere in changing himself ..So we put this rule in play on him .. and 2 month later we had gathered over £600 pounds from him ..
what was gained from this ...2 months later he was skint and he was learning his lesson that on an average he ended up using swear words 2 3 times aday from like a few hundred.. untill this one happy day came where in the whole hostel he was reported to have used NO rude, unethical abusive swear words ..and finally He was a clean man..
What we did with that £600 pound was we chipped it in to buy a snooker table for the lounge lol ..and we loved it cos it was all paid for :D
So my recommendation for this behavior Is that ..Implenet a Fine / Penalty on Him .. once gathered alot of Money ..buy something which is expensive and that which He does not want you to buy .. so once bought ..show it off to him .. That this is what I bought with your problem and now live with it lol
From my experience I can tell you that people can be blunt for two reasons :
it's a built in defect , they do it just because they are clear hearted & after saying what they wanted to say they don't keep grudges.
because by being blunt they satisfy their self esteem (which is very low & damaged). they keep grudges and they say things to make you feel bad & to hurt you and to make themselves feel superior to others
If your fiance' is the 2nd one , then run and run fast as you can because these people can never learn & they will never change because they don't have empathy. They just drive their happiness from other peoples suffering and believe me it gets worse as time passes.
But if your fiance' is 1st one follow khawa's suggestion , he will change himself insha allah !
"If your fiance' is the 2nd one , then run and run fast as you can because these people can never learn & they will never change because they don't have empathy. They just drive their happiness from other peoples suffering and believe me it gets worse as time passes"
pick the right time for telling him how you feel ..
CMON every girl knows the best time for sending the message across coz thats the only time when men concentrate on ONLY 1 thing and any thing said goes straight to brain without any filters
Reminds me in one of the "Friends" episodes, one indian guy was too blunt (Phoebe's friend) and pissed everyone off.
So instead of being passive, guys started telling him "bluntly" about himself and guess what happened next? :D
Thanks guys, some great advice out there...two thumbs up..!!
I dont think slapping him is the solution :o/ but i shall have a sweet word with him when the time is right, loving words are always more effective than complaining
I know he is not the type '2' kind of guy so i have no worries about my future InshaAllah, i suppose every new relationship takes getting used to, im a softly spoken person so i suppose this is new for me & i kind of wear my heart on my sleeve
Korn666 5 years of blunt talking..??? jeez im getting a migraine after reading that!! but i'll take a leaf out of ur book for sure :o)
