Re: to work or not to work
You and I can discuss this situation but it comes down to the couple who need to have a chat about it and find a common ground. If she can find a part time job, give tuitions to kids or even teach at a school, that would be great.
Re: to work or not to work
How are we saying that women that have the luxury to choose whether they work or not are idle/lazy/waste of space in an MBA program, unproductive??
Why do you question with such ignorance? The opportunity cost of her doing nothing is quite clear from her relationship with her husband and his family. I think it's a fair assumption on the premise she is not a housewife.
How is she productive? and yes her MBA was in essence a waste. As she hasn't used it to her or societies advantage.
Re: to work or not to work
what i also think is reasonable for her to do at this moment is to take up some part-time work or look out for some charity work. although in Pakistan we don't have much opportunities for part-time jobs, flexible hours jobs in corporate sector. but can try.
As many have pointed out, being productive & contributing to society does not mean to do a "job". She could volunteer or do charity work. It seems that she doesn't want the pressures of a job and so charity work would be ideal for someone who doesn't want to spend too much effort on the job, worry about getting ahead, evaluations, etc.
Plus, leave the jobs for people who need a job. If she doesn't want a job & doesn't need to work, then why push her towards that.
Re: to work or not to work
Why do you question with such ignorance? The opportunity cost of her doing nothing is quite clear from her relationship with her husband and his family. I think it's a fair assumption on the premise she is not a housewife.
How is she productive? and yes her MBA was in essence a waste. As she hasn't used it to her or societies advantage.
Education is never a waste. This is why our nation doesn't get very far because 'why study further if you aren't going to be working' attitude. Imagine the Pakistan where every mother had a postgraduate degree. Or every woman for that matter, would Pakistan still be in the state it's in? Something to think about. Education is an unfailing investment and whether this lady or any other for that matter wants to use it in a traditional sense or otherwise, it's not a waste. We need to expand our thinking of productive women a tad bit.
In this scenario, her MBA gives her some support to be able to engage and socialize in a certain class. It's equipped her to be a part of her social circle where by the sounds of it her contributions and inputs are welcomed.
[quote="CEO1, post:36, topic:279081"]
Why do you question with such ignorance? The opportunity cost of her doing nothing is quite clear from her relationship with her husband and his family. I think it's a fair assumption on the premise she is not a housewife.
How is she productive? and yes her MBA was in essence a waste. As she hasn't used it to her or societies advantage.
Education is never a waste. This is why our nation doesn't get very far because 'why study further if you aren't going to be working' attitude. Imagine the Pakistan where every mother had a postgraduate degree. Or every woman for that matter, would Pakistan still be in the state it's in? Something to think about. Education is an unfailing investment and whether this lady or any other for that matter wants to use it in a traditional sense or otherwise, it's not a waste. We need to expand our thinking of productive women a tad bit.
In this scenario, her MBA gives her some support to be able to engage and socialize in a certain class. It's equipped her to be a part of her social circle where by the sounds of it her contributions and inputs are welcomed.
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Totally agree with you!
its encouraging to see so many advices. based on your advices and what i also think is reasonable for her to do at this moment is to take up some part-time work or look out for some charity work. although in Pakistan we don't have much opportunities for part-time jobs, flexible hours jobs in corporate sector. but can try.
what i feel and have also discussed with her is that the reason her husband wants her to work could be because he might feel embarrassed among his family members and social circle for the fact that his wife doesn't work even when she is capable of. the fact that he always give the examples of his family women that they work since she must also work makes me think this way. for a fact we have people in Pakistan in abundance mostly in the upper segment who if learns that the highly qualified good profile wife is not working, they would easily make remarks such as " OH, your wife doesn't work, you keep her locked inside the house" or " she is so qualified why don't you allow her to work, you are so chauvinistic" so you get the idea they automatically assume in such cases that it would be the husband stopping the wife to work and be independent and blah blah without realizing that it could be the wife's choice. and these kinds of remarks and the image can upset husbands and male folk and to escape that embarrassment they could push wives to work.
anyhow, if he is asking her for work because of this reason and if my cousin do a compromise and get some part time work then it would save him from the embarrassment in his family and social circle. then after some time there could be two things that can happen, either my cousin becomes used to it and continues or she would still not like it and would want to leave after some time then may be in that scenario the husband would not create issues again because by then people would have known that he is not someone who stops his wife from being independent and work as they would have seen her working. and when she decides to leave work they could buy the fact that she does so because of her own choice as if the husband was the one stopping her he would not have allowed her to take it up in the first place.
what do you guys think? m i making any sense here?
Wow, is it just me or are Pakistani people extremely annoying? Your referring to established and educated people here but yet still you can't get away from the cultural stigmas and ignorant mindset. Basically the husband is just embarrassed in front of his friends and the fact that both husband and wife can very easily explain (if they really need to) to their "educated" circle why she doesn't work it just isn't good enough because it all boils down to what others think. .. In my opinion, educated or not it has nothing to do with being productive or contributing to anything, it's all a competition and "dhekava" about whose working where and doing what. Which to me sounds extremely silly. What is wrong with our people and why can we not get away from the judgmental attitudes and ignorance?.. Why can't people be allowed to live their lives according to the standards and values they set for them own selves. It's all about whose doing what and "log kya sochay gai"
Even after the experience and educated minds around them the family still feels the pressure of being talked about because their DIL chooses to be a stay at home mom and that seems to be more important over her wants and how she choses to live her life. Ridiculous. Forget education, Pakistanis need an education on humanity and doing right by others first, the country literally needs to start back at the basics. Maybe an extreme view but I am so sick of the ignorance.
Re: to work or not to work
Its exactly for reasons like that, that one should ask the prospective husband to be what his take is on things like that. I knew clear in my mind that I did not want to work after marriage and made that clear to any prospective rishta. Some people ran away because of that, but its better to clear these things at the start. Regarding whether she should work or not, then yes, what you say is true. According to Islam, she has a right to stay at home and she has right to maids as well. There is also no law that bounds her to work.
Prospective can change. Asking this before or after marriage can sometimes be useless as situations change and so do people. Also, according to Islam, I believe it is best for her to adjust to what her husband would like her to do. I am also married with kids and work, it is nice to have the financial freedom.
Re: to work or not to work
Its sad to see that people consider education a tool for economic employment and not the very basic foundation for a well rounded person. I guess everybody should just take courses that help them in employment and not what interests them.
As for the original poster all I have to say is the choice is yours. If you wish to work by all means work. If you don't tell your in laws to lay off.