Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I'm not romanticising any culture. I'm merely commenting on what I observed while living in the middle east and pointing out a difference between cultures. I realise that all cultures have both positive and negative aspects. Observing differences in other cultures and comparing/contrasting them with one's own culture (although not my own in this case) doesn't mean one thinks negatively of one's own culture. Similarly, it is possible to think positively of one's culture, while still recognizing (somewhat negative) aspects where there is room for improvment.
I don't disagree with what you are saying. Neither do I deny that our culture has it's flaws. I agree with the bolded part. And that is why if something is wrong, and we want to change it, then we will have to start by ourselves.
My reply was more directed to comments such as: '1. arab women put up with a lot less than us, 2. arabs are less bothered about divorce, 3. there is less of a stigma.'
Apart from the fact that point 2 and 3 are not true (conversations and intercation with arab women prove otherwise), point 1 is also flawed. They don't put up with less. They just have other things to put up with. And that is why I mentioned the virginity-proof tradition.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
How do Arab ladies keep their feelings intact after their husbands married to other ladies. I heard that its still common in Arabs and they don't consider it a taboo.
I'm actually thinking about this issue a lot these days and i'm still wondering how they are able to deal with it. I guess arab women are just raised to accept their future husbands will have the opportunity to be intimate with other wives and love n care for them. They have that whole time since they are little girls to deal with it and come to terms with the idea that their future husbands are not only theirs. For me, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it as much as I try. It would take me years to recover from it even if I choose to khula and not be with him anymore.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
[quote="GlobalGal"]
I'm actually thinking about this issue a lot these days and i'm still wondering how they are able to deal with it. I guess arab women are just raised to accept their future husbands will have the opportunity to be intimate with other wives and love n care for them. They have that whole time since they are little girls to deal with it and come to terms with the idea that their future husbands are not only theirs. For me, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it as much as I try. It would take me years to recover from it even if I choose to khula and not be with him anymore./Q
Nature meant for humans to be monogamous, the ratio at birth for male to females 1:1, so if the privileged got more than one wife than what will the millions of men do who will be without a partner, also physiologically it is hard enough for a man to satisfy one women how would he satisfy four.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
To have slaves (islamically), they r supposed to be war captives, and u make them slaves because u won the war. The guys as well as the girl captives. There's no such thing as sex slaves. You r allowed to have sex with them (the ones that u specifically own, not random slaves going about their business) yes but u r not allowed to rape them, in other words u would probably have to be good to them, take care of their children etc. for them to let u do that. As far as I know there is no Muslim country in war with Ethiopia so I don't know where u'd be getting those slaves ur talking about.
Also, since nowadays u go at war against countries and not nations, I dont think the slave rule could even apply. As in the leader of the Muslim nation (ummah) would declare war against someone (who would have to be non-Muslims, since Muslims having a war against Muslims get nothing, no slaves, no automatic entry to heaven and all that) and then ud have to fight in that war and win and then u get war captives. I don't think u would want to go thru all that trouble just to get a slave.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Unlike arabs atleast we don't have the virginity cloth/proof culture, where the entire family of the bride and the groom comes to know whether the girl was a virgin or not.
Err this** has** happened in our culture as well, moreso in rural areas.. Some ppl (tho obviously rarely) still want proof that a bride is a virgin on her wedding night..
I wouldn't say it's any more 'important' in Arab culture than it is in ours now.. It's an old tradition that has mostly died out now..
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Err this** has** happened in our culture as well, moreso in rural areas.. Some ppl (tho obviously rarely) still want proof that a bride is a virgin on her wedding night..
I wouldn't say it's any more 'important' in Arab culture than it is in ours now.. It's an old tradition that has mostly died out now..
Sure, it must have happened in our culture or still happens in very very small numbers. The whole point of my comment was that every culture has it's crappy traditions.
And yes, I can state with certainty that the virginity cloth tradition is more important (was and still is) among arabs and turks than among desis. And no it has not died out.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
Nature meant for humans to be monogamous, the ratio at birth for male to females 1:1, so if the privileged got more than one wife than what will the millions of men do who will be without a partner, also physiologically it is hard enough for a man to satisfy one women how would he satisfy four.
In most men's minds, do they not feel any emotions while having sex? No attachment with the woman? They can just really go from one woman to another if they find another attractive? Whatever intimacy they shared is it really just a few minutes of physical satisfaction and the same can be had with another woman? I still trying to understand the male species. I've come across desi men that are slime pure and simple that have this really vulgar, emotionless way about them, desi men that are gay but don't want to admit it(total mystery to me), and the ones that are mega decent and entirely kind are usually already taken or spoken for right in their college years. As an ABCD, my experience just being around desi men hasn't been very great with the exception of my brothers.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
To have slaves (islamically), they r supposed to be war captives, and u make them slaves because u won the war. The guys as well as the girl captives. There's no such thing as sex slaves. You r allowed to have sex with them (the ones that u specifically own, not random slaves going about their business) yes but u r not allowed to rape them, in other words u would probably have to be good to them, take care of their children etc. for them to let u do that. As far as I know there is no Muslim country in war with Ethiopia so I don't know where u'd be getting those slaves ur talking about.
Also, since nowadays u go at war against countries and not nations, I dont think the slave rule could even apply. As in the leader of the Muslim nation (ummah) would declare war against someone (who would have to be non-Muslims, since Muslims having a war against Muslims get nothing, no slaves, no automatic entry to heaven and all that) and then ud have to fight in that war and win and then u get war captives. I don't think u would want to go thru all that trouble just to get a slave.
Have you seen some of the sports illustrated models, I'd go to war for that..ha..ha....kill the husbands, fathers, brothers etc, sell them, trade them barter them, gift them all was allowed, how would you get consensual sex right after you kill the father and brother,
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
In most men's minds, do they not feel any emotions while having sex? No attachment with the woman? They can just really go from one woman to another if they find another attractive? Whatever intimacy they shared is it really just a few minutes of physical satisfaction and the same can be had with another woman? I still trying to understand the male species. I've come across desi men that are slime pure and simple that have this really vulgar, emotionless way about them, desi men that are gay but don't want to admit it(total mystery to me), and the ones that are mega decent and entirely kind are usually already taken or spoken for right in their college years. As an ABCD, my experience just being around desi men hasn't been very great with the exception of my brothers.
I think it is cultural, many girls here have many partners also. Most of the major religions came out of middle east where women were considered as objects and property, men are now being educated in caring and nurturing and frankly they missed out a lot as raising kids, emotionally connecting with family is very rewarding.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
Why the obsession with virgins, every facet of our life we r looking for skill and experience and when it comes for partners we don't want anyone that has experience, I would much rather be with someone that has the experience and is comfortable in exploring their sexuality.
Are we insecure that we won't measure up
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
Yes except our brothers, fathers, sons... all desi men are useless!
I never said that. I just had the enormous bad luck of coming across ones that are okay with having extramarital affairs, emotionless and two wanted to marry quick to get a green card. I hope Allah brings one of those good guys my way.