To the unmarried males.

[Maham]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@NomiCA

you are right in the pre-marriage communication and stuff............but believe me guys do try a lot.....i have seen many of my own cousines and relatives in these situations...and observed closely..... and do you honestly think that a guy can do it unless he is supported by the 'forces'??

Yes he can cuz i believe women are not made that way that they wud rebel to that extreme if they were controlled (nt sure if that's the rite word to use :D) from the start. Esp being born n breed in our culture most do understand the importance of marriage and making new relationships work n they wouldnt mind giving it their best BUT only if they were not lied to and nt irked by these false promises n dreams.

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

1) With all these sass/bahu topics here, do you ever wonder how it would be handling all these affairs after marriage? balancing your relationship with yr parents/siblings and wife. Does the thought ever come across your mind.

Sure, it all means that women whether she is your Mom, wife or Mother-in-law is possessive. Just need to learn the skill to make her feel special in her own way and give the time that she needs.

[quote]

2) Does it worry you? I have heard of some people who don't wanna marry just for this reason as they are quite close to their family and don't want that to change.
[/quote]

It just gives you an idea about marriage that is when you marry you are not marrying a girl rather her entire family.

[quote]

3) What are some ways you wish or hope to handle these situations with?
[/quote]

You have to show patience and learn not to indulge into useless conversation.

[quote]

4) Or Have you thought of ways you would hopefully be avoiding all this tension with?.
[/QUOTE]

Don't get hyper. I have noticed a weakness amongst us is that we get hyper a lot on many minor issues, which only makes the situation worse.

[NomiCA]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

Yes he can cuz i believe women are not made that way that they wud rebel to that extreme if they were controlled (nt sure if that's the rite word to use :D) from the start. Esp being born n breed in our culture most do understand the importance of marriage and making new relationships work n they wouldnt mind giving it their best BUT only if they were not lied to and nt irked by these false promises n dreams.

I hope you are right.......they might not 'rebel' to the extreme'' but they sure can make anyone else's life hell very easily..:D

and false promises/dreams are not all that common in every case.......even without those, things do get ugly in purely arranged marriages (no communciation whatsover before)

[Maham]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Man_with_a_Plan

Sure, it all means that women whether she is your Mom, wife or Mother-in-law is possessive. Just need to learn the skill to make her feel special in her own way and give the time that she needs.

It just gives you an idea about marriage that is when you marry you are not marrying a girl rather her entire family.

You have to show patience and learn not to indulge into useless conversation.

Don’t get hyper. I have noticed a weakness amongst us is that we get hyper a lot on many minor issues, which only makes the situation worse.

[Maham]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@NomiCA

I hope you are right.......they might not 'rebel' to the extreme'' but they sure can make anyone else's life hell very easily..:D

and false promises/dreams are not all that common in every case.......even without those, things do get ugly in purely arranged marriages (no communciation whatsover before)

I also hope (for my sake :D) that i am rite :p

See most couples now have ALOT of communication before marriage, heck they even decide how many kids they are gonna have:o, blah blah. I believe that's one factor in unhappy marriages nowadays. Ofcourse i am not saying that is the only thing that goes wrong as there are alot of other issues too.

[NomiCA]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

I also hope (for my sake :D) that i am rite :p

See most couples now have ALOT of communication before marriage, heck they even decide how many kids they are gonna have:o, blah blah. I believe that's one factor in unhappy marriages nowadays. Ofcourse i am not saying that is the only thing that goes wrong as there are alot of other issues too.

thats like an established fact for me.......at least 3 cases i have seen (very very close) where things got messed up due to this 'understanding' thing.......:D

[Maham]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@NomiCA

thats like an established fact for me.......at least 3 cases i have seen (very very close) where things got messed up due to this 'understanding' thing.......:D

Wow, so i am good :D lolz. Meri theory pass ho gayi ;)

[NomiCA]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

Wow, so i am good lolz. Meri theory pass ho gayi

yes…its like practically proven…

seeing your posts…i think you will be easy to tolerate for your would-be husband…congrats :k:

[lahori99]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

No i think most of the time the guys are not trying hard or are too confused to give it their best shot. They have to be alert at it from the very begining. That's precisely i don't believe in having alot of communication before marriage (i.e engagement period). At that stage, they promise the world to the girl...a world which is free of the mil's wrath (more like rules n regulations/duties). So when the practical life starts (after marriage) its hell for the girl as all the dreams the guy showed her were far from what is happening with her. So in that case the guy has to be smart from the begining and not promise anything that he may not be able to deliever afterwards.

ah you are saying it's always the mother? What i have seen, most of the time it's the wife who has unreasonable demands.

[lahori99]

Re: To the unmarried males.

I think reason why a lot of women want to live alone is b/c of sex. Freedom of sex, whenever, however they would like so no one can listen to them.
one way to keep her happy, is to have sound proof room, and be really good in bed.

[Ghost14]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Maham

1) With all these sass/bahu topics here, do you ever wonder how it would be handling all these affairs after marriage? balancing your relationship with yr parents/siblings and wife. Does the thought ever come across your mind.

2) Does it worry you? I have heard of some people who don't wanna marry just for this reason as they are quite close to their family and don't want that to change.

3) What are some ways you wish or hope to handle these situations with?

4) Or Have you thought of ways you would hopefully be avoiding all this tension with?.

1) Yes it does. My own mom had to put up with a LOT of crap from my grandmother and she wouldn't start trouble.

2) No, it doesn't worry me that much because I can be moody and difficult to live with and my wife will probably need my mom's help to deal with me :) Seriously though, I am not put off by marriage at all because of this. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't see this being a problem because my mom went through so much crap that I know she'll be extra careful to give my wife room.

3), 4) I'm a pretty strong personality. I'm kind of used to giving out orders and keeping my brothers in line so handling conflict comes naturally to me; I have 2 younger brothers who are twins so they are always fighting. The way to handle it, in my mind, would be to ask my wife to come to me with any problems and not aggravate things. There are always minor issues but if they're seen as a hiccup instead of a declaration of war, there really should not be problems.

Of course there are always weirdos. Like I mentioned, my grandma was kind of psycho. Even my dad will admit that. And my mom never complained, so my dad was always on her side. I think for a marriage to work, husband and wife should devote more time to each other and back off on relying on mommy and daddy.

That said, I don't see my mom being much trouble because my parents wish to move back to Pakistan once my brothers and I are married. She fully expects to give my wife her space and my parents have not asked to live with me at all, nor do I wish to impose myself on them. Lastly, I would definitely not be attracted to a woman who is a drama queen (sorry Nadz lol). I find that an easy going, mature attitude is attractive and if a girl is the "valley girl" type who needs attention all the time, I would not marry her.

[Ghost14]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@lahori99

I think reason why a lot of women want to live alone is b/c of sex. Freedom of sex, whenever, however they would like so no one can listen to them. one way to keep her happy, is to have sound proof room, and be really good in bed.

Oh and this too. I want to have naked Sundays with my wife before kids ruin everything :p

[Sara516]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@lahori99

I think reason why a lot of women want to live alone is b/c of sex. Freedom of sex, whenever, however they would like so no one can listen to them.
one way to keep her happy, is to have sound proof room, and be really good in bed.

And an attached bathroom. Nobody needs to know when or why you’re taking a shower

[rizla86]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@lahori99

I think reason why a lot of women want to live alone is b/c of sex. Freedom of sex, whenever, however they would like so no one can listen to them. one way to keep her happy, is to have sound proof room, and be really good in bed.

Already have that sorted, I've got this penthouse thing going in our basement, sound proof and all =D

[Nisha25]

Re: To the unmarried males.

i've seen situations where the guy is a spoiled person since childhood so the guy can also be the one that makes things worse between saas and bahu.

why dont the saas's ever see that she was also in the same position as her bahu a couple years back. why do the memory losses happen to some of them.

and I wonder why the bahu's don't realize that the mother is the guy's first love, she did everything for him when he was a child so of course the in laws have to be a part of the couple's life.

Nomica and others that have their parents living with them after marriage, the parents as a couple probably would want to have a life of their own too, everybody all living under one roof there's bound to be conflicts, that's just how human beings are.

so i'm pretty sure the guy's parents would want some privacy too just like the guy and his wife would. the whole joint family situation is just not fun for either couple(inlaws or guy/bahu), two houses right next to each other makes more sense

[system]

Re: To the unmarried males.

Nope not at all. Each individual is unique. Each situation is different. Not everything on the internet applies to each individual.

[Nisha25]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@NomiCA

3) What are some ways you wish or hope to handle these situations with?

There is no way to handle this........All one can do is to hope that i make good decision when things get messy.....my way is simple my parents are staying with me.....if she has a problem i will show her the door.....

i can't believe guys think like this. maybe that's the problem. why is the older generation excused for everything and anything they do. they deserve respect and they are wise but what's up with throwing the wife out if there are conflicts between the people in this joint family situation. why can't the bahu, guy and the in laws be flexible to increase love between each other.

the in laws are always excused for the tiny mistakes they might make, how fair is that

[Reha]

Re: To the unmarried males.

Out of the thousands and thousands of members GS has, a few post in Life1 and now ALL females are the same.

When someone has an issue they need to talk about, they go to their friends. You do not go to your mother with your marital problems. You go to people who can give you unbiased advice. When you cannot go to friends or dont have any, you will find people posting on these forums.

Majority of women dont enter a marriage with a cookie cutter mind frame that their MIL is evil...its usually something that develops later on due to misunderstandings that never get cleared up. Most of us want things to work out for the better and want our MILs to like us but its a two way street.

IMHO, a lot of these saas-bahu issues stem from our culture. A culture we love but also tend to disagree with now. We disagree about jahez. We disagree about a woman being property and not being able to work. We disagree about her being the cook and cleaner of the household. We disagree about her having to live with inlaws unless its something that cannot be avoided. We disagree about larki being parayee.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You want a parhi likhi bahu that will be an excellent cook, mother, daughter in law, working professional AND be hot for you. When you say jump, she should say "how high honey?". Unless these men start turning into Josh Hartnett or Will Smith (with the bank balance to match)...its not going to happen.

Times have changed but mentalities havent. And then they complain that women are materialistic and demand too much.

[diwana]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Reha

Out of the thousands and thousands of members GS has, a few post in Life1 and now ALL females are the same.

When someone has an issue they need to talk about, they go to their friends. You do not go to your mother with your marital problems. You go to people who can give you unbiased advice. When you cannot go to friends or dont have any, you will find people posting on these forums.

Majority of women dont enter a marriage with a cookie cutter mind frame that their MIL is evil…its usually something that develops later on due to misunderstandings that never get cleared up. Most of us want things to work out for the better and want our MILs to like us but its a two way street.

IMHO, a lot of these saas-bahu issues stem from our culture. A culture we love but also tend to disagree with now. We disagree about jahez. We disagree about a woman being property and not being able to work. We disagree about her being the cook and cleaner of the household. We disagree about her having to live with inlaws unless its something that cannot be avoided. We disagree about larki being parayee.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You want a parhi likhi bahu that will be an excellent cook, mother, daughter in law, working professional AND be hot for you. When you say jump, she should say “how high honey?”. Unless these men start turning into Josh Hartnett or Will Smith (with the bank balance to match)…its not going to happen.

Times have changed but mentalities havent. And then they complain that women are materialistic and demand too much.

[Reha]

Re: To the unmarried males.

@Reha

Out of the thousands and thousands of members GS has, a few post in Life1 and now ALL females are the same.

When someone has an issue they need to talk about, they go to their friends. You do not go to your mother with your marital problems. You go to people who can give you unbiased advice. When you cannot go to friends or dont have any, you will find people posting on these forums.

Majority of women dont enter a marriage with a cookie cutter mind frame that their MIL is evil...its usually something that develops later on due to misunderstandings that never get cleared up. Most of us want things to work out for the better and want our MILs to like us but its a two way street.

IMHO, a lot of these saas-bahu issues stem from our culture. A culture we love but also tend to disagree with now. We disagree about jahez. We disagree about a woman being property and not being able to work. We disagree about her being the cook and cleaner of the household. We disagree about her having to live with inlaws unless its something that cannot be avoided. We disagree about larki being parayee.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You want a parhi likhi bahu that will be an excellent cook, mother, daughter in law, working professional AND be hot for you. When you say jump, she should say "how high honey?". Unless these men start turning into Josh Hartnett or Will Smith (with the bank balance to match)...its not going to happen.

Times have changed but mentalities havent. And then they complain that women are materialistic and demand too much.

Haan ji