Re: To tell or not to tell..
I said in an earlier post i would want to tell my future husband HOWEVER I wouldnt go into deep emotional detail about it.
I would say..i was with a guy for a year and half, i was young and naiive, it taught me alot and we went our seperate ways.
But what if your future hubby does ask you to go into detail?
Re: To tell or not to tell..
But what if your future hubby does ask you to go into detail?
I would say.
It was a long time ago, and we havent spoken in years and he doesnt even cross my mind anymore as i said we went our seperate way.
why stir up the past?
also a man who pushed me into loads of detail i would assume is terribly insecure
Re: To tell or not to tell..
I would say.
It was a long time ago, and we havent spoken in years and he doesnt even cross my mind anymore as i said we went our seperate way.
why stir up the past?
also a man who pushed me into loads of detail i would assume is terribly insecure
Fair enough - good luck with that approach. Most typical desi guys (coconuts might be an exception) would be "insecure" - if by "insecure" you mean asking abt details of your past affairs.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
I said in an earlier post i would want to tell my future husband HOWEVER I wouldnt go into deep emotional detail about it.
I would say..i was with a guy for a year and half, i was young and naiive, it taught me alot and we went our seperate ways.
I would say.
It was a long time ago, and we havent spoken in years and he doesnt even cross my mind anymore as i said we went our seperate way.
why stir up the past?
also a man who pushed me into loads of detail i would assume is terribly insecure
What has passed, has passed. Creating a positive future with ur spouse is the best policy to handle this situation. Giving your past less importance is better than talking about it when your supposed to be enjoying those moments with ur husband... Why dig up an old grave?
Re: To tell or not to tell..
Fair enough - good luck with that approach. Most typical desi guys (coconuts might be an exception) would be "insecure" - if by "insecure" you mean asking abt details of your past affairs.
ive come across typical desi guys in a rishta situation who have been cool with what i said.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
my husband read my diaries from before we were married so he knew exactly who i liked and whatnot.
too bad he didn’t know about my other secret secret diaries :halo: (j/k j/k)
Re: To tell or not to tell..
SO say you've had relationships in your past that didn't work out for whatever reason. You've moved on and are now getting married.
1 DO you tell your future spouse about your past or not?
2 What if your past relationship was intimate?
I would like to share details of it with my wife obviously. Don't know i am just too honest. And yes even intimate details as well. If she can't take it then too bad. And o well, i won't be marrying insecure woman (in my opinion) anyway. And if my future wife did have a fling with a guy..then i would like to know the whole detail. I tend to be very open minded.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
Depends on the guy!
Re: To tell or not to tell..
ive come across typical desi guys in a rishta situation who have been cool with what i said.
were you even close to getting hitched in those cases?
Re: To tell or not to tell..
were you even close to getting hitched in those cases?
haha yeah I was actually! other circumstances resulted them not working out
Re: To tell or not to tell..
I dont have any past flings..... .
riiight..you must have just "hung out" or something like you were advising the other girl to say..i see how it works..
Re: To tell or not to tell..
haha yeah I was actually! other circumstances resulted them not working out
well good for you then that you found guy(s) who really didnt care much abt your past..
Re: To tell or not to tell..
@Hot Tea:
If the girl you were going to marry did tell you that she was in a relationship.. And you did pester her for details.. And she told you everything..
What would be your opinion of her? Would it change from what it was before? In a good / bad way?
Re: To tell or not to tell..
this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with- so yes.
You are who you are and you've done what you've done-I dont see the point of being ashamed of your own past. If he is the right guy for you, then he will accept it.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
tell me what good will it be of digging out the past and make your present as well as future insecure. Talk about honesty, I dont believe it was dishonesty of yours towards your life partner to be in relationship with someone long ago before your husband/to be husband entered into your life. its like one chapter closed and other opened. If you keep looking back and digging the past that is only going to affect your life for worse. Ask me, I would NEVER want my husband to tell me about his past affairs and relationship. I would be rather afraid of facing it because it will make me upset only. Being honest doesnt mean you should set your as well as your SO's peace of mind to fire. I dont believe its wrong on any grounds to keep your secrets to yourself specially if you are not comfortable about them and rather embarrassed. God knows it all, doesnt He? thats sufficient I guess.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
^ so essentially lie to the guy?
What integrity shown by the girls here at GS. Weren't you one of the girls jumping up and down in my thread for "shopping" during rishta. And here you are trying to hide your past flings
PS to the OP, any guy, worth his salt, will almost definately want more details, it's not like you mention to him during chai "oh just one dude i used to hang out with" case closed.
If the guy is secure enough with himself...he wont get worked up about it and be able to handle it.
riiight..you must have just "hung out" or something like you were advising the other girl to say..i see how it works..
Why are you so stuck over that phrase? Its so juvenile.
If someone wants to leave their past in the past...............they have every right to do so. Because the only person that has any right to it is themselves. No one else has any right to go digging or bringing it up. If its something like a prior marriage, kids, divorce, etc then share because it might affect their future. But if its a stupid crush from when you were 21..........leave it be.
If it was intimate, I would advise getting tested before committing. If it was just someone you liked but things never progressed, leave it there.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
Nope, never tell your spouse about your previous relationships. ESP if they were intimate. Honesty is good, too much honesty can come back and bite you in the arse.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
@Hot Tea:
If the girl you were going to marry did tell you that she was in a relationship.. And you did pester her for details.. And she told you everything..
What would be your opinion of her? Would it change from what it was before? In a good / bad way?
It depends on the details but obviously dones't leave a good impression. But you should take care of this at the front-end rather than having your husband finding out afterwards(in this day & age it wont be that hard plus you can be easily out-ed by any of your frnds or even previous guy(s) you were involved with).
I can't believe how remarkably bad advise you're getting from the women here. I just think in this scenario honesty is the best policy. You will also get the change to guage the guy's attitude abt your past - if he makes a big deal you can always move on. But after marriage, you won't have that option.
Re: To tell or not to tell..
this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with- so yes. You are who you are and you've done what you've done-I dont see the point of being ashamed of your own past. If he is the right guy for you, then he will accept it.
Bingo! and it should be likewise for us guys as well. I do not see any point of being ashamed of your past and even admitting to something intimate about your past?. After all, marriage is built upon strong foundation of trust and most importantly how much you care about your partner.