To stay with old parents or move away?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I have a dillemma…

my parents are old (post 60).my dad is still working,and other brothers are away.

i have 2 options

1.To stay with my parents , and look for job here in Pakistan (in my city)

OR

2.To move away, earn more money and send back to them so they can live easily

what should i do? or how do i go about deciding this matter?

2

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Start by talking to them and see what they want. If you think they can do well on their own for a couple of years then maybe you can move and call them to wherever ur moving to? Also talk to your brothers if they can help.

3

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Stay with them

and if you are lucky enuff u will get a job ya phir unko upnay saath lay ker jao if possible

4

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

I would go with #1 because for me its more important that family is together even if it may mean less lavish life. So its your and your parents call at the end of the day :) Sit down with them and make a joint decision.

Btw your other bros may be away but that doesnt conclude them of their responsibilities towards their parents and you too.

5

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Other brothers are married (have wives who don't really want to live/take care of parents) and its kind of understood that its for me to do....and i have always thought of it as my responsibility...thats why i said what i said..

I could take them to the abroad..for that first i will have to decide whether i want to go abroad or not..and its not certain how long it will take for me to able to take them abroad once i reach there..

and i can't talk it out just like that....they would just say 'ok you can go' but its upto me....no parent want their kids to move away..

6

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

I apologize in advance as what i am gonna say may sound harsh but i have to say what i have to say;

1) I suppose your brothers must be adults since they are married. So don't tell me that they dont have the guts to tell their wife what they are suppose to be doing.

2) No women has the himat to tell her husband not to stay with his family or not to support them. If she does, you gotta be a man enough to shut her up and put her at her place.

3) Your brothers may not want to stay with their parents cuz of their wives but they can atleast send money to support them.

Stay with your parents, they don't need more torture.

7

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Stay with them and look after them and spend quality time with them, it's not always about money. Allah swt will reward you in every possible way!

8

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

As a man I would stick with them for as long as they are with me.

But it must be hard for a woman though.

But still I would advise staying as it seems to me the right thing... :)

9

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

don't go .

10

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

stay with them

11

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Thanks for your replies..

everybody seems to be recommending to stay...but the problem is (just for teh sake of discussion)
that my probability of finding a job decreases greatly........i have to stick to one city to find the job..where the market is already oversaturated and few people are getting jobs...so its not a very good situation..

The possibities will increase somewhat when i search for jobs in other cities/areas within Pakistan...that would still be being away from parents but less distance...distance for sure.

so need you people to touch this side too when recommending something...

i am thinking on 3 levels..

1.Personal/psychological/belongingness with parents so they don't feel alone
2.Being close to them physically to manage any problems
3.To generate enough economic resources (moneY) to do the 1.2 mentioned above..

now from 3 there are two ways to do it

one= stay where i am (limited market/opportunities)
two= move (within or outside the country) (greater possibility of job opportunities and chances

12

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

I will get some tomatoes thrown at me for this but here goes:

In order for you to be there for your parents, you have to be strong also. If staying with them means more financial struggle for them or you for an indefinite period of time...then dont stay.

Go, work hard for a couple of years, build a good base for yourself and then you'll be in a great position to help them for the rest of their lives. I know it will be hard for them and it will tear you apart to not be there all the time...but what else can you do? Stay in Pak and try to struggle?

13

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Stay.

14

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

i don't know where u r planning to go but just in canada it takes 4-5 yr in average to sponsor parents these days.( at age 60 who knows wat will happen in 5 yrs) and they don't always get extended visit visas either. yes if u go middle east then u can call them earlier. so may be pick a place where u all can either apply at same time and go together or u can later call them easily. meanwhile arrange someone a caregiver or relative to stay with them and look after them. u can even giv incentive to one of ur brother/bhabi if they look after ur parents for the period of ur absence u will sponsor them later( or sponsor one of their growing kids) or send them a specific amount etc.

15

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

sorry i didn't understand what you are trying to say....

I am not in financial stable career position as yet....so i am not sure whether/when i will get a good job abroad or not.....

16

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Reha's option is worth thinking about. By staying in the same city with limited opportunities, your financial struggles may never end. If that is the case, her advice was to make the difficult choice of going abroad, working hard for few years, so that you will be in a financially strong position.

Of course, you can take the middle ground, and go to a different city in Pakistan. If you get a good job there, then maybe your parents can join you permanently in your new place of employment after about 1 year.

If this option is available, I would choose it - go to a different city in Pakistan, work there, and then bring your parents over to stay with you.

There could be another factor that you may not be sharing with us. Hence let me ask this question -Is it possible there is some fear of the unknown inside of you? Hence are you reluctant to leave Pakistan to go to an unknown place, where you may be lonely? If that is one of the drivers, you may want to ask yourself some tough questions re: whether you can handle it in another country. My gut feeling is you will do fine wherever you go, since you seem to think through everything before making hasty moves.

So bottom line, trust yourself, come to a decision, and take it without hesitation. All the best!

17

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Its better to take suggestion from your parents itself, do they want you to go away or not, if you really need more money then you can go but there should be some one with your parents to keep care of them.

18

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Southie said it.

Following through with your goals and commitments is key here. Im sure your parents are relying on you for a lot now since your other brothers are busy with their lives and wives. Make sure you dont let them down and follow through with what you plan.

19

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

love my parents too much to just move away and not see them much. they were so good to me while growing up and all my ups and downs, after i get my life stable i want to send my parents on a trip around the world. I so want them to enjoy their life after putting all their efforts raising me and my bros. i would personally go with 1

20

Re: To stay with old parents or move away?

Sorry guys for late reply...

hehehe.... the wifes do have the guts to tell and putthing her at place/shutting her up didn't work either.... things did go very bad with this particular 'wife' that it almost ended their marriage.....

as far as sharing money goes......i thought you would know better how women today think....they can't tolerate their husbands money going anywhere else.....they do obviously chip in a bit but not enough.....

Well...i will share it with you...i have not been a big fan of going abroad and living outside of pakistan......i did spend my teen years (3-4 years) outside pakistan and i know what kind of life that is....

I never wanted to go abroad but the economic realities are forcing me to consider that option too...hence my question here...

I was inclined to think that i should try it first in pakistan and try to make things work here.......and if it doesn't work out then consider moving out.........islamic concept of 'Rizq' also come into play...that you will get what has been written for you.....that makes me think i should give a try here.....

so what you people think about it?