You are entitled to your opinion as is everyone. What i detest is the fact that the same families who are wanting teenaged "bahus" for their mid aged sons are actually fuming when their mid aged daughters are having issues finding a guy of a suitable age.
You guys may not see anything wrong with it but i think the society is suffering due to such imbalanced attitudes.
Kinda like young women from lower middle class working in beauty salons, as store clerks, receptionists, waitresses who would only date/marry upper-middle upwardly mobile guys; meanwhile their own brothers struggle to get married to someone their mere equal because of not having status.
Not the kind of 'imbalances' you're concerned with, yes?
Kinda like young women from lower middle class working in beauty salons, as store clerks, receptionists, waitresses who would only date/marry upper-middle upwardly mobile guys; meanwhile their own brothers struggle to get married to someone their mere equal because of not having status.
Not the kind of 'imbalances' you're concerned with, yes?
Sure this is a good example of what i am concerned with. Wanting something and working towards it is all fine but then you ought to not forget that others may be wanting more too...u can't then keerey nekalofy in them for doing the same. That's third degree double standards and hypocrisy!
Unfortunately I think what your referring to will never change. Extreme double standards exists outside of our community as well. It's garbage but I think society in general has become so materialistic and shallow that it will only continue to get worse since I believe money is at the center of why people behave the way they do.
I still don't understand why these particular issues make society so imbalanced because I feel like you are almost categorizing people into specific groups based on what you think is appropriate for them by a judgement call like smart guys should only stay with the smart girls or ugly with ugly (for the sake of putting an example out there, not calling anyone ugly lol.) Doctor with doctor. Construction worker with somebody who works a similar blue collar job etc. That's personally to me how it seems, that everyone in your mind has a category and I am not sure how that helps change mentalities. Your still considering external factors, things on display for the world to judge if whether or not a person is good enough or not.
Some people do have unrealistic expectations sometimes but that's where people I think need to reevaluate their own priorities. Reality eventually will hit them. If they're complaining about their sons or daughters still not being able to find people after years of looking, how does that affect society on a whole? Its their problem I would think. All the while the 30 some year old guy who managed to find his teenage bride is now carrying on with the rest of his life, having babies or whatever, are you still angry at them for their choice of spouse?. Somebody was willing to clearly meet his requirements for their own personal preferences so I guess I am still trying to understand what's so frustrating about this.
I completely agree with you Mamzie. Some individuals are terribly unrealistic in their demands, and bluntly put, deeply deluded. I believe that this behaviour begins with the parents. If families sat down with their sons/daughters and explained to them how ridiculous and unrealistic their demands are and persuaded them to be more realistic and focus on more important factors, the number of people with ridiculous demands would not be as high as it is. Unfortunately though, in many cases parents seem to support their children’s delusions. They only realise just how absurd their demands are once they’ve been turned down by several prospects and have difficulty finding further prospects.
I also find it rather unfortunate that the “rishta” process is becoming quite crass. It has begun to look more like a job interview or a business transaction where people approach one another with their list of demands rather than two people respectfully getting to know each other and deciding whether they’ll be compatible as spouses. People often approach a potential prospect check list in hand (practically) and go on to “interview” indelicately them as if they were purchasing a house, interviewing for a loan with the bank, or making some other large transaction. It's equally unfortunate that families and matchmakers don't make any effort to discourage this and often do the opposite. It’s quite sad and possibly the reason many people find it difficult to find a spouse.
parents telling their kids how unrealistic their demands are? common when it comes for a boy's rishta it is mostly and mostly parents particularly mothers along with sisters who have such unrealistic demands, in many cases the guys themselves are not even aware of how many girls their moms are looking and turning down.
Don't know what exactly my reaction should be but i guess reading these absurd things make me so pissed that in the end all u're capable of doing is to laugh at all of that.
So like i promised to help an aunty of mine look for prospects as she has been trying to match likeminded people without disrespecting integrity of either of the families. So from time to time i check the matrimonial thread to see if there are any matching profiles with what she requires and every time i read something there which really pisses the hell out of me. For God's sake, cut off the hypocrisy! Its just so very annoying to read people sugar coat their demands as if oh these are such genuine demands, they are totally worth it blah blah. Argh.
This might be offensive to whoever but come'on what kind of justification is that my bro is so n so age but require a younger girl cuz he's so damn lively. ROTFLOL! Epic. Why don't you have the guts to straight away say you want a younger girl...?! Sharm aati hai? Well aani bi chahiye.
Gosh, if i ever turned into a matchmaker, i would show everyone their real aukat. This is the fault of our society, nobody speaks the truth or doesn't have the guts to do it. Why can't the rishte wale tell the involved parties when they are going overboard with their demands? Why can't they step in to show them the mirror that your demands are not reasonable, etc.
The role of a matchmaker is to help and aid the process but unfortunately they have turned out such a noble profession into a cheap one.
i know where you are coming from but somehow i don't get why this looking for younger girl pissing you off.
if the guys are getting girls who are even 10-12 years younger than them then it shows that there are girls and girls's families who have no qualms in accepting proposals of an older guys.
i think it is matter of choice and personal preference and not necessarily an unrealistic demand.
there are other demands that i view as unrealistic that people have like an unqualified guy wanting a professionally qualified girl or a guy who earns less but wants a girl who earns double than him or guys who need the girl from the family where all of the members are on high-fi posts etc. and the girls and the families who belong to lower strata but wants a super rich guy or girls who can not utter one correct sentence in English but wants a guy who is all polished and can speak fur fur angrazi- lols.
I still don't understand why these particular issues make society so imbalanced because I feel like you are almost categorizing people into specific groups based on what you think is appropriate for them by a judgement call like smart guys should only stay with the smart girls or ugly with ugly (for the sake of putting an example out there, not calling anyone ugly lol.) Doctor with doctor. Construction worker with somebody who works a similar blue collar job etc. That's personally to me how it seems, that everyone in your mind has a category and I am not sure how that helps change mentalities. Your still considering external factors, things on display for the world to judge if whether or not a person is good enough or not.
Some people do have unrealistic expectations sometimes but that's where people I think need to reevaluate their own priorities. Reality eventually will hit them. If they're complaining about their sons or daughters still not being able to find people after years of looking, how does that affect society on a whole? Its their problem I would think. All the while the 30 some year old guy who managed to find his teenage bride is now carrying on with the rest of his life, having babies or whatever, are you still angry at them for their choice of spouse?. Somebody was willing to clearly meet his requirements for their own personal preferences so I guess I am still trying to understand what's so frustrating about this.
no ofcourse im nt saying that if someone may be nt very goodlooking he/she must not get a goodlooking partner...some may makeup with their intelligence or good education or good personality for the lack of good looks. See asking for atleast a 6-7 yrs of age difference and being fixated over it is something i am unable to understand.
how can it nt affect the society as a whole? When there r so many families worried due to not finding rishtas cuz of these silly demands, it definitely affects the society negatively.
i know where you are coming from but somehow i don't get why this looking for younger girl pissing you off.
if the guys are getting girls who are even 10-12 years younger than them then it shows that there are girls and girls's families who have no qualms in accepting proposals of an older guys.
i think it is matter of choice and personal preference and not necessarily an unrealistic demand.
there are other demands that i view as unrealistic that people have like an unqualified guy wanting a professionally qualified girl or a guy who earns less but wants a girl who earns double than him or guys who need the girl from the family where all of the members are on high-fi posts etc. and the girls and the families who belong to lower strata but wants a super rich guy or girls who can not utter one correct sentence in English but wants a guy who is all polished and can speak fur fur angrazi- lols.
Its not called not having qualms but majburi for most! They r told by everyone how mid aged guys, even divorced, are getting unmarried and very young girls so that is adding pressure on to them.
All the examples u quoted above are also what this whole topic is about....the age bit got highlighted cuz that is what i read in a post that triggered this topic.
Its not called not having qualms but majburi for most! They r told by everyone how mid aged guys, even divorced, are getting unmarried and very young girls so that is adding pressure on to them.
All the examples u quoted above are also what this whole topic is about....the age bit got highlighted cuz that is what i read in a post that triggered this topic.
i would still disagree that the age difference thing is a matter of majbori for the most.
most families even girls prefer wide age differences. also most families want to marry off their daughters by the age of 22/23 and they want a guy who is already established and have a stable career and most guys reach this stability in the age bracket of 30-35.
also in older days the age difference of 10-12 years seemed so common and in those days the rishta finding process was not at all complicated neither parents of the girls found it hard to marry off the daughters at the right age, still they used to prefer older guys for the daughters hence i don't think that the wide age difference thing has anything to do with being majboor.
^ well that has been my observation...i could be wrong but esp now after talking to and getting to know so prospects and their families (ever since i have been helping my aunty) i have come to conclude that it is a majburi for most! Its like pata nai is k bad yeh bhi ma mila yah koi divorcees k rishte aane shuru ho gaey. Its absolutely hilarious when people want an highly educated girl, career oriented and god forbid if she's over 22... She is to be declined the opportunity of that rishta. Rotflol. I don't know whatelse to make out of this crap.
I don't see why it's a big deal. People are allowed to have whatever preferences or requirements they want. Why don't you just leave them to it. If they're adamant on unrealistic requirements, they'll come to know themselves. I also happen to be in a position where people will ask me if I know of someone who would be suitable. If I think they need to work on something, I'll tell them that people will look for such and such things for their sons/daughters--for instance, for younger guys who are looking, I'll tell them that girls' families will want someone who has a certain level of education. Instead of getting worked up by these things, just them that the type of people they want have such and such requirements themselves and are they ok with it/can they accommodate it.
I’m still trying to figure out what you mean by this statement. It sounds pretty “elitist” and wrong to me. How is it a matchmaker’s job to dictate someone’s “aukat”? They are in the “business” of finding a match based on the requirements and wants of their “client”…is it a matchmaker’s place to dispense their own opinions on whom their client’s should choose/marry?
I am also in a client driven/sales orientated position. I do my best to advise my clients on what product would suit their needs, but at the end of the day, it’s their choice…it’s not my place to remind them of “their aukhat”
I’m quoting Uzair1’s post here:
To which you answered:
So it’s unrealistic for an overweight person to marry a skinny/fit person??? Seriously???
Wow.
Thank god there are people in this world that look past physical appearance and are more interested in personality and compatibility.
I have the same question as ButtSb...I'm still very unclear on what right a matchmaker has to dictate if a person's criteria is reasonable or ridiculous.
If you guys wud have read my post carefuly, i clearly mentioned that if the matchmaker is doing it solely to earn quick bucks its a diff thing but i believe this is a noble profession if taken with good intentions...hence its their job to bring the society right bk on track so we dnt have such chaos in terms of marriages nowadays.
Sounds highly idealistic and utopian to me. However noble your intent may be, (and I don’t doubt your sincerity), your posts come off as sounding extremely snobby and elitist.
We all can agree to disagree. The beauty of an online forum such is this is hearing and learning from different experiences and points of view. No need to get offended by someone questioning your stance.
