Don’t know what exactly my reaction should be but i guess reading these absurd things make me so pissed that in the end all u’re capable of doing is to laugh at all of that.
So like i promised to help an aunty of mine look for prospects as she has been trying to match likeminded people without disrespecting integrity of either of the families. So from time to time i check the matrimonial thread to see if there are any matching profiles with what she requires and every time i read something there which really pisses the hell out of me. For God’s sake, cut off the hypocrisy! Its just so very annoying to read people sugar coat their demands as if oh these are such genuine demands, they are totally worth it blah blah. Argh.
This might be offensive to whoever but come’on what kind of justification is that my bro is so n so age but require a younger girl cuz he’s so damn lively. ROTFLOL! Epic. Why don’t you have the guts to straight away say you want a younger girl…?! Sharm aati hai? Well aani bi chahiye.
Gosh, if i ever turned into a matchmaker, i would show everyone their real aukat. This is the fault of our society, nobody speaks the truth or doesn’t have the guts to do it. Why can’t the rishte wale tell the involved parties when they are going overboard with their demands? Why can’t they step in to show them the mirror that your demands are not reasonable, etc.
The role of a matchmaker is to help and aid the process but unfortunately they have turned out such a noble profession into a cheap one.
I am sorry maybe I am confused but asking for a rishta for a certain age range, is that bad? Kis baat pe sharam ani chaheay? looking for a girl few years younger or sugar coating?
I think asking for such an age difference is as senseless as being fixated on gora rang, model figure, richness, etc. But since these may have an element of subjectivity I say each to their own. However demanding such things and at the same time not being honest about them is what is sharamnak.
Haha, Spot on.
I’d defintely tell them to be realistic. Everyone wants/hopes for the best they can but while doing so they should not forget that they should also be able to offer something in return. Them being “boys” is not, hopefuly, all that they have to offer.
I must add here that often the girls and their families can get very unrealistic too. So this whole society in general is messed up!
I completely agree with you Mamzie. Some individuals are terribly unrealistic in their demands, and bluntly put, deeply deluded. I believe that this behaviour begins with the parents. If families sat down with their sons/daughters and explained to them how ridiculous and unrealistic their demands are and persuaded them to be more realistic and focus on more important factors, the number of people with ridiculous demands would not be as high as it is. Unfortunately though, in many cases parents seem to support their children’s delusions. They only realise just how absurd their demands are once they’ve been turned down by several prospects and have difficulty finding further prospects.
I also find it rather unfortunate that the “rishta” process is becoming quite crass. It has begun to look more like a job interview or a business transaction where people approach one another with their list of demands rather than two people respectfully getting to know each other and deciding whether they’ll be compatible as spouses. People often approach a potential prospect check list in hand (practically) and go on to “interview” indelicately them as if they were purchasing a house, interviewing for a loan with the bank, or making some other large transaction. It's equally unfortunate that families and matchmakers don't make any effort to discourage this and often do the opposite. It’s quite sad and possibly the reason many people find it difficult to find a spouse.
everyone has a right to demand and to hope for what they feel is good for them. who is the matchmaker to set a criteria and dictate a person their awqaat? maybe for other perspectives this might fit good but demanding a spouse of certain age group like you gave an example is not unrealistic. It is a matter of one's whole life and matchmaker aunty who does this job for sake of money or even public service would be the last person I would allow to advice what suits ME the best according to what she thinks is right.
hmmm … someone demanding young girl is unrealistic (although that is allowed in our deen) but on the other hand divorcees demanding unmarried guys/gals is not unrealistic & absolutely fine … cool …
what hypocrisy you are talking about?
what are genuine demands according to you?
kis baat ki sharam aani chahiye?
How can you know someones real aukat… do you have any measuring tool for that?
everyone has a right to demand and to hope for what they feel is good for them. who is the matchmaker to set a criteria and dictate a person their awqaat? maybe for other perspectives this might fit good but demanding a spouse of certain age group like you gave an example is not unrealistic. It is a matter of one's whole life and matchmaker aunty who does this job for sake of money or even public service would be the last person I would allow to advice what suits ME the best according to what she thinks is right.
^ I wasn't suggesting that the matchmaker set the criteria for people or change people's criteria, but rather encourage people to get to know one another rather than treating it like a job interview at the first meeting. As an example, I know a person who directly inquired about a gentleman's job, income and current finances at the first meeting. Consequently, the gentleman, who was quite nice and very compatible otherwise, viewed this as greedy, was put off and moved on. This girl made the same mistake with several potential prospects and the "rishta" lady her family was working with didn't have the common sense or decency to tell them that treating potential prospects like loan applicants was potentially off-putting and quite possibly the reason they were finding it difficult to find her someone. While I'd quite like to believe that most people are not as tactless, I'm not so sure that's the case. There are loads of comments on here by people in the process of looking relating how they were asked indelicate questions and how rude they found it.
Completely agreed with Protype. I personally think that rishta seeking has turned into a business like the one you describe is because I think people dont give their children the time in getting to know their potential spouses. As soon as the resume looks good and the bio data matches, it's a good fit. I think that's what people need to get realistic about that a couple can't possibly know if they would be compatible at the end of two family meet and greets. Our society focuses on the wrong stuff for sure and because many are so set and conservative in their ways they refuse to be practical. There's no balance with the beliefs and the time we live in.
I don't think there is anything wrong with having demands. It's not far fetched for an older guy to request a girl possibly six or more years younger. If he can't find somebody after ten years and is even older that's his personal issue right?. I know so many girls who are willing to marry older men and prefer them. I know what you mean but the example you gave isn't necessarily a good one because there's nothing unrealistic about it. Everyone has their prerogative and my issue with our society is that it's so dependent on what the outside world will think of you therefor you need to conform. We don't have the freedom to live our own lives and are pretty much an outcast if you do, outside of your own family.
everyone has a right to demand and to hope for what they feel is good for them. who is the matchmaker to set a criteria and dictate a person their awqaat? maybe for other perspectives this might fit good but demanding a spouse of certain age group like you gave an example is not unrealistic. It is a matter of one's whole life and matchmaker aunty who does this job for sake of money or even public service would be the last person I would allow to advice what suits ME the best according to what she thinks is right.
If you would have read my post carefully, you would have been to see that I did write that all this is subjective and in some cases, maybe asking for a certain age/status be justified but who are we kidding here…how many such cases there can be?
A rishte wale if is doing this as a good samaritan and wanting to be part of a good deed then surely she will take more interest in the whole process then to just get her money and match odd pairs. And she is responsible for telling people where they are going unrealistic.
LOL! When and where did I say divorcees asking for unmarried partners is fine? Of course it is not and hence I think I have already mentioned twice that this society is messed up in general and the unrealistic demands are not exclusive to a certain class or gender either.
I don't think there is anything wrong with having demands. It's not far fetched for an older guy to request a girl possibly six or more years younger. If he can't find somebody after ten years and is even older that's his personal issue right?. I know so many girls who are willing to marry older men and prefer them. I know what you mean but the example you gave isn't necessarily a good one because there's nothing unrealistic about it. Everyone has their prerogative and my issue with our society is that it's so dependent on what the outside world will think of you therefor you need to conform. We don't have the freedom to live our own lives and are pretty much an outcast if you do, outside of your own family.
You are entitled to your opinion as is everyone. What i detest is the fact that the same families who are wanting teenaged "bahus" for their mid aged sons are actually fuming when their mid aged daughters are having issues finding a guy of a suitable age.
You guys may not see anything wrong with it but i think the society is suffering due to such imbalanced attitudes.
You are entitled to your opinion as is everyone. What i detest is the fact that the same families who are wanting teenaged “bahus” for their mid aged sons are actually fuming when their mid aged daughters are having issues finding a guy of a suitable age.
You guys may not see anything wrong with it but i think the society is suffering due to such imbalanced attitudes.
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can you quote some examples of unrealistic demands from girls’ families as well to keep the conversation unbiased ? I see all your posts are directed to how boys or their families have wrong prerequisites. is that an agenda? :hmmmm:
Give me a good reason for a family saying no to a girl for their son unless she is 5-7 yrs younger to him but on the other hand the same family wanting no more than 3-4 years of age difference for their own daughter and son in law?
Some things, behaviors and attitudes are just plain stupid. Nothing more, nothing less.
