I just had an argument with my mother regarding Nikkah:
I said if a couple with nikkah (but no rukhsati) are allowed to go out for dinner, shopping whatever they want as they are husband and wife.
Whereas my mum disagress and says that it isnt allowed because no rukhsati has happened.
I know this is wrong, my mum doesnt see the couple as husband and wife because she ‘read’ somewhere that they aren’t living under one roof.
Now i was going to say that just because the marriage hasnt been ‘completed’ doesnt make them any lesser husband and wife to each other, they are married!!
But i feel embarrassed discussing such matters with my mother so i didnt say anything, only that I will show her by authentic hadith that to ‘date’ ones husband before living with him is HALAAL!!
but I was wondering if anyone can quote me or direct me towards an authentic haadith which states that husband and wife with just nikkah can hang out. Preferably in urdu and english (as my mum’s 1st language is urdu) so i can say to her SEE MUM I WAS RIGHT!! lol
OK, for one, Rukhsati is a cultural event where a family bids their daughter goodbye and transfers the responsibility over to her hubby. Nowadays many girls are nikkafied but rukhsatified later for several reasons such as completion of education, immigration paperwork, age, etc.
However, in Islam, a nikaah means you are husband and wife and you are no longer na mehram for each other in ANY way. In fact it is encouraged to consummate the marriage and start fulfilling your responsibilities as husband & wife.
You can ask you local Imam for references. But at the end of the day, you really have to sorta go by the wishes of your family just for the sake of respect and sanity.
In our society/culture, nikkah is recognized more as an engagement than actual marriage, whereas actual marriage is rukhsati.
Yes it might sound twisted, but that’s how it is in our culture, its far easier to accept some things and go along than to fight your parents/elders at every step of hte way.
Rukhsati can take place hours, days, weeks, months, years from the time of nikkah.
If you really want to do it Islamically, then move in with him after you sign the nikkahnama, forget about rukhsati/wedding/shaadi and all that.
If one has a nikkah, and is going to have a typical cultural wedding, then they should also adhere to a few simple cultural norms as well.
Also, i think i should add
parents say ALOT of things when ideas are floating, but majority of the time, when reality hits, they tend to soften their stance on certain things.
So if right now your mom says "no, u cannot see ur spouse after nikkah" while you dont even have a rishta, very big chance that after hte nikkah she wqill be more relaxed.
There is no religious reason to not hang out and get to know one another after your Nikkah, so your mom is def wrong about that. However I can definitely understand her concerns if you made it a stipulation in your Nikkah contract or something that you will not give each other husband/wife rights until rukhsati.
Mostly desi parents dont want you guys hanging out alone because its harder to control yourself around one another after nikkah, and plus you know desi people, if they see you two out together even though you are married, but they werent invited or they dont know about when your rukhsati is, log baatein banaate hain, etc. You know how it is :o
like the others said islamically u can do whatever u wish as he is ur husband. The nikkah is the main thing and as Niksik stated the rukhsati is just a cultural event which isnt even compulosry. Nowadays a lot of people are just getting nikkah's done and moving in with their partners straightaway without having a rukhsati.
xxx
the main problem that a lot of parents have with husband and wife meeting after the Nikah is the physical side of things…they don’t wanna be in the awkward situation where the girl gets pregnant before the Rukhsati…
i know someone who did this…they were going to have a big wedding once the girl came over to England, she ended up getting pregnant and was expecting twins…she did eventually come to the UK, with her 6 month old twins
This whole Nikkah without ruksati business makes things unnecessarily awkward and complicated. I know why people do it -- but it really causes weirdness. The couple is married! And they should be allowed to be alone to do things together! It's silliness.
I've seen so many parents of nikkah'ed couples hanging around chaperoning them, even when they are sitting together at a social function. They don't want to leave them alone because "what will people say." What will they say?!? They are a married couple!
I know a couple's parents were debating the ruksati issue... They were at least cool enough!!! lol
They said well they were not doing ruksati yet, cause the girl had to finish up her school and the guy still had to get a place.... but any how the parents were cool to let them be together for the night and there after... except the ruksati was done later
i think a lot of parents say that u cant go with your husband bcuz after ur nikkah and b4 ur rukhsati a couple is assumed to have not consummated their relationship... and so if somewhere they did do that and the girl gets pregnant or somethin ppl might not think its that guys kid....
Thats the KEY word. Assumed. Very commonly used in our culture and seriously those people are REALLY stupid if they think girl’s pregnancy didn’t occur because of her nikhafied husband! I mean come on
There is no religious reason to not hang out and get to know one another after your Nikkah, so your mom is def wrong about that. However I can definitely understand her concerns if you made it a stipulation in your Nikkah contract or something that you will not give each other husband/wife rights until rukhsati.
Mostly desi parents dont want you guys hanging out alone because its harder to control yourself around one another after nikkah, and plus you know desi people, if they see you two out together even though you are married, but they werent invited or they dont know about when your rukhsati is, log baatein banaate hain, etc. You know how it is :o
this is what I hate when people have to bark knowing nothing! This makes me jump from the brige and ask them after it, are you fine now?
