i think a lot of parents say that u cant go with your husband bcuz after ur nikkah and b4 ur rukhsati a couple is **assumed **to have not consummated their relationship... and so if somewhere they did do that and the girl gets pregnant or somethin ppl might not think its that guys kid....
Please forgive me for saying this as devil's advocate;
With this analogy, if having a girl to meet her lawful husband after nikah without rukhsati may make people assume the pregancy may not be from the guy/husband then ....
.....how come after rukhsati people should automatically assume the child is from the same guy/husband? What makes rukhsati a necessary event, to even differentiate between two opposite assumptions?
Husband and wife can still meet....errrrrrrrrrr... mate :) in her parent's house to have perfectly legitimate relation and child.
Just a sarcasm and please don't shoot me.
I think I have said somewhere before,
Assumption is the mother of all problems and generalization is the father!
There is nothing religious about rukhsati as it is mentioned earlier.
The best way to explain the rules to your mom and anyone else who disagrees with hubby and wife meeting after nikaah.
If a couple performs a nikaah (but not rukhsati) and then decides to end it, they have to perform the Islamic method of Talaq.You do not need to consummate the marriage in order to end it. (Therefore, you have to be technically married in order to divorce!)
She is entitled to half the mahr if she divorces.
If either party dies after Nikaah but before consummation, the remaining partner is still entitled to be a part of the deceaseds inheritance.
In Islam, the only legal form of marriage is Nikaah. Rukhsati is an Indian term which means sending off (And of course the wedding night).
All the above rules indicate that nikaah is considered legal in the eyes of all Muslims and Allah.
Your mothers concern are about appearing beysharam in front of society. Thats not the case. When Islam has made you halal upon each other, society cannot make haram what Allah has deemed pure.
You should assert your Islamic right but at the same time try to be respectful of your mothers concern and address them by assuring her that you will not do anything to embarass her. That means when going out..dont start making out in public ..or worse still..get pregnant before the official rukhsati!
Just to let you know that I had my nikaah done and my in laws wanted me to go on vacation with them to Lahore. I was reluctant because obviously no rukhsati had happened. We asked a female scholar and she was the one who told us all this.
i had my nikkah , and the ruksati 5 months later. and i used to go out with my husband. but my dad usd to say com bak by this time etc, i remember it was 10:30pm, my hubby was dropping me off to my mum n dad place, i got text from my mum sayin where r u. i got a peed of because thats my husband and i can do whatever i want technically. but then again i understand ur mum aswell. i didnt give two ****s about what ppl cared, seriusly i dnt care now aswell...all my dad was sayin the "magic" of married couple will probably finish after ruksati, so enjiy the moment after that. i did agree with him then.
but yeh islamically u can do whatever u want with ur hubby. its just this zalim zamana and culture.
Your mom is wrong but people talk so much crap. I have been nikahed for less than two years and everyone in my community is like "oh they are always together, he is always over your house, you might as well do rukhsati and let them stay here" bla bla bla the crap never ends.... i am sure once the rukhsati is done, its oh why aren't they popping out babies maybe somethings wrong bla bla bla
I was writing a response but then read this one from wildhalcyon. This is very well stated.
there may be cultural expectations, but then its amusing that people would pass cultural expectations and religious.
The best way to explain the rules to your mom and anyone else who disagrees with hubby and wife meeting after nikaah.
If a couple performs a nikaah (but not rukhsati) and then decides to end it, they have to perform the Islamic method of Talaq.You do not need to consummate the marriage in order to end it. (Therefore, you have to be technically married in order to divorce!)
She is entitled to half the mahr if she divorces.
If either party dies after Nikaah but before consummation, the remaining partner is still entitled to be a part of the deceaseds inheritance.
In Islam, the only legal form of marriage is Nikaah. Rukhsati is an Indian term which means sending off (And of course the wedding night).
All the above rules indicate that nikaah is considered legal in the eyes of all Muslims and Allah.
Your mothers concern are about appearing beysharam in front of society. Thats not the case. When Islam has made you halal upon each other, society cannot make haram what Allah has deemed pure.
You should assert your Islamic right but at the same time try to be respectful of your mothers concern and address them by assuring her that you will not do anything to embarass her. That means when going out..dont start making out in public ..or worse still..get pregnant before the official rukhsati!
Just to let you know that I had my nikaah done and my in laws wanted me to go on vacation with them to Lahore. I was reluctant because obviously no rukhsati had happened. We asked a female scholar and she was the one who told us all this.
well ur mother is both right and wrong right because of our society n the back biting n wrong if u consider it islamically but my dear, parents are not always wrong i know a girl who used to go out with her hubby and got preggo before the rukhsati and u know what happened the husband told his family i didnt do anything to make her pg her mother in law made a big issue out of it and the girl had to give a written consent for her husbands second marriage so he went back to his country n got maried there n the girl was forced to get an abortion ......again coz of log kya kahain gay
i know its a rare incident and inshallah nothing like that is gonna happen but i just wanted to share what ppl do and what ppl say so if ur mother is not allowing u then have a talk with her n like nazia mentioned about the time curfew come up with something like that
well ur mother is both right and wrong right because of our society n the back biting n wrong if u consider it islamically but my dear, parents are not always wrong i know a girl who used to go out with her hubby and got preggo before the rukhsati and u know what happened the husband told his family i didnt do anything to make her pg her mother in law made a big issue out of it and the girl had to give a written consent for her husbands second marriage so he went back to his country n got maried there n the girl was forced to get an abortion ......again coz of log kya kahain gay
i know its a rare incident and inshallah nothing like that is gonna happen but i just wanted to share what ppl do and what ppl say so if ur mother is not allowing u then have a talk with her n like nazia mentioned about the time curfew come up with something like that
Just one word of wisdom , no curfew in the world can stop someone from getting pregnant if they want to consummate their wedding , so curfew is pointless.
Nikah and rukhsati should happen concurrently , this concept of rukhsati at a later date is so lame.
What about the raging hormones! How the hell do you control?
Nikkah is good enough to consumate your wedding and hang out and do whatever you want as husband and wife!
while i agree that Islamically you two are married, culturally it will be a stigma if you start taking care of your 'raging hormones' or even dating. Islam teaches us to respect the the culture we live in and it teaches us to respect our elders. Your mother will have to bear the brunt of your decision to date your husband. Would you really want your mother to go through that? She is your mom and loves you, can you imagine the pain she will feel when people talk about you infront of her or behind her back?
So before you make a decision, my advice to you is to think it through. In the end, is it going to be worth it? And Allah Knows best