Re: To be or not to be?
only to smooth out all the past memories and keep every thing normal Psychologically (a win win situation)
u dont need to smooth out 20 years old memories.
sara sandpaper old memories main laga doo gaai tu current relationship ka keya ho ga :)
Re: To be or not to be?
^ Instigating a friendship is not closing a chapter, it's opening a new one. Why do it? Why not leave the past in the past.
at this point of time i am able to undo the damage (I think)
Re: To be or not to be?
Nothing good will come of it. There won't be any closure of any sort at this stage. The closure should already have happened when both of you married others and had your own families.
Re: To be or not to be?
at this point of time i am able to undo the damage (I think)
What have you "done" that cannot be undone? If you've met her socially, don't meet her again and don't include her in your social circle. There is no obligation to continue including her in your life - she IS your PAST!
I wonder does your wife and does her husband know about your past friendship with each other? How do they feel about it? And how would you feel about your wife re-connecting with and socializing with a man who used to like her and wanted to marry her - wouldn't that bother you?
Re: To be or not to be?
What have you "done" that cannot be undone? If you've met her socially, don't meet her again and don't include her in your social circle. There is no obligation to continue including her in your life - she IS your PAST!
I wonder does your wife and does her husband know about your past friendship with each other? How do they feel about it? And how would you feel about your wife re-connecting with and socializing with a man who used to like her and wanted to marry her - wouldn't that bother you?
frankly i was cool with things for so many years, but her presence and charisma changed every thing and now that i know that I am able to manipulate the situation,I cant stop my self
Re: To be or not to be?
frankly i was cool with things for so many years, but her presence and charisma changed every thing and now that i know that I am able to manipulate the situation,I cant stop my self
Then you are a foolish man, and selfish on top of that. Your wife deserves better than a man who remains infatuated with a childhood crush and who wants to make that person part of his life at the risk and expense of his current family.
And funny enough, you didn't answer the question about how your wife and her husband feel about your rekindled friendship and how you would feel about the mother of your children having a "friendship" with another man.
Re: To be or not to be?
Then you are a foolish man, and selfish on top of that. Your wife deserves better than a man who remains infatuated with a childhood crush and who wants to make that person part of his life at the risk and expense of his current family.
And funny enough, you didn't answer the question about how your wife and her husband feel about your rekindled friendship and how you would feel about the mother of your children having a "friendship" with another man.
But I just want to be a friend(full stop)
Re: To be or not to be?
But I just want to be a friend(full stop)
Okay, well then I guess it's perfectly acceptable for your wife to have a dozen male friends (full stop) and your daughter to have two dozen male friends (full stop) - since friendship of this nature is harmless after all. You won't question your wife or your daughter for their actions.
Are you so lacking in friends that life without the friendship of this woman would be incomplete? You don't talk about her as a friend - you talk about her being charming and your heart being jump started - those aren't friendly feelings but romantic feelings. Yet you're being willfully blind about your own motivation.
I know I sound harsh, but your actions merit such criticism. You are only looking at your own wants and not considering how others would feel as a result of your actions.
Re: To be or not to be?
Okay, well then I guess it's perfectly acceptable for your wife to have a dozen male friends (full stop) and your daughter to have two dozen male friends (full stop) - since friendship of this nature is harmless after all. You won't question your wife or your daughter for their actions.
Are you so lacking in friends that life without the friendship of this woman would be incomplete? You don't talk about her as a friend - you talk about her being charming and your heart being jump started - those aren't friendly feelings but romantic feelings. Yet you're being willfully blind about your own motivation.
I know I sound harsh, but your actions merit such criticism. You are only looking at your own wants and not considering how others would feel as a result of your actions.
cant the friendship be like with a coworker/neighbor/classmate
Re: To be or not to be?
dude......you know its wrong......its upto you to do the right thing or wrong thing.......
you can try to delude yourself into thinking there is a valid reason/excuse.......but there isn't any....
Re: To be or not to be?
Hi folks,
I would like to get your opinion about a situation.I had a crush on a girl when i was a teen.then we moved our ways, now after 20 years when she is married with kids and i am married with kids, we meet in a family function and things changed. all of my teen memories and heart wanted me to jump start at least a friendly Friendship but the mind says No WAY.She is also keeping distance from me, Please Advice me cos I feel like a tea pot which is in boiling water up to its neck yet whistling
Is wifey allowed have such friendship ? if not, stop being an a$#. Justice is good.
Re: To be or not to be?
[quote="“confused40, post:30, topic:249170"”]
cant the friendship be like with a coworker/neighbor/classmate
[/quote]
NO IT CAN’T!!!
Your own words:
[quote="“confused40, post:25, topic:183684"”]
I had a crush on a girl when i was a teen.…all of my teen memories and heart wanted me to jump start at least a friendly Friendship but the mind says No WAY.… I feel like a tea pot which is in boiling water up to its neck yet whistling
[/quote]
^ Here you sound jealous.
[quote="“confused40, post:168, topic:248349"”]
only **to smooth out all the past memories **and keep every thing normal Psychologically (a win win situation)
[/quote]
Why are your past memories controlling your future?
[quote="“confused40, post:43, topic:249073"”]
frankly i was cool with things for so many years, but her presence and charisma changed every thing and now that i know that I am able to manipulate the situation,I cant stop my self
[/quote]
The sentiments you’ve described are not sentiments one has for a classmate or coworker.
And funny enough you mentioned in your very first post that she has been avoiding you. Respect her wishes as well. She seems sensible enough to know the difference between right and wrong and is staying away to avoid a potentially bad situation.
Re: To be or not to be?
dude......you know its wrong......its upto you to do the right thing or wrong thing....... you can try to delude yourself into thinking there is a valid reason/excuse.......but there isn't any....
Actually I am an old guppy (from the EMM (queen of gupshup) era) and just testing water before jumping into it.
Re: To be or not to be?
Actually I am an old guppy (from the EMM (queen of gupshup) era) and just testing water before jumping into it.
Aap khud bhi doobaingay aur auron ko bhi apnay saat lay doobayngay.
Re: To be or not to be?
Aap khud bhi doobaingay aur auron ko bhi apnay saat lay doobayngay.
OK what if I just dont do nothing and only keep my presence in picture?
Re: To be or not to be?
OK what if I just dont do nothing and only keep my presence in picture?
Because even your very presence in her life can be fodder for people to gossip or doubt her character. Separate your life from her life ENTIRELY. You do her a disservice by giving others opportunity to cast aspersions on her character - that's NOT an act of friendship.
I've said and Mirch has said above - how would you feel if the role was reversed and a man from your wife's past wanted to come back into her life? Would you doubt your wife's fidelity, would you doubt the intentions of that man (especially knowing how men can care/love more than one women at a time).
Re: To be or not to be?
Because even your very presence in her life can be fodder for people to gossip or doubt her character. Separate your life from her life ENTIRELY. You do her a disservice by giving others opportunity to cast aspersions on her character - that's NOT an act of friendship.
I've said and Mirch has said above - how would you feel if the role was reversed and a man from your wife's past wanted to come back into her life? Would you doubt your wife's fidelity, would you doubt the intentions of that man (especially knowing how men can care/love more than one women at a time).
thanks but no one knows about it.
Re: To be or not to be?
:hinna: You’re trying to rationalize your wrong actions and want the posters on this board to say what you’re doing is right and to bless your actions. I have yet to see a poster agree with you in this matter - it seems as if everyone here universally agrees that what you want to do is wrong.
At the end of the day, you alone are responsible for your own actions and the consequences of your actions - do what you will. And while a lot of other posters inspire the empathy and compassion of others - when your life goes pear-shaped, I will be the FIRST to say “I told you so.”
Allah aap ko hidayat dein aur aap ko sahi aur ghalat ki pehchaan aur samajh ki taufeeq ata karein. That’s all I’ve got for you :hinna:
Re: To be or not to be?
at this point i cant stop my self
Re: To be or not to be?
at this point i cant stop my self
its all good. We all have to learn our lessons. :)