Salaams friends,
I am new to Paklinks forum I hope you are all well…
I have been reading many things on forum feels like a nice family on here. I was wondering about marriage, being a 24 year old woman and if there will be anyone for me? I mean this for arranged or finding someone myself. When having people come over there haven’t been the right people, either very different families or something has been up with the guy. After a while parents get frustrated too and it’s upsetting when it seems like you are being picky but you know you are not when it’s a very important decision.
Could anyone possibly offer some advice or anything to give me hope or feel better?
24? its not old at all. You shouldn't even be worrying about this. Think about what you need to do, your career, your goals in life and just try to make yourself better. The marriage thing will happen when its the right time. Keep seeing people .. there are a lot of fish in the sea.
I think we should make FAQ thread because some of the topics come here too often.
Yeah I agree with pisiform your so young still! I can understand why you may feel slightly pressured to settle down and whatnot mainly because often girls get married in there very early 20s but think about it, 24 is still so young!
Keep looking because the right guy is out there and he will come to you in the right time. Don't rush it, just let things kinda fall in place organically!
Btw Happy New Years!! May be your year to get hitched iA xx
Did you happen to come across the thread I’m linking below while reading many things in this forum? Because that thread alone should let you know that you have nothing to worry about at 24. I didn’t meet my own husband until my late 20’s.
You have plenty of time to find the right person. 26-27 is a nice age but I personally think up to 30 is fine. Even over this is fine if you are career orientated, concentrate on that if u can for now. It is important to find the right person, these things shouldn't be rushed just for the sake of getting married. Yes it can be frustrating and upsetting and drain you emotionally but don't give it so much importance that it has be done now. Give it time, this is the rest of your life we are talking about.
This age thing is such a desi thing. So what if you reach a certain age? The main thing it is important for is for child bearing. Other wise if you are on the straight path then what should it matter? Desi aunties have sons in their 40's n look for girls for them in their early 20's.
Thank you friends for the kind lovely words..yes inshallah will try and not think about it too much, sometimes is hard when parents do it though. Alhumdulillah i have done my degree and am now a teacher in the UK and am happy with my career, maybe abit too absorbed in it but teaching here isn't easy with the amount of work you have to do..
Lots of love to you all and thanks again for your kind words and making me feel welcome on here
Thank you friends for the kind lovely words..yes inshallah will try and not think about it too much, sometimes is hard when parents do it though. Alhumdulillah i have done my degree and am now a teacher in the UK and am happy with my career, maybe abit too absorbed in it but teaching here isn't easy with the amount of work you have to do..
Lots of love to you all and thanks again for your kind words and making me feel welcome on here
You say you are already absorbed in your job which is a good thing, concentrate and also there are many opportunities for you such as taking up extra curricular activities and aiming for head of department/year. I also used to tutor from home outside of school hours before I had my kids.
Sadly I felt the pressure at 24 myself. I have seen others go thru it. It's the most suckiest feeling ever, I was even told my time was up at my parents house, and it stung like nothing before :-/
10 years later down the road with 3 kids of my own; my husband and I are so not going to do this our children, we are ready to chuck people out of our lives if any bakwas gets thrown our or our children's way in 20+ years.
PS. How do you deal with family who are the ones putting most of the pressure?
Thank you Royal Gala, you have summed up exactly what it is like. That is the case especially if parents have been looking for ages. Can't blame parents though at all through everything they have done and provided for me since a baby, it seems it's the fault of society. When people get married the one question they get asked is do they have kids/how many kids? It's so sad, others should mine their own business. They don't know the circumstances of our situation.
Thinks do come to the point just like you said of time being up at home, or them not looking anymore and rather for a younger sibling. The sad reason is because when people send numbers to you or they get parents contact details some of the conversations they have with the parents is disheartening- i have lots of respect for anyone who goes through that. Things like: Colour, age (too old no too young), we don't want someone who wear hijab, height, uni education etc etc. So will phone calls of sometimes people who really aren't nice i get disheartens parents, then would get taken out on me. But then I have to remind them of why the past rishta did not go well etc. I thought maybe if I got younger it was better as I would be more moldable but i here but with that people take advantage of you in that case. My parent's worry is if I dont get married till 30 and that will find it harder to get married with men wanting younger wives. In one or two cases it has happened with people we know and is very sad but each circumstance is different.. I tell them also that it's better to be sure then get married and have problems but their statement is some people seem lovely before marriage and into something different. I try to be positive but takes alot of patience to listen and take what they say in when they are worried...inshallah just would ask for all of us to have great eman that everything would happen for the best.
Alhumdulillah thank you for your lovely reply and thanks for those of you with your kind words above too
Salaams friends,
I am new to Paklinks forum I hope you are all well...
I have been reading many things on forum feels like a nice family on here. I was wondering about marriage, being a 24 year old woman and if there will be anyone for me? I mean this for arranged or finding someone myself. When having people come over there haven't been the right people, either very different families or something has been up with the guy. After a while parents get frustrated too and it's upsetting when it seems like you are being picky but you know you are not when it's a very important decision.
Could anyone possibly offer **some advice or anything** to give me** hope or feel better**?
Thank you very much x
If only to make you feel better I can offer you apna Rishta!!
Salaams friends,
I am new to Paklinks forum I hope you are all well...
I have been reading many things on forum feels like a nice family on here. I was wondering about marriage, being a 24 year old woman and if there will be anyone for me? I mean this for arranged or finding someone myself. When having people come over there haven't been the right people, either very different families or something has been up with the guy. After a while parents get frustrated too and it's upsetting when it seems like you are being picky but you know you are not when it's a very important decision.
Could anyone possibly offer some advice or anything to give me hope or feel better?
Thank you very much x
If you are done with your education, think about it, but certainly don't get stressed over it. You still have time.
being 24 is like stepping into the age group which is right for girl to get married and not stepping out
Also do not invite people just because "there is no harm in checking them". Pre-screen the family/guy and then extend the invitation. Open house attracts too much of unwanted/non-serious traffic and it takes toll on parent's/girl's mind. If you are done with the education and doing nothing, think about working even if its for part time and if you are not dont with education, I am not sure why you even posted :)
being 24 is like stepping into the age group which is right for girl to get married and not stepping out
Also do not invite people just because "there is no harm in checking them". Pre-screen the family/guy and then extend the invitation. Open house attracts too much of unwanted/non-serious traffic and it takes toll on parent's/girl's mind. If you are done with the education and doing nothing, think about working even if its for part time and if you are not dont with education, I am not sure why you even posted :)
Awwww some of you are so sweet on here. Yeah I'm working as a teacher so that's always keeping me busy. It's just when parents get worried and people start asking how old is your daughter, and then parents think people will talk. I think it comes from the thinking where some people believe you should be married by 21-24, but I believe everything happens for a reason. The first post i messaged on this thread was when I was feeling very down by being put down (which i explained before and few others did too) and wanted to speak to people about this from a similar background.
I know you can never plan out your life to the core, you can only just try. Marriage is for life, not about getting married just for the sake because just if i get married to make others happy they don't know what's happening in my married life. I think this to try to be positive. But some of you might be familiar will be from a situation in life when your views vs your family's so you have to be strong yourself
24 is not at all old! I know many who got married in their thirties. First of all relax and calm down. There's no rush and don't just marry the first person you come across blindly without knowing them, just because you're worried your time is running out.
Also, if you want to find someone yourself, try being more social and go to various social events etc that may be going on around you.
InshaAllah you'll find someone and remember, it's all fate anyway. However, you need to actively look as well.
Don't fix any age for marriage and don't be nitpicking everyone. Have some solid requirements and be flexible on others. It will happen when it's supposed to.
This age thing is such a desi thing. So what if you reach a certain age? The main thing it is important for is for child bearing. Other wise if you are on the straight path then what should it matter? Desi aunties have sons in their 40's n look for girls for them in their early 20's.
But these desi aunties will not marry their 20 year old daughters to a 40 year old. Double standards. :/
At 24 only 2 out of my 20 female friends were married so these days getting hitched right out of uni is not the norm. Even now half my female friends are unmarried. So internally you should relax.
All the battle you need to do is external. Your parents are worried so take their words as people who're freaking out because of their own external pressures. Petty busybody relatives can be chaotic. Even my dad sometimes freaked out after phone calls from his sister who would cry over his shoulder about what would happen to her unmarried daughter in her 40s after they died. So panic mode on. God knows how many other people were being nasty about me studying too much.
So understand your parents fear but don't let their or anyone's anxiety belittle you or make you think you were lesser. You are young so take this opportunity to have fun because I'm watching my married cousins and they're very limited because of kids, evil inlaws. You're not trapped by studies or married life so take the opportunity to utilise the time.
You will find the right guy when it's time, inshallah. Just keep praying consistently for a good future.