How common is it for men to threaten divorce as a way to hurt or otherwise control their wives?
Is this a common trait amongst desi/Muslim men, or is it really just down to the individual?
ps by no means is this a (desi) male bashing thread but the only reason i ask is because alot of my interaction with males happens to be desi Muslims.
Re: Threatening divorce
Unfortunately it is a sad truth atleast in the ppl i know, and to be honest ppl over use it.
Re: Threatening divorce
very rarely in my experience.....
Re: Threatening divorce
very rarely have i come across a desi guy threatening divorce … Cant say so about molvi’s though… they are nuts and go "aaj dinner mai salt kum hai , so lets divorce you and get another wife " 
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Once you say something in anger, you cannot take it back. Sure you can suck-up, you can apologize and say you didnt mean it and all that. But fact is, you SAID it. It cannot be unsaid.
If my hubs ever told me that he regretted marrying me or told me that he'd divorce me, things would never be the same, I would not be able to forget. Sure I'd forgive and move on. But it would never leave my mind that he said these things to me.
Never argue or fight until y0ou can control what you say.
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Threatening divorce is reprehensible but I don't think "desi/Muslim" men are afflicted with this "trait." At least those people that I know have never betrayed such tendencies.
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i know one dude who deliberately says this to his wife so that she can change her ways. he knows she hates it but he doesnt care.
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i don't think its common, by no means considered 'normal' in a typical marriage, it would have to be a pretty dysfunctional marriage for it to come up as a threat. on the contrary, i find divorce to be a pretty taboo topic in a desi household, its considered like the end of the world.
Re: Threatening divorce
I've heard people say "Apni ammi ke ghar chalay jao, it'll be fine with me". Not cool, and it's just a hurtful thing to say to your spouse.
But yeah, I see that being used as the last resort. Threats to leave home, or have the wife shipped back to her parents, or threats that he'll call her parents and tell them what she is doing/saying.
Which I don't really hear girls say stuff like "I'm gonna call your mom and tell on you"...because she knows her MIL will take the son's side anyway.
Not the case for girl's families. If the hubby complains about his wife to her parents, in my family, it means the situation has really gotten out of hand and the husband wants mediation. It's happened to one of my khalas, and my dad did that like twice to my mom where he called her brother and asked that either they talk to her to calm her down, or she can go back to Pakistan to her family. So her family spoke to her and told her to quit yapping at her husband about her inlaws.
Either way, the last time they got in a fight, I got involved and said, you don't DARE threaten my mother and say you're going to leave her or send her back to Pakistan after all the saccrifices she has made for you. I, in turn, gave my dad a taste of his own medicine - I said, fine, you can threaten my mother, and I'll just threaten you : You will not see me, hear from me, see any of my financial support, and I will make sure you die a lonely pathetic old depressed man living on the streets with beggars for the rest of your life if you leave my mom or kick her out of the home.
That pretty much fixed the problem.
Men who threaten to keep people in line - eventually, their own kids threaten them to keep them in line. My khaloo doesn't mess with my khala anymore either, because her two sons will take the father down if he tries to kick his wife out of his house. It worked when the kids were little and wife was vulnerable. Doesn't work when the kids stand up to their father to ensure he stays in line.
Having said that, my dad is unbelievably caring towards my mother. It's just that when they do fight, it can get pretty bad. And it's always because she made some remark about her in-laws. So it goes both ways. Both husband and wife need to respect each other, and moreover, in every possible way. It's not enough to respect each other 99%, except in areas like in-laws. Just be nice and respectful, even if you dont like certain habits or your inlaws or whatever. There is no need for threats or trashy attitudes in a marriage.
Re: Threatening divorce
i know one dude who deliberately says this to his wife so that she can change her ways. he knows she hates it but he doesnt care.
men like that are pigs
i know one dude who deliberately says this to his wife so that she can change her ways. he knows she hates it but he doesnt care.
mine used to be the same.... yeah its all about 'changing her ways'
hubby says "that word"should not be in our vocabulary for any reason whatsoever.
However just recenctly a newly wedded friends of ours went through this where he actually said it and it was turmoil for a long time, they are back to normal though........for now
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I have receieved this threat so many times
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It's really manipulation at the end of the day and shows you don't respect your wife as a human being. That or you're so angry and hurt that you're not even thinking straight.
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Simply pathetic. I believe it's common, during the preparation of nikah nama the elders simply cross that option "Whether the husband has delegated the power of divorce to the wife. If so, under what conditions" or write simply "NO" and men mostly take advantage of this power.
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I didn't know that was a clause on the nikkahnama.
Why don't women read that crap before signing??
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clause no 19 on nikah nama gives the right of divorce to a woman
How common is it for men to threaten divorce as a way to hurt or otherwise control their wives?
Is this a common trait amongst desi/Muslim men, or is it really just down to the individual?
ps by no means is this a (desi) male bashing thread but the only reason i ask is because alot of my interaction with males happens to be desi Muslims.
I personally don't know of anyone who used it as a threat.
i know one dude who deliberately says this to** his wife so that she can change her ways. **he knows she hates it but he doesnt care.
So I guess wife did not care about what hubby felt about her "ways" ?
Honey, there are some things a man would rather die before saying, this is one of them. If the man is not complete a-hole wife need to find out what drove man to that point.
If situation persist its not gonna lead to any thing good. Trust me!!
So I guess wife did not care about what hubby felt about her "ways" ?
Honey, there are some things a man would rather die before saying, this is one of them. If the man is not complete a-hole wife need to find out what drove man to that point.
If situation persist its not gonna lead to any thing good. Trust me!!
Maybe it's just me so I apologize if I come across as aggressive or negative but I see the highlighted comment as being equivalent to "Her skirt was too short so she provoked a rape."
Not all men that throw this kind of threat around need to be a-holes.....I'm sure there are enough replies here that will testify to that.