I need an opinion on a rather superficial matter a close friend of mine asked my opinion on. She has been speaking to someone she quite likes and is planning to introduce him to her family this coming weekend. Her parents seem alright with her taking the initiative to find someone, provided she tells them about it and introduces the gentleman to the family. The guy she has been speaking to seems quite nice, respectful, and seems to have everything in order career-wise. The only issue seems to be that he has a couple tattoos (one is actually a half sleeve and quite visible when dressed casually, which he almost never is though) and my friend is concerned that her parents, especially her mum, will be put off by this since tattoos have a rather negative connotation. She asked my opinion on whether she should mention this to her parents (as they may get a glance of it anyway) or hide it for now (although I’m not sure how one would do this).
I think she should just tell them about it since they’re bound to see it at some point and make their own judgments. Why delay the inevitable? What do you guys think?
Get them used to the idea so its not a shocker...she should have an open discussion about this with her parents before they meet him. She should ask them to evaluate him as if he didn't have any tattoos. Also, she should start talking about his more positive traits and play them up. It won't be fair to him if he walks in and all they know about him is that he has a tattoo.
Well, when the guy wears a full sleeve dress shirt, his tattoos are hidden right? Its not like the tattoos are on his face, neck, or fingers. If they are on his arms, it shouldn't be too difficult to hide b/c I know professionals who manage to hide them every single day.
As for sharing this with her parents….if this was me, I would not tell my parents before the wedding b/c I know my parents (especially mom) would be biased by it & would not be able to move past it. However, once the wedding is done….my mother would gripe about it for a while but would get over it b/c it's not like she'd want me to get divorced over this. In my personal opinion, not every single detail about a potential spouse needs to be shared with parents. Especially when that detail doesn't effect that person's current/future lifestyle & the person getting married (ie. the girl in this case) is ok with it.
However, if the girl is adamant about telling her parents….I would recommend waiting until AFTER they have met the guy & formed an initial opinion. If they know about the tattoo now, it will be impossible for them not to be effected to it. That's all they'll think about when the guy is sitting across from them. I would say have the parents meet the guy….then find out what their initial impression is. THEN let them know about the tattoo before a 2nd meeting.
My husband has a tattoo but it can't be seen when he's dressed.. I didn't mention it because I knew my mum in particular would freak out.. she'd make assumptions about the kind of person he was and I didn't want the extra drama..
If she sees it now she'll probably grumble but get over it.. I have a small discreet tattoo and she was like that with me..
So, one should risk their family jewels for a tattoo?
Btw, for me, I am really put off by tattoos especially the big ones. Why desecrate what god gave you by putting pictures on it? If you like pictures, then wear a shirt or better yet, get fake tattoos or henna tattoos.
I do not understand why she would want to tell her parents about his tattoo. It has nothing to do with anything that affects their relationship. If things work out and her parents happen to see it then they'll have to accept it but at least they won't judge him for it initially. It's not fair to her potential spouse to walk into a room where the only thing his future inlaws are doing are thinking about his tattoo while he's there. Plus, it's between you and your spouse, why should her parents have to find out about that, it doesn't concern them. Reverse the roles and imagine the guys side judging the girl for some kind of quirk, it wouldn't be fair so I would say, it not need to be mentioned.
I'm curious why she feels the need to tell them even when she knows they might not understand and freak out. Some things should stay between the two people involved, personal decision like tattoos that have nothing to do with anyone else especially since the girl doesn't seem to mind, should not be brought up. He can flaunt it when they have had a chance to judge his character as opposed to his personal decision that doesn't concern them. Let him make his own first impression.
^The reason she feels the need to mention this to her parents is that they have a tendency to be rather judgemental when first getting to know someone (once you get to know them though, they’re quite nice) and she is concerned that they will catch of glimpse of his tattoos and jump to conclusions since tattoos have a rather negative connotation for our parents’ generation. She thinks that if she tells them first, she’ll be able to explain and keep them from getting a bad impression of him before actually getting to know him.
Paheli and couple of other people have also mentioned that it’s possible to hide tattoos and still be professional, depending on the location and such. Here’s what we’re actually talking about:
**Yes, we did ask if it was okay to post the image.
I personally can't stand tattoos but if she can, good for them! However i'd still let my parents know but only after they have first formed an opinion on him based on their first meeting.
She thinks that if she tells them first, she'll be able to explain and keep them from getting a bad impression of him before actually getting to know him.
She's wrong. If her parents (especially mom) is really against tattoos, then there is no way they can stop themselves from judging him negatively once they know his arm is covered with it.
Paheli and couple of other people have also mentioned that it's possible to hide tattoos and still be professional, depending on the location and such. Here's what we're actually talking about:
So if he wears a full sleeve dress shirt, that covers the tattoo? There are 2 people at my workplace who have similar tattoos (ie. it covers their entire arm), and they manage to hide it every day by wearing full sleeves. For the little bit on the side of his hand, he can easily cover that with some theater grade concealor.
Again if your friend really wants to share this information with her parents before the wedding, she should at least wait until they have met him once or twice & gotten to know him a little.
Ask him to put long on a sleeve shirt and to cover the tattoo on his hand, put a bandage or similar. The main thing here is the first impression of the guy. If he fails it, then there will be no 2nd chance.
