We hear many stories of the women who married in their 20s, but what about the experiences and wisdoms from the women who married 30+.
Let’s hear them!
Children, couple dynamics, communication, etc etc.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
how about 30+ men marrying?
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
let the gals, voice their opinion first
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
You wont find them, because most people here think a woman shouldn't be any older than 23 when getting married.
If there weren't actual laws these people would have to follow they'd be getting their girls married at 9 like Aisha (R) and quoting Sunnah. Forget it man, the idea of being 30's and getting married explodes their brains.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
insert forever alone meme
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
probably something to do with
"Women are most vulnerable below 30, and most dangerous above 30"
don't know the source or authenticity of this statement, just heard it somewhere.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
I also want to hear what people say about that . Probably I'll also get married in my 30s or may be late 20s ,as I am 25 already and marriage isn't something on the list filhaal . Everyone has the same advice to offer , that It'll be too late .
Wesay uptill now it has been the norm in my family . Women marry after their 30s . But for some reasons they have had issues with conceiving . Can't say what has been the reason for that but now everyone has started to believe that it is because of late marriages . Don't know how true that can be .
One of my cousin married for 4 years now is in her mid 30s . She just adopted a child few months back . Another cousin married for almost 5 years is still trying for a baby . Another cousin of mine married for 4 years was finally able to conceive after visiting a number of doctors . She had premature twins but Alhamdulilah they are much much better now .
I do feel that when women marry in their 30s they are in a hurry to start a family.Raising a child is not easier emotionally as well as financially . She needs to have the strength and energy to raise children. For women who get married in their 20s they have a lot of time to spend with their husbands without worrying about starting a family .
Again it depends on the individual , when ever they feel they are ready for marriage that is the right time to get married .
My baba got married very late , so now when he is retired and plus 60 . His youngest daugther is still going to school while his colleagues are retired and have no responsibilities as all children are married and settled .
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
I know someone in my social circle who got married at 33 or 34, seemed to have no issues conceiving. Is very happy and content with her life mA. the shock and horrors 
and FYI: I know it’s hard to believe but fertility issues can happen to those who get married in their early 20s as well. Shock and horrors again
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
That is true Sara . It can happen to anyone irrespective of their age . My point was that fertility issues are so common in my family that eventually you can say that may be its kind of a " Wehm " that we all have k its because of the age factor .As everyone gets married after 30 . Among all my cousins no body has ever gotten married in their 20's yet .
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Some thoughts on the fertility comments:
1) Whether married or not, if a woman has any concerns about her fertility (especially if there is a family history of GYN issues), she should start visiting a GYN regularly in her early 20's so a potential problem could be spotted early. All these stories of some who had trouble conceiving in their 30's, who is to say that their reproductive issues weren't there when they were younger? Yes, I am aware that a woman's chances go down AFTER 35. But its silly for anyone to assume that just b/c a woman has trouble getting pregnant 30+, its automatically due to their age only. I believe we have several members on this forum who had plenty of trouble conceiving in their 20's.
2) My mom gave birth to me when she was 29. But she had my younger siblings at the age of 38 and 39. Back home without IVF or any other fertility treatment. I have 2 close friends who gave birth in the last 3 months well into their 30's (one 32, another 35). Another friend who is 34 just announced her pregnancy...she's due next May. I can go on and on making a list of women I know (my co-workers, husband's co-workers, friends etc.) who had no trouble conceiving and had a healthy pregnancy well into their 30's. Heck one of my friend's wife got pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy at 42!
I think one reason we desis tend to have such a negative view is b/c within the desi community, women having kids well into their 30's isn't very common. But you start making friends with/getting to know white/black/mexican etc. women......you'll see PLENTY of examples of women popping out kids after 30. Heck go visit parenting forums on makeupalley/bump etc. and see the ages of many of the women there. I don't think desi women have a different reproductive system than women of other races.
Now onto the thread topic....I got married in my 30's. We were dating for a few years but chose to wait until hubby was fully done with his residency/fellowship and had worked for at least a year. Because we were already "older", we anticipated and had discussions on important "logical" points before marriage. We weren't focused on and blinded by the romance/love/fairy tale notions that I often see from couples who are in their early/mid 20's. While the wedding was important to us, we were able to recognize that the wedding is just 1 day which really kept the stress/disagreements in check. Looking back to when I was in my early/mid 20's, I had plenty of those false romantic notions about marriage too so I don't necessarily blame others for having them.
Since we were both 100% done with our education and had stable/well-paid jobs, money has not been an issue since day 1 of marriage. We don't argue about money or have constant stressors b/c we can't afford the lifestyle we want. Both of our jobs require long/stressful hours but when we want to relax and enjoy our free time, we're able to do that. I don't think this would have been the case had we gotten married earlier.
Its hard to put into words but I just think differently now than I did in my 20's. I feel more stable and more sure of what I want. I am able to recognize the things I am willing to fight for and things that I can let go b/c they're not that important to me. When I look back to how I was in my early-mid 20's, I was different. How I imagined/planned my future to be.....that's not how I think/feel today. I did date other guys back then and looking back, realize just how immature I was when handling those relationships. I allowed my emotions (and Bollywood lol) to control many of my reactions/expectations. But now that I'm older and have spent time finishing education/working for several years......which allowed me to come across many people who are older......hearing others stories (good and bad) has given me the time to process a lot and realize how certain things can really hurt a marriage.
Things are far from perfect but I have no regrets on waiting.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Completely agree with all Paheli's comments about fertility. Although the chances of conceiving go down after 35, if there are fertility issues, the majority of those would have been present while the woman was in her 20's as well. I know a number of women in their early 30's (mostly non desi) who have fallen pregnant through a bit of carelessness because they were under the impression that it would be harder for them to conceive... if you're fertile, you'll still be fertile in your 30's!
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Me...I got married in my 30's.
No regrets and I think it as good that i waited as long as I did. I like where I am right now.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
hello there! first off welcome to gupshup.
As a woman who married 30+, I will say once again … chronological age doesn’t have as much (or even anything) to do with a successful marriage as does mental maturity, a genuine regard/respect for your partner and ability to compromise/go with the flow/adaptation to changes in life that are inevitable with marriage and then parenthood.
since I may end up being the only woman on this form coming fwd to admit 
to a “late” marriage *(*oh i stand corrected … plenty of ballsy ladies on here!)**… let me take the opportunity to dispel some stereotypes/fears as i address the subtopics you have listed/are interested in.
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communication:
This is key to any marriage regardless of age. Though Ive come across some v well spoken younger individuals and some teenage -like awkward 30+ beings … i think its no secret. with age comes confidence … comfort in your own skin … firmness of thought and the ability to communicate with an audience (including your spouse) without fear.
for myself … I “talked” with my husband for 3 yrs before i married him. we had met online … not on a matchmaking site … and became friends … which grew into more over time. we didn’t date … unless you are one of those ppl who quate any talking to a member of opposite gender dating. -
Couple dynamics
We chose each other. got families involved. physically met him twice after that (with knowledge and consent of family). There was some good old drama … his side: she is too old, probably set in her ways, brought up in west and has a career … she wont make a good wife as per the usual pakistani thinking. My side: how dare they say no … you are a catch! (have you ever met a family who doesnt think their son/daughter/bro/sis is a catch} we are insulted and we wont proceed even if they around now …
Him n I: remained polite (wasnt easy) n firm in our decision. Both sides came around (reluctantly) eventually. We married 4 yrs ago in pk.
Being in our 30s … we were both finished completely with our respective education, both employed and financially independent.
neither of us believes in division of labor or finances … so we have joint everything and we make all financial decisions together. We both pitch in for whatever needs to be done at home … though I am the one who cooks/cleans most frequently (im better at it). we both work full time. he is a chill dude and im type A. he is punjabi … im not. he is more religious … im more spiritual. he likes rice … i like roti. we both love chai
he makes me laugh like no other and over the last 4 years ive come to rely on him more then i ever expected i would. -
Children:
we had both wanted to start a family right away and did so. we have a 3yo girl and a second baby due to arrive any day now.
both were conceived naturally (no medical intervention). Both pregnancies have been full term, healthy and without issues … such that I have been to able to continue work till the end. i returned to work full time after my first … and intend to do same after the second.
parenting … lol … no manual for this … its a learn on the job kind of deal … regardless of age of parents.
he is a good/hands on/involved father and that makes it possible for me to maintain/continue my career. me … i try to be a good wife
and that includes cooking/cleaning/laundry for him… etc…
overall … cant complain. we are blessed. life is good. alhumdulillah.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Yep..it is same as clogged arteries…it can happen any time.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Fertility does drop off after 35 but that isn't an absolute for everyone.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
Here's another point I wanted to add regarding fertility: Men can have issues too! Anytime we hear that a couple is having trouble conceiving....especially if the couple is 30+, we automatically tend to assume it's b/c of the woman and her age. The fact is that often, we don't know whether the issue is with the woman or the man.
And let's face it.....how many desi women would actually admit to someone that she can't get pregnant or had to get IVF b/c there were "issues" with her husband.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
^not just fertility issues. increasing paternal age also contributes to increase in some genetic disorders in offspring.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
My sister in laws ( nands) married in their 30s. First one married when she was 35, both work, she had a kid 9 months later, but had trouble conceiving her second one, she finally had her second one at 42, no ivf but she did see a doctor as she kept having miscarriages. Marriage is good AH.
Second married when she was 37, she used to be very depressed before but became a new and happy person when she got married. No kids.
Third got married when she was 38, has a great marriage and 2 kids. Had her first at 40 and the second at 42. Has a great marriage too, changed a lot after marriage that is became vey happy.
Fourth got married at 31, couldn't conceive for 3 years, after going to the doc ( no ivf) finally had a baby, then another one some yeRs later and her third at 43. Has a good marriage.
Fifth got married at 32, has a good marriage and is happy. Had trouble conceiving but has an almost 3 year old now. Is trying again and she is 41.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
I think age is less of a factor in a marriage...its more about mental maturity and the ability to be able to take what comes your way after marriage.
Re: Those who married when they were 30+, what is your relationship like?
my male cousin was 32 and the wife 31 when they got married. got a baby when she was 33. Mashallah, that's a happy couple.
One of my girl cousin got married at the age of 33, although she had always preferred to start a family 2,3 years after the marriage but everyone told her at she must not delay it further at the age of 33, she had her first baby within one year who is 2plus now.