There is so much negativity in new generation of desi boys and girls about arranged marriages. They say they cannot marry a stranger , they want to know a person before they get married to that person.
I wonder, though, how can you decide that this one is for me about a boy or a girl just based on some chit chat or a few meetings or few questions and answers.
A person has a complete personality which develops over the years. How is it possible to judge that personality in short period of time ?
So your assessment of a person can be right or wrong. It means it is a risk anyways if it is arranged or love marriage.
In case of arranged marriages I see one advantage though that since elders are wiser and have more experience in judging people there is less chance of them going wrong when they select someone to get their son or daughter married to.
I have no problems with an arranged marriage as long as I know the girl well before hand. I am frankly a difficult person to live with. I am generally spoiled by the female friends I have and linked that with a caring younger sister and an over protective mother, my wife is basically going to consider me a brat. Thus the requirement for getting to know the girl and if me and her mesh.
Also in my line of work I would need a wife that can go from discussing how to make Daal to the latest political and economic developments around the world in mere seconds. There is no harm in getting to know someone before marriage. I honestly believe it is important. But there are two truths I will never break. You can thank my mother and didi for this brain washing.
Marriage in our society is between families. No matter how much you think its just you and the spouse it isn't. Family background and values play a very very big role. The second is too long winded for me to post.
mere shaadi main 12 din baaqee hain or main apnay UN k sirf naam or kaam say hee waqif hoon chusni
even maini koi tasveer bhi nahi dekhee mujhay nahi pata tha woh kalay hain ya goray patlay hain ya motay ..lambay hain ya chotay ..
mere dono bhaiioon nay baree koshish kee k main tasveer dekh loon .. yahan tak kay desk top per set ker dee k computer on keray gee to dekh lay gee smilestar
lakin mainy phir bhi nahi dekhee ...itnee acheeeeeeeeeee bachi hoon main
blush
yeh alag baat hay mere bhai ammi cousions sub tasveer dekh dekh ker mujhay tafseelat batlaatay rehtay hain smack
I have no problems with an arranged marriage as long as I know the girl well before hand. I am frankly a difficult person to live with. I am generally spoiled by the female friends I have and linked that with a caring younger sister and an over protective mother, my wife is basically going to consider me a brat. Thus the requirement for getting to know the girl and if me and her mesh.
Also in my line of work I would need a wife that can go from discussing how to make Daal to the latest political and economic developments around the world in mere seconds. There is no harm in getting to know someone before marriage. I honestly believe it is important. But there are two truths I will never break. You can thank my mother and didi for this brain washing.
Marriage in our society is between families. No matter how much you think its just you and the spouse it isn't. Family background and values play a very very big role. The second is too long winded for me to post.
We have so much in common bro lol.
i was gona make the same comment.
You will never get to know a person until you are married to them......no matter how many yrs you date.
Just take a look at the divorce rates in America....these people here date for years, fall in love and live together before marriage........yet the majority of these couples end up divorced.
Did they know each other well before marriage? Obviously not.
I am sorry the high divorce rate is not attributed to them not knowing each other. It is attributed to them unwilling to compromise. This is a major with most modern marriages and specifically why I will not have an arranged marriage. I do not wish to marry one of those Pakistani girls that thinks her way is the right way and whatever daddy did is how I should do stuff.
I am going to refrain from commenting further on the compromise issue.
I am sorry the high divorce rate is not attributed to them not knowing each other. It is attributed to them unwilling to compromise. This is a major with most modern marriages and specifically why I will not have an arranged marriage. I do not wish to marry one of those Pakistani girls that thinks her way is the right way and whatever daddy did is how I should do stuff.
I am going to refrain from commenting further on the compromise issue.
ok well if they were living together before marriage....then they should have had the compromise bit taken care by the time they got married. fact remains...they changed...they didnt know each other the way they thought.
Arrange marriages are fine but bilkul hi naa milna or wait kerna last night tak is not sensibility.I think people should know a little before marriage whon they are gonna marry, as some poster said here marriage is between two families it is true and we have to consider this thing because it does play a big role.But I think one should talk to each other before marriage and get to know a little bit like interests or different things.I saw lot of my friends who took time understanding their husband and their expectations if you know it before then it will be easy for you to adjust and it will take little time.
Depends on the two people involved. In either case,you need commitment, patience, understanding, tolerance, trust, loyalty and hard work.But,I would personally prefer love marriage because in love marriage we are marrying a person whom you have understood and got to know.it will not be a failure if there is adjustment and compromise between the two...
Arrange marriages are fine but bilkul hi naa milna or wait kerna last night tak is notsensibility
before nikkah those perosns r tottly namehram for eachother ... islam doesnt allowed any meeting between them befor any sharyee relation..so how can we said its not sansibillity ?
ik muslman honay k naatay sirf itne yaqeen rakhna chaeye her kaam jub shreyat or Allah ki raza kay mutabiq ho to phir understangis bhi hoo ge or muhabbat bhi
app meetings per yaqeen rakhtay hain or taqdeer per nahi ?
so what shaair said
jo aajaoo gay kisi din taqdeer kay haatoon
ho jaaye ga maloom khuda hay k nahi hay
Mirch, I agree with you but have a couple of issues. I've seen and heard of more than a couple of arrangements that were made by parents for reasons of prestige or keeping things "in the family" etc meaning reasons OTHER than matching for the happiness of their child. When a parent or other elder finds a match that is based on their love and concern for their child and their child's future happiness then I'm in complete agreement with you....elders know their child better than anyone else. And as long as a match is made with those things in mind, I think tis a wonderful thing. And although I;m gori, I do hope my boyz give me a little say in who they choose or even let me choose for them :)
Depends on the two people involved. In either case,you need commitment, patience, understanding, tolerance, trust, loyalty and hard work.But,I would personally prefer love marriage because in love marriage we are marrying a person whom you have understood and got to know.it will not be a failure if there is adjustment and compromise between the two...
Love is not a guarantee that you will get to know the other person completely. During courtship both parties tend to put their best foot forward.
You can see many threads in Life 1 forum where couples got married as a result of love but then they started to drift apart.
Yes a successful marriage demands commitment , patience, understanding , tolerance , trust , loyalty and hard work.
Isn't it too much to test before you get married ? Yes it is , so marriage is a gamble either way. But in arranged marriage that gamble becomes a calculated risk as as said our elders are more seasoned , skilled and wiser when it comes to judging someone.
Judging true colors of a person comes only with experience. Young boys and girls are too naive to judge true colors of a person they are in love with. Love makes them blind.
Mirch, I agree with you but have a couple of issues. I've seen and heard of more than a couple of arrangements that were made by parents for reasons of prestige or keeping things "in the family" etc meaning reasons OTHER than matching for the happiness of their child. When a parent or other elder finds a match that is based on their love and concern for their child and their child's future happiness then I'm in complete agreement with you....elders know their child better than anyone else. And as long as a match is made with those things in mind, I think tis a wonderful thing. And although I;m gori, I do hope my boyz give me a little say in who they choose or even let me choose for them :)
i believe the term 'arranged marriage' spooks this generation because it brings to mind a scenario that Problem Girl described above ^
Infact now, in an arranged marriage, the concept is the same, parents looking for like-minded, shareef families, with educated equivalent girls/boys for their kids BUT the format has changed to better suit the prospective bride/groom so that they are more comfortable with the process and do not feel like they are on display.
the girl and boy are given an opportunity to communicate, not to find out everything about each other, but to feel that they are indeed a very important part of the process, so that they do take some responsibility for this big step...i have a cousin who blames everything going wrong in her marriage to her parents, because the 'chose' the boy and she was an indiffernt participant.
so i believe, parents in our culture play the role of matchmakers not because they want to control their kids lives but because they believe in making well-planned and informed decisions rather than the more impulsive choices their kids might make.
??