That's what it feels like anyway. He's always in a bad mood and can't get over previous stuff that's happened (me being rude to his mum 2 years ago, she deserved it she was taking liberties). today I nearly booked a holiday for us and kids - so glad I didn't do it as he came home in a mood as usual and bought something up which happened a couple of weeks ago where he thought I was being rude to his friend and then he was like, "you were being rude to him like you were rude to my mum" I though t WTF???????????
What I feel like saying to him is I have had enough, you can't get over past stuff and your always moody, I don't want to live my life like this, I want you to move out!! also: I don't even like you, we have nothing in common, your family take the p*ss.
But I'm too weak weak weak to do it and just keep ignoring the problem.
Any advice?
Maybe start doing the same to him ? During random times....when he's least expecting it.......bring up his past mistakes. Do it deliberately enough times during the week.....so he gets the message. And who knows? Maybe he will. If not, you need to sit down and talk to him. Do you have children? If so, you'll have to factor their welfare into the situation as well.
But talk to him.....about how his actions make you feel. Maybe explain to him the concept of forgiveness/tolerance/humans being prone to making mistake from an Islamic **point of view.......that might make him wake up. Explain to him that we are encouraged to forgive others because we make mistakes ourselves.........and throwing past mistakes (those that took place two years ago) into someone's face over and over again is like VERBAL/EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. Yes, I think you should use the word **abuse. And tell him that human nature isn't perfect and expecting one to be perfect in speech, behavior, attitude, mannerisms.....is not only unreasonable but may indicate control issues. Let him know that it's hurtful to you......and to the marriage. Let him know that whenever he throws the past in your face............you won't listen to it anymore.
Maybe the reason why he keeps torturing you with the past is because you area always there to quietly listen to him.....or perhaps you keep displaying through your body language that you feel guilty/apologetic. This in turn gives him power. So, take the power away. Tell him that you've apologized and you've moved on from it. In the future.........IF.......he brings up the past.........simply walk away. Don't respond....walk away. He can't continue his whining....if you're not going to be around to listen to it.
^Maybe seek counseling if things are that bad. If you've tried the above suggestions/counseling, etc...........tell him that you need to take a vacation because this negative environment is taking a toll on you.....and that while you're away.......he can think about what he wants to do with this marriage. Then take a break.......give him a break to think about issues as well.
Or try rekindling the spark in the marriage again. Maybe display gestures that you care about him.........and that might help.
I dunno....I have zero marital experience and that's all I can come up with. While there are two sides to a story...........I feel that (based upon your post) that your husband has some control issues. Maybe the married members of GS can give some practical insight based upon their experience.