Re: Things to Ask Before Getting Engaged
Many people struggle with how to approach marriage. If you are happily married and have additional pieces of advice for single people, please feel free to add to this thread.
Imam Magid, ISNA (Islmaic Society of North America) President, high lights that it is important for a guy and girl to be on the same page about things before they agree to get married. Below 100 Questions list is a good starting point to answer and ask of yourself and any potential spouse. There are lots of other resources (articles, books, marriage counselors) that can help guide people and they don't necessairly need to be muslim.
100 Premarital Questions
1) What is your concept of marriage?
2) Have you been married before?
3) Are you married now?
4) What are you expectations of marriage?
5) What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
6) Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
7) Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
8) Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
9) What is the role of religion in your life now?
10) Are you a spiritual person?
11) What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
12) What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
13) What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
14) Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
15) What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
16) What is the role of the husband?
17) What is the role of the wife?
18) Do you want to practice polygamy?
19) What is your relationship with your family?
20) What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
21) What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
22) Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
23) Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
24) If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
25) Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
26) How did you get to know them?
27) Why are they your friends?
28) What do you like most about them?
29) What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
30) Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
31) What is the level of your relationship with them now?
32) What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
33) What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
34) What are the things that you do in your free time?
35) Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
36) What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
37) What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
38) Do you travel?
39) How do you spend your vacations?
40) How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
41) Do you read?
42) What do you read?
43) After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
44) After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
45) How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
46) How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
47) Do you like to write your feelings?
48) If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
49) If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
50) How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
51) How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
52) Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
53) Do your friends use foul language?
54) Does your family use foul language?
55) How do you express anger?
56) How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
57) What do you do when you are angry?
58) When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
59) When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
60) Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
61) What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
62) Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
63) Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
64) Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
65) What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
66) How do you support your own health and nutrition?
67) What is you definition of wealth?
68) How do you spend money?
69) How do you save money?
70) How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
71) Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
72) Do you use credit cards?
73) Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
74) What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
75) What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
76) Do you support the idea of a working wife? Another version to this is: Do you support the idea of a stay at home wife?
77) If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
78) Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
79) Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
80) Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
81) Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
82) To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
83) Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
84) Do you believe in abortion?
84a) Do you believe in the use of contraceptives?
85) Do you have children now?
86) What is your relationship with your children now?
87) What is your relationship with their other parent?
88) What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
89) What is the best method(s) of raising children?
90) What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
91) How were you raised?
92) How were you disciplined?
93) Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
94) Do you believe in public school for your children?
95) Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
96) Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
97) What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
98) Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
99) What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
100) If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
Imam Majid came up with this list? Its like a bad joke that never ends.